Monday, July 14, 2014 ♥
How time flies...
Over these few weeks, many major events occurred.
22 June 2014 - Dnd
On this faithful day, I was privileged to have a few friends to share a room at resorts world for the dnd. We reached about 1 plus and had to spend time outside till about 2.45 before we could check in.. It was unfortunate that one of us was sick and she had to give up and go home. I'm grateful that my friends trusted me with their make up and i think i did quite a good job. The event went on quite ok.. just a little sians cos I was seated at a table filled of strangers, and me being me am very awkward with strangers. The rest of my colleagues were seated at a very far end of the room. Took photos with quite a no. of pple... but the attendance to the dnd was quite bad as compared to two years back. After the event, we got invited to drinks with some of the drs cos one of our friends was closer with the drs. Nice to have champagne.. but we had to walk quite a lot.. and it was still awkard for me.. cos I have become even more introvert with so much echo sessions. What was fortunate was that one of the doctors gave us a ride back to the hotel.
28 June 2014 - My Brother's Wedding
What was most fortunate was that my sis and I managed to book us a hotel room which we stayed for 3 days and 2 nights. We managed to get through the days smoothly. It was a tough day for us still... I guess.. I would like not to remember most of it.. so I'm not going to write much on it.. just.. Congrats to my brother, and I wish him all the best for his new life.
6 July 2014 - Jingyang's Wedding
It was held at a same restaurant as my bro's, but a different location.
I was touched and really happy to see my friend getting married, and it really brought me to tears to see her walking down the red carpet to the stage, with her hand in her husband's arm, knowing that she has someone to support her now. She's been through a lot of hardships in life; it's really good to see her find her happiness.
And this was what I told my friends who were with me yesterday - that what makes me happy, is that I see the pple around me find their happiness. I know that even if I can't manage to find happiness, I will be happy if my dear friends find theirs. And that thought, though it brings me to tears... really sounds right from deep down of my heart.
I told him yesterday, very clearly this time, that he has to look somewhere else, for I am not the one for him. He got it very clearly; I hope I have not broken his heart too much, but I do know that it's for the better. There's no point letting him keep harboring hopes.. and it will be too evil of me, and harsh of me as well; it is not something I wish to do.
As much as I wish to find my own happiness, I cannot rush into one that cannot suit me or the other party. Besides, I have too much on my plate for myself to handle. I facing my own little crisis.. standing at the cross roads, wondering what I should do.. Dealing with my physical pain.. My physical strength diminishing.. Should I go for ardms? Should I live and let go? Should I pursue more? Should I go for the mri? Should I teach the pple at my job? How should I teach them? How should I interact with the pple at my job? There's so much unhappiness, frustration, weariness.. they've made me grouchy, nasty, sarcastic and fearful of the people.. less patient. I'm conscious of all these feelings.. they've made me very tired... cos I find myself continuously in a struggle and dilemma.. They drain me.. and they make me want to escape.. just sleep and hide away..
I am very grateful.. for my sister. She is always my guiding light. She told me.. that I need to believe myself, and I could be that awesome person.. and I had been strong before..
I know that I am in a valley now. I saw this comic strip previously, that described Confucius's teaching that one should be happy that he is at a downturn, cos it signals an upturn ahead. I've lost my fire along with all my principles etc when I accepted the facts that I was just any other tech, this is just a job etc... I've lost all the impressiveness I seemed to build.. yet that impression seemed to have lasted in some people.. haha.. sighs.
I hope I'll be able to get some of it back.. the fire and the passion to learn and study, and to fight for the right stuffs.
From this week on.. My timetable will be quite packed with a no. of yoga classes... it'll be 5 classes a week, Tuesday (focus and flex at my workplace), Thursday (int. at Jurong east sports complex), Saturday (beg and int. at frontier), Sunday (acroyoga). I really hope that my body can take all that activity and become stronger, and I will be fitter and with less pain. I will have to be extra alert and careful though, so that I know where my limits are and not go beyond them.
I pray that I will be strong and all the pain will go away. I pray that I will be well and better, and become a better person and live life better.
♥reflected @ 1:25 AM
