reflections

Wednesday, April 30, 2008 ♥

i should be studying now but i'm slacking, on the excuse that my next exam is next week. two more exams next week and it will be over. phew.

this sem.. studying didn't feel as hectic as last sem. hmm. i guess the reason besides the exam schedule this sem is organized such that the exams are far apart one another, is that i have been slacking a lot, watching a lot of stuffs online.

today. didn't touch the notes at all, which is bad becos i still have to work on saturday still, and somemore i found extra work to do too. but. haiz.

today's quite an emo day too.

must be because of the exams and the times in between studying when my thoughts drift off to nonsense stuffs. i kept being reminded of certain things and people. as a result i get sad like today. i always always when i look at surprised how i lived thr last yr, but.. it feels quite shitty to me, cos when i get these ... wat do you call them.. mind drifts? flash backs? i keep having this stuck feel. i keep feeling stuck. in memories of last year. and the previous and the previous year. i think of all those sad things and really still can't decide whether i have made the correct decisions. and so on. and i keep feeling sad, when i wonder if i have really lost some number of friends, or rather have they really not want to talk to me and so on. and so on.

but i realise that really time just keeps going, life just keeps moving on. i'm moving on too, just parts of my thoughts lagging behind. but i've managed cos life is moving on and with studies and work and the occasional youtubing etc, i dun have flashbacks often. but i do noe. those people have moved on, with or without me. and that everybody has their own lives. once while i was sitting at the mrt station, i was wondering, wow these are all strangers around me! and they all lead their own lives. and today while i was having my solo and emo walk, i thought.. again, everyone leads their own lives, be it repetitive or not..

i must be either pmsing... or just getting old. but i hate pple who just blame everything on pmsing. cos, it's ridiculous. and girls dun become irritating when they pms, its just that they need more care or some sorts.. watever i'm talking abt...

but today really got me frustrated, but there's really nothing much i can do. i'm not angry with my dad or mum, maybe i am, but i'm more angry at myself, for not being able to really do anything and really have enough courage to face consequences. bcos, i'm scared that i'll bcome hateful, which i have been stepping in and out of it at certain times. but like today the woman who gave me the extra job told me, sometimes, your life is bad, things like that happen, you can't blame anyone.. but you'll tell yourself, it's a different experience. and i always tell myself that. it's a diff experience, tho not good at all, i'll have to live it cos it's my life...

i guess i have become more independent.. but sometimes it feels sad.. like i always say. sometimes you'll feel alone instead. but i always remind myself, alone is better than facing a lot or problems and responsibilities; it's enough to be responsible for myself.

anyways.

before i decided to blog, i was watching this korean drama with lee da hae and jang hyuk (the guy acting with fann wong in the dance movie), called robbers. quite interesting.

these days i've been rewatching a bit of my girl, watching xman, a bit of h.i.t, a bit of the robbers show, a bit of taiwan fated to love you show. oh ya, before the exams came, i even watched this really slow movie with the L guy from death notes. (he's 23 years old, and he looks realy diff) and i realised..are jap movies all slow moving? but it was still ok i guess, even tho personally i didn't really like it.

i guess i shall stop here for now.

i'll blog after the exams end again. i guess..

here's a photo to commemorate the end of gem1008 which was more than 1 wk ago.. but not really cos still got results.

♥reflected @ 11:53 PM

Saturday, April 12, 2008 ♥

today i bought jay chou's world tour 2007 VCD!

and i was and still am very sad.

disappointed and sad. at my own stupidity......

i should have bought the dvd version instead. really. haiz.
luckily i wasn't very very onto wanting to buy it. but then it was not only disappointing cos the quality wasn't gd, it was quite disappointing bcos jay chou's singing in it wasn't his standard, cos i think he was sick then, didn't have much energy.

anyway. ya. it interested me to go hoping ard the net, got to the jay2u site, and saw the 青花瓷 mv, was suprised to see 陈楚河in it, so went youtubing, and saw the entire mv. then i went on to watch other mvs of other songs. i realised, really. even though i dun really listen to jay's songs nowadays, sometimes when my mp3 is on shuffle, and its his song playing, i sometimes even skip it... i still realise that they are still good to listen to. even though many of his songs sound somewhat alike, but he has made changes, and create new things. even though he has went off to discover acting and directing, it just made him more diao. and made me admire him more for his determination to fulfill his dreams, an his capabilities. and so yup.
back to what i was originally saying, i realised his old songs still sound so splendid. sometimes 喜新厌旧 is just so bad. cos you forget how the old are still damn good. and when everybody still wants new stuffs, its really worthwhile to look back and reminise the past. the sad thing is that things are just like that.

i remember the times when i liked s club 7 (haha), i remember the times when i DISLIKED jay chou. haha. i remember in sec 1 and 2 when everyone around me seemed to like him, and i thought his songs were very noisy and just rambling. until when sec 2 ai pheng ching li chun fong sorta forced me to listen (cos they were looking at the mv at ai pheng's house and i was there) and they thought that the only song i would like is 安静, and really then, i really liked it. and then after that, i slowly liked his other songs too. from fantasy范特西 to 8 dimensions八度空间 to ye hui mei叶惠美, to common jasmine orange七里香. to november's chopin十一月的萧邦, still fantasy依然范特西 and on the run 我很忙. (i realise i nvr had his very first album, jay....)
the sad thing is that, i have all of them (except the last 2) in cds, and my cd player is already spoilt, and my mp3 being small capacity, puts only the current songs that i listen to (which is mostly korean songs now). but just now when i was looking at the old mvs, i realised i really miss them. not only that i miss the old times. and i really do feel like crying as a result.. haiz. and also i they once again remind me how old i am now.. so scary..

好想回到过去...

岁月在墙上脱落看见小时候...

the very first 中国风...(that i heard i.e not fr album jay)双截棍

and the song i think its the most famous and propelled him to fame..爸！我回来了。

and i realised some things nvr change much. i'm almost still the same as years ago.. just that i've been through quite many times, matured more, but still a lot of things carried the same way.. some things still 照样开不了口...

and i discovered i still find 安静 the best..

(this is actually, the FIRST time. the first time watching all these mvs. i've never watched them b4.)

i wish... i have.. a dvd of ALLLL the MVs. of ALL the songs.. from then till now... I wish.....

=(
haha. haiz.

——————————————————————

anyway. yup. this week.
was quite...busy. and messy.

on monday sis and i stayed in school till really late near 12am to try and complete our draft for gem. and we were so worried that we couldn't catch a bus. just as we were going to walk out onto the long path to the bus stop, i turned back to see a taxi coming from afar. i was like OMG- taxi! i ran and ran back as fast as i could..

but the taxi didn't stop. and i was so sad. i nearly cried. so disappointedly, i was going to turn and walk away, then sis spotted another, but this one had some other passenger in it already. so we both felt super dejected. luckily, another one came coming.. sis managed to spot it before we left. we were so relieved. so relieved. cos it was so late already. and i did tear abit. and the taxi driver went very fast- i guess he knew i was v upset. haha. haiz.

thursday we decided to not go for any lecture and went to je library to study biochem test which was yesterday. haiz...

i guess. i shall stop here. this post is long enough.. i think i'm not going to post anymore until may? maybe. bcos finals coming. haiz.

theres going to work later....zzzZ haiz.

♥reflected @ 12:07 AM

Monday, April 07, 2008 ♥

am really sleepy.

and really frustrated. at myself and at my sis. cos i'm super worried. that the same situation will occur again (i have the feeling that no matter how hard i try, it will still - and that gets me even more frustrated, vexed, angry, unhappy, helpless and sad.)

=(

dun take gem1008. its damn stresful. at least thats what both me and my sister think.

i'm angry at my sis and myself that we went to watch the death note which was on tv, with my mum. how horrid.

haiz.

the movie was quite good. although, it was a bit slow i thought, or maybe could be bcos i was very anxious about doing the position paper, yet i didn't go write, so i was impatient, so i thought it was a bit slow.

but it was quite gd, i'm looking forward to watching the next one, but not really either, cos nxt week will be damn stressful and the week after is actually reading week, then the finals.

damn worrying. and we're actually lagging behind some of the lectures. and shit still have assignments coming up. OMG. why can't they stop giving assignments or cas? finals are already coming! isn't that enough already? DAMN DAMN DAMN!!!

anyway, my mum asked me the 'bad?' guy called 'light' and L, who is better? in terms of 造型 and 演技. i was like.. hmm. L? isn't there a lot of pple idolising L? a lot of pple think that he looks damn cool and all. (veron posted of a normal looking pict of the actor (with short hair); it looked super different, and so much less impactful, not able to impress- so i guess L's image must be quite gd) but my mum thinks the other guy is better, bcos he appeared earlier, and theres more emotions and acting sorta from him. hmm. well, up to everyone's thinking.
for me,death note hasn't given me a real strong impression yet. probably it was just bcos i was damn vexed, like now i am also cos i'm blogging and not at my desk writing..cos i'm sleepy and really frustrated until i can't think and form up good sentences...

HAIZZZZZZZZZZZ....

=(

damn. stressed.

♥reflected @ 12:17 AM