Saturday, August 26, 2006 ♥
two more papers to go to end of prelims
p1 for bio and p1 for chem
hmm.
i already started slacking. even tho it doesn't mean that i have already started slacking during prelims..
yesterday was watching tv..smallville was wierd..right after the bio paper went to library and borrowed books. and read a pict book, howl's moving castle. it's an amazing story..which is so like spirited away.
today was a bad day. a bad day spreaded from yesterday night. went out for lunch with family at hilltop, ate chicken chop. which i found it bad tasting, but now.. i'm wondering whether it was the chicken chop or it was just me feeling unhappy. after that went to je then imm to shop. didn't manage to get a new wallet, but mum finally found a shirt, and a pair of shoe she like.
and then came home quite late. and i was feeling really sad the whole day le. so i went to hide and started reading another book. the book was great. and it made me cheerful after reading.
ya. so.
tt's abt it. i finished narrating abt today.
_________________actually.
i have been wondering. who's me.
like for once i thought i was quite brave..and felt that i'm really tired of trying to be strong and being strong..
and i was thinking. no.
i'm just a coward. i have been running away, hiding from everything. always. so many times. it's like when it finally drills into me i would be overwhelmed, i would be upset and all. but still problem never solved.
i like reading. becos it's a hideout for me.
i just go with time and let everything pass by me, and live my life like a cycle..
i thought i can be independent, strong enough to stand on my own, but i dun think ppl actually noe that i'm not. i'm so dependent on others. there are times i really need someone there for me. there are times when i am really lost and i really need support. but whenever such things happen. it's like i look out i really can't see someone i can really throw all my heart out and talk to without any worry at all. in the end. it's back to running away.
but i dun really noe wat's me anymore. cos i have already lost me. i think..
it's so confusing.
and
it's so hard to trust.
i noe letting nature take its way is the way it is. but. i am too cowardly to face things. i never seem to really trust in the end.
but i noe. even after i typed finish this.
i will still go back to running. it's wat tt provides me strength to keep going on.
but pls dun need to criticise me anymore. i noe that once i post this online, i have to bear the risk of this being the internet, and i already felt the hurt when someone did things that were really nasty. i dun hope to feel that again.
♥reflected @ 10:48 PM
Thursday, August 17, 2006 ♥
(-.-)
prelims.
papers done: gp p1,2, econs p3, maths p1, chem p3, bio p2.
papers to go: maths p2, chem p1,2, econs p1,2, bio p1,3.
omg.
and i'm really tired.
tt day after the maths paper, i came home. i was so tired. and damn hot due to the weather. no aircon and the fan broke down. and i was so frustrated i cried.
i was so tired, my shoulders, neck and head ache. i'm was so tired of studying.
in the end, i went to study in the kitchen.
on the day for chem paper. the morning was terrible. i had stomachache. so did i today. today was worse cos the air con in the badminton hall was super cold..and i am always sitting right at the back.
bio paper. was really upsetting for me. i know myself. i had not studied well enough for the paper. and yesterday i had headache too. not like that's an excuse for anything.
luckily, there's no paper tmr. cos i'm really so tired.
2 more weeks to go..to the end of prelims. i can't wait for these two weeks to end. i dunno how i'm going to hang on.
but i really really really wish i will do well. i really really really want my grades to be good.
by the way. sorry i missed a few peoples' birthdays due to the prelims:
marilyn and yan ling. Happy Belated Birthday!
and hawyi's bdae tmr.
yup. so that's tt. oh ya. today my paper ended about 10.30am. damn sad cos i thought the paper was to end at 10, actually it was 10.15. i rushed thr my essays writing so little. and at 10, i was waiting for the teachers to say time's up. and get that. i was damn shocked when the tcher said: you have 15 mins more. i was like. omg. and my mind was totally blank. i could think of nothing more to write. damn sad. damn sad. i really wanted to cry man.
haiz. but i will look forward. and not back. forward. at least that's wat i have been trying to do. or at least i was trying to run away from it first. i'm upset at myself, i admit. damn.
actually that was not what i wanted to write. i wanted to write about shopping with my mum. after the paper i went to the library to slack around, then went to meet my mum at market, da pao lunch home, wait for dad to come eat, bathe and waited for mum, and we went out to jurong east to shop together. :) mum bought me a shirt, and i bought myself a flower accessory for my bag..
and
terrible me right. like i should be studying. and wat my sis say is right. i'm a fat pig, couch potato, lack exercise. and i'm still pigging. eating so much. i really dun want to eat. i know i look hideous. fat. disgusting.
haiz.
i should be studying. not at this comp.
:(
♥reflected @ 8:14 PM
Friday, August 11, 2006 ♥
guess wat.
i realised that i wasn't exactly stressed abt studies. i mean.
i'm
stressed that i'm
not stressed enough cos i'm
slacking.
how about that.
i've been watching lots of tv. playing lots of computer games. doing a lot of procrastinating.
damn shit.
and like hallo?? prelims are
2 days away only??
my goodness. and like wat have i done?
:(
anyway..something happened on monday. and let's say it wasn't pleasing. it made me sad. and utterly disappointed. but well there's nothing much i can do since that's sorta like the culture around there.
i keep saying..that i'd never be a true acsian. but truthfully i have become part of an acsian.
and i dun really like the bad parts of me.
and seriously.
i miss being a nan huarian.
i miss letting studies rule my life.
i miss being able to simply rely on my teachers for everything.
oh btw. happy belated national day. i watched ndp on tv yesterday. it was great. beautiful and amazing.
and there was this part. i sorta was reminded that it's no longer nan hua sec. it's nan hua high..
hmm. it doesn't make a diff to many..but it makes me feel..
as if i'm not part of it anymore, like i dun belong there anymore. i guess tt might be the reason why i dun go back much.
but i guess it's not the time to talk abt this.
hmm.
so tell me. how to concentrate on studying?
yea..i noe it's all the mind..but it just seems so hard to do so..
:(
♥reflected @ 12:16 AM
Saturday, August 05, 2006 ♥
prelims
1 more week
omg
omg
omg
i'm
stressedwat else can i say?
argh.
♥reflected @ 10:31 PM
Wednesday, August 02, 2006 ♥
how i wish...
that i have a very happy home to come back to
that i have a great and conducive study environment to study
that i have friends that are always there for me
that i can..
how i wish...
♥reflected @ 8:43 PM
