Wednesday, September 28, 2005 ♥
argh.
just tried to start prepare for the oral presentation for pw. and gave up. stupid comp got prob.
plus i should go study. cos just now i wasn't studying. was reading a storybook.
damn. my bro is watching a stupid debate on the tv. which is so lousy and noisy and thus is annoying and irritating.grr...
argh!!!
~
today only 11 pple in my class came to school.
even my teacher was on mc.
so in the ended we left earlier, and went to holland v. some waffle place..had quite some fun..i wish i can post the picts i took on my hp here..but sorry lousy comp.
after tt, sis called and insisted me to go and buy whipped cream for her. so after everyone left i went in search of cold storage. after getting the whipped cream, i came out..and haha. discovered myself lost again.
i should go for guiness world. for the countless of times of being lost and getting lost in a singapore and holland v which is supposed to be ac pple's hangout.
called tania for help..so in the end went to find her at her house..so coincidentally met seow ting!!yeah..she's having hols..while we are struggling with promos..haiz..
tania twisted her ankle..
i stayed with her at the void deck intending to mug with her, in the end i fell asleep for one whole hr. terrible.in the end i managed to do not a single thing again. come to speak of it, i must go and study now.
well, i should actually abstrain from blogging this and next week cos of the promos...but wat the heck..
fine.
i am not going to touch the comp for this following 2 weeks.
♥reflected @ 10:06 PM
Tuesday, September 27, 2005 ♥
today's like shit.
How can i expect my schlmates, esp. my classmates to understand me when i dun even understand myself?
okay...
anyway..today during pe..we finally got to play touch rugby!!yeah!!well..me am a lousy player.and a lousy sprinter.cos i couldn't tap this stupid guy in my clss twice.it's really stupid chasing after him across the field but still didn't manage to catch up...watever.
my team could have been better if we showed more team spirit and cooperation.the other team did better cos they had better players, which was kinda inevitable.
today.those pple who didn't come yesterday came;those who came yesterday didn't come. which means.jia yi and her clique came.and my hangout didn't come. and the result. me and me and it's still me and me. i dunno whether i should be proud of my class or not. i dunno whether i should call my class united or not.
haiz.
lost.
again.
shld go study now.
♥reflected @ 7:28 PM
Friday, September 23, 2005 ♥
yesterday night was awful.
so was this morning and this afternoon.
yesterday night i exhanged places with sis, and managed to do not a
single piece of homework nor study a single thing. and then i came to my own blog, i went to the archives and i read thr my past entries.the times when i had dengue and all, the times when prelims and o levels passed w/o me knowing i discovered how much i have changed.my past entries were all sounding positive and fun..even if times were really bad..and now..or i think it was just that all the while i have been running away.yah.i believe it's the latter.since last year, i have been running away so much. and yesterday night, i sat at the table, feeling so sad and sorry for myself and indulging myself in total selfpity and all..and non-stop thinking from nanhua past the ac past ac current and now..and feeling so bad and cried non-stop...i know that i had actually went through nothing as serious as some other ppl had, i know that they had gone thr so much more and so much more pain than me, and i look up to them and wish that i have the courage to stop hiding and running away, and face everything properly.i wonder when i finally can do so, when i am able to let go of every single thing that bugs me, let go of everything...maybe i care too much.it's just that whenever someone do somethings, it will remind me of smth and smth and smth so on so on..it links so far off that whenever i cry..i cry of everything.not just a single thing. something triggers me,and i would like someone said: cried like the world is ending..well i felt like my world was crumbling.
i know: yup.scream into my ear: stop this self-pity thing!let go let go!it's time you let go..but i can't i dunno why..it's either i have to find a way and do it myself, or some miracle or some special one can help me break away from the past and bring more light into my life..but yarh..i'm not sure myself..my life is now currently..sucking..
i feel so lost sometimes...and my heart is always like in a constant internal conflict...
sometimes, i feel like a hot dog, sausaged and squashed in between two pieces of bread..sometimes i feel like a pink apple, so out, wierd and misplaced, sometimes i just feel like a lost sheep, losing the sense of direction and thought..
AC games registeration...includes a fee of 4 bucks..and today jia yi the class rep was getting the money fr those who wrote their names on the paper..it's an inter-class competition..and i wrote myself for captain's ball and touch rug..and jia yi wrote me for touch rug saying that they got too many ppl in captain's..and then i actually realized something when i compared the names in each grp..it is so apparent and clear...but i am not going to say it here, cos i dunno who else will be reading this blog...
i dunno..i am unsure..i already paid the 4 bucks...and made up the decision to go against my mum wishes and go take part in the ac games...but it's only for fun what...
i think i'm putting on a lot of weight and am getting fatter...i dunno..i should really watch my weight and waistline..after eating so many mooncakes and nearly 4 meals a day...yar..i really should eat less..or stop eating..if only i can and am able to be persistent...well..maybe i should start training myself and test my stamina in the name of touch rug..haha..
today...this morning had to do a lousy chem pract abt some ester thinggy screwed it up..and then was feeling so lousy..after econs double lect..free period for me i went for lunch and collect the chem stuff i printed for the class..and wasn't very happy when i found out that i had been spending quite a lot these days..during maths was still fine..fed up at mark and even the stupid projector screen and ohp cos at first i couldn't borrow one both next doors and finally went opp..angry i had to do this and that when i noe that i most probably be taken for granted for..called home and was told by my mum that actually when i was crying last night, my sis was also crying too..but my mum didn't noe i cried, my sis and i dunno each other cried...so i was upset cos i found out that i hadn't been taking care and giving concern to my sis and was too caught up with my own life and thinking so much that i have forgotten about her. so when i was sitting down there at the 'void deck-canteen' in schl i started thinking and then some fella walked pass me triggered my feelings..and i started crying again..
sorry pple..for being so emotionally-unstable and all..
thank you to those who cared for me..xiangning, aneesa,adelle, and yup everyone..
lastly..
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO JONATHAN CHIANG!!!!!!!!I believe tt you will make a very good guitar president and i noe that you'll never fail to make me laugh when i am sad and feeling down.and i love your jokes even though most are just teasing and sarcastic..some ppl who just noe him won't like him..but when you get to noe him and get used to his sarcasm..you will actually find it funny and fun. he's a nice and great guy.Happy Birthday!!!...(although i think he won't be reading this..well maybe i'll msg him..)
ok..so tt's all for today.
♥reflected @ 10:01 PM
Thursday, September 22, 2005 ♥
Promos Coming!!!
lost count liao.
this morning was so..dunno how to describe..damn,i ve been whining all the way since yesterday after school..lol.wateva larh.
and this morning i woke up i was so dreamy lor..everything was working like automatic robotic and all.
then when i stepped into the car, the first thing that came to my mind and keep mugging me is touch rugby. damnation.
kept thinking of it lor.
see..on tues, our double period pe, our new (funny)'cute' pe tcher, introduced this sport, touch rugby to ours, which is not new to me..well, and it was boring..cos we only did passing in the first period and play monkey thinggy.then we advanced to passing in a straight line. then finally we could play the game liao.then he made a mistake by firstly, saying that we can pass the ball forward, and secondly, not explaining when you can 'touch' ppl, what happens when you get touched, and stuff..well actually just, he didn't explain the game and how it works. so tt why, when we were standing in our two lines, then gurpreet started and all was a mess. then the tcher say forget it, we will play 'ultimate rugby' which is more like captain's ball with a rugby ball. and then there were so many ppl. so. well on the whole it was erm..boring for me. and then the sun was shining so brightly,a short while,i'm already a tomato.
and this morning i kept thinking of this stupid touch rugby cos yesterday i saw a grp of girls playing the game, after the same pe tcher managed to teach them, which make me so green with evy...haiyo...and then all the while this morning i sat in the car, i was so tired i wanted to sleep, yet the only thing i thought was just touch rugby, even when there was a stupid damn traffic jam.
found out that i miss touch rug.we learnt it last year, yet i didn't have a chance to really play a lot in it. we had a touch rug comp, i didn't play in too,and i am so green with envy when i hear that so many ppl i noe are in touch rug...weiting, joan, yueting..oh man..and i so wanted to join..but i noe it's impossible.
cos of my mum.cos of my bro. cos my bro got injured so badly playing rugby last time, my mum forbid me in participating in any sports. like i accidentally mentioned that i fell down during pe last week...she immediately warned me again about sports.
then today, i told her there is a thing called ac games, she told me rightaway that i better not join.but well..hu cares..i like touch rug lor..after so much influence fr my bro and 4/3mons...and she doesn't noe i'm interested in joining...well.it's only touch rug wat, not real rugby.and captains ball!!!yeah..it made me discover how much i miss 2/3 ppl and 4/3 mons..2/3!!we are the best captain ball players man!!!yeah..miss nanhua ppl..
today during our single period pe most of the guys went to play basketball, so only left abt 10 ppl, so 5 against 5, we played a captain's ball game...haha..well quite fun ba, minus the ppl screaming..and there was no out no rules no nothing haha..and the pe tcher and some others are so comical..andrew practically flying all around the place..after playing for awhile, cos i realized i didn't want to run ard and not actually getting my members to see me..n stuff haaha, i swapped with esther and rather stand on the chair and wait for the ball to come to me..haha..
well..see..i'm sounding quite cheerful rite..but well..oh yeah, promos coming still got a lot of hw haven't do yet..and it scares me when i see all the ppl mugging so hard in schl...so stress..haha,and i haven't started studying yet,and yarh a lot of ppl will start telling me to do so,i am quite...sad leh..cos.well.i am always feeling stranded either some times or after school..like totally lost and don't noe wat to do..then i think i am also feeling pessismistic.. cos i feel worse abt the dragging schl days thinggy..so tired of schl liaoz..
haiz..damn.its 9+...and tml got bio test..and then i ven't done my vectors, haven't started alkanes and revision maths and stuff and stuff and stuff and stuff..oh man,and i see so many ppl so many ppl doing so many so many things...oh man!!haiz.
i better go and do smth now.
♥reflected @ 9:25 PM
Sunday, September 18, 2005 ♥
uh-oh...feeling so full now...
haha..i just had a mooncake feast..heeheex.
Happy Mid-Autumn Festival!!!
yup...actually well, i have quite a lot of homework to do..maths and chem tutorials and econs tys drq..omg..and yet i have done nothing..cos i was slacking haha...
well..i am trying to keep myself in light spirits..
♥reflected @ 3:32 PM
Saturday, September 17, 2005 ♥
i learnt my lesson.
i shall never ever speak a word to anyone anymore. unless necessary.
i was very unhappy on thurs night with my sis. cos both of us want to use the computer to do our written reports. yet she wouldn't let me use first, esp when i already told her that i would use only for half hr. tt day i was already pissed enough. and yet i had math test to study for fri, but i never want to study halfway and then stop to do smth else. after the whole episode, i was too unhappy to study.
and just now, i wanted to use the computer again, and yet my sis has been using it since the morning and refuse to budge..i didn't really care, just told her to hurry. then my mum was frying the stupid damned fish. i strolled into the kitchen, and by mistake i just said: i want to use the comp. and ever since and now, she has been yelling and complaining..and my dad shouting. so. okay. fine. i'm sorry..i'll keep my mouth shut when i'm at home.
and then school stuff. i think i have gone too far in helping others. i now consider myself a busybody. and i am also too easily affected my wat other pple do. tt. i should keep my mouth and feelings shut.
life sux.
school is so sian for me. everyday is jsut dragging. dragging. dragging. boring. for me. cos there are others who feel tt schl's fun cos of the presence of frens. wateva.
promos are coming..
haiz.
♥reflected @ 4:48 PM
Saturday, September 10, 2005 ♥
yeah...
my dad bought a new tv. and it's huge.[it's not a turkey vulture..haha..it's a television (-0-)||| ]
well yup..it's huge..
holidays are going to be over..well actually, it's over. for me. school starts on monday and we have a chem test on tuesday and a math test on friday. so fast. tests immediately after the holidays are over..i haven't even have to take a good rest, not say revise for anything.haiz..damnation.
well..all i have been doing is reading. story books. yup.
counted liaoz. finished 15 books by jude deveraux and 13 books by sidney sheldon, 5 books by danielle steel, 5 books by meg cabot, 1 bk by lauren mcrossan, 3 bks by judith mcnaught, and so many other books by authors i can't remember...
yeah!
got hooked up to books in sec 3 (or sec2..cant remember). yup. libraries became my hangout place.schl library..i used to help the uncle wrap the new books, which allowed me to be the first person to borrow new books and get the first hand knowledge of wat new books the school library bought...haha.
every schl holiday i will go to the library..hahx..stopped reading after a while during the time i had dengue fever..hahx..tried reading in the hospital bed but couldn't concentrate..then after that had to prepare for prelims and o levels..
i was there at the opening of the jurong regional library. that was the best library visit ever. cos there were so many books...but after tt day..all the books are like gone..haha.
oh well..so happy now becos of the new tv. just find out that can adjust the width of the view...as in the movies...they usually have two black parts above and below..kind of thing..yup. that means i can watch the matrix reloaded better!!!haha
well that we have to wait for the next holidays..which is omg..december??? well...haiz
ok..gtg..my bro watching wu jian dao..i go watch liaoz!!!
♥reflected @ 5:15 PM
Wednesday, September 07, 2005 ♥
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO SU PHEI!!!!!!!!!!
Bet she won't be reading this anyway..so...
EVERYBODY WHO SEE THE WORDS ABOVE AND KNOW SU PHEI...
PLS CALL HER AND WISH HER HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!
haha..
she's leaving for england this saturday...bo hoo...the next time she comes back again...haiz. will mostly likely be december next year...
wah!!!!!!!so sad...and don't think i will be allowed to send her off..too late at night..my parents won't allow..bohoo
hate msn nicknames. at first i put it as strepsils..cos i was coughing so badly and was eating strepsils. this morning my cough didn't go away still so i thought strepsils no good. so i set my nickname as: strepsils no good.cough syrup pls. and then just now my sis saw it and said: NO! strepsils are GOOD! they are good for sore throats..then i was like..yar larh. like i care. so in the end i really dunno wat to put as my nick, i simply left a fullstop, in the end i typed this: lamalan.scala.1/3.2/3.3o3o3.4o3o4.1sd3.all 3s..!
actually well, it's true. so you yuan with 3s..haha.
i didn't noe nicknames mean so much to ppl. some ppl asked me if i was angry bcos my nickname said 'damnation' when i was jus vexed over stuffs...some ppl thought i was... watever lorhz. i didn't really care so much about msn nicknames at all..
anyway, lamalan was a nick given to me by chingli, and scala was invented by pingu-crystal..still remember those days..
still coughing..cough cough..
♥reflected @ 8:53 PM
Monday, September 05, 2005 ♥
poof.
yeah.damn.
i'm sick too. cough cough. strepsils...hacks..haha
i'll be alright tomorrow...hopefully..i've got econs remedial tomorrow..and i'm seeing su phei after that!!
yeah!
HAPPY (early) BIRTHDAY TO SU PHEI!!!!!!!!! JUST IN CASE I'M NOT GOING TO BLOG ON 7 SEPTEMBER..
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!
Kalpana's sick too..
everybody's sick or was..
david, nat, haw yi, jithra, eston, eunice..a lot lah.
cough cough..
better hurry go do my work..so much to do..
3 essay outlines, one case study and one full essay...oof so much...damn..better go do now..
♥reflected @ 7:50 PM
Friday, September 02, 2005 ♥
today was teacher's day celebrations...
was ...ok?
well we did body combat for aces day, and i was ..very proud of my class? our class was very united? oh rite..
a whole grp of ppl together..no one took the initiative to stand in the front..me and someone else did, but they continued to stay at the back and keep moving far back..until our class was consumed by other classes..and many went to join other frens..for eg. me went to join sd1..
oh yeah..so our class is so united. they move together to the back..o.wow.wait was it a grp of ppl only..watever...well, i bet they think our class is indeed united.
dao bu tong bu xiang wei mou.
yup. that's it.
after it started raining, we went to the hall. was quite unhappy at some ppl..but in the end i enjoyed the concert too..it was quite fun..especially the video of the teachers acting at students..especially mr kayden lim!! he's so funny!!haha. and our new pe teacher..so cute in sku u playing guitar..haha, the dances, singing all not bad..yup.then we were supposed to go to base class and surprise our tcher..oh well
went back to nanhua. only ac ppl went back today cos we couldn't on wed. talked to mrs sim, mrs tan, lee lao shi, and of course mr teoh.
accepted the fact abt my being in acjc.and decided to listen to mr teoh's advice, set correct priorites..and study hard..yup. mrs lim's at a course..didn't get to see her
next wed is su phei bdae..7 sept.still ven't thought of wat to give her, but dun even noe if she'll be back in s'pore..she's now in malaysia..
damn bored.
sianz mum won't allow my sis and me to go pierce our ears in the hols..sianz. tell us we ve to wait until end of next year..sian.
sept hols are here..ve to go back to sch next tues for lesson..shall mug after tt in sch..maybe..
wait until then..
promos are nearing...haiz..
♥reflected @ 9:35 PM
Thursday, September 01, 2005 ♥
yup. continueing from yesterday...
couldn't go back to nanhua yesterday.
cos acjc ended at 2p.m and then i had guitar farewell party for the j2s...by the time i go back all the teachers would have disappeared. acjc celebrates teacher's day on friday...yup
yesterday had quite fun talk before econs started, but the moment ms wong stepped in..a silencing effect took place..it was impressive to me.
recess was spent running about finding teachers and also a set of econs notes.
then by chem tutorial i started to feel giddy..math lect was just copying..didn't ve the energy to try n learn..econs was listening and sleeping..chinese went to give lao shi a card.. was my free period. went to library borrowed she diao ying xiong chuan went up saw kalpana with her frens..very sian cos dunno wat to say to them..feeling a bit out of place..saw another girl-can't remember her name(sorry)toked to her, but she also had her fren with her..so..haiz. went down to 1st level of library again, intending to sit a corner read.saw yao an..started toking to her.then her fren was asking about e photocopying card.i thought it was the new one and said so, he inserted it into the printing machine, and it got stuck inside..causing me to feel damn bad and guilty. luckily all was solved in the very end.then saw hawyi there writing his econs essay.went over to see how the essay is going.in e end, it was another stoning session for me.tried to sleep, tried to read but head very pain larh.my sis called to tell me her school ended long ago...want to further my pain..heez..well, wanted her to come..but we decided forget it..all the while she was blasting into my ear, i finally managed to lower the volume of my phone.gp was boring.watched some movie about the u.s with kids and pple everywhere carrying guns and all..didn't really understand anything..and ended up dozing off..and scared ms kaur when i approached her to tell her some girls want to go toilet..hahx. FiNaLlY school ended. but my headache became worse the moment i stepped out of the airconned place into the bright and hot sunlight. was damn walking ard trying to find guitar ppl. cos we were supposed to ve guitar party but see no pple. saw xiu jun..and by then i was so lethargic, she had to drag me to the lift. i entered the lift, and nearly just fell asleep in it. until it opened, i pull myself up and went to the classroom, slept ontop of two tables.head was so painful i cried.gave in to eating panadol..then went to buy a waffle..waited and waited finally the ppl came and food came..a makan session started.
saw xinyi, yanling and david at void deck, koped some fries for them..
got chased out of the classroom, cos we weren't allowed to eat inside..
head was still throbbing but better..was walking out of school saw mrs au, then remembered i forgot to print the chem stuff for the class, had to go back, carried the whole 2 piles..my dad couldn't drive me cos my bro wanted to cut his hair...so damn tired..slowly walked to bus-stop, 198 nearly just zoomed past me, i waved my hand crazily and thank goodness it stopped..whew!
the best thing that happened yesterday was watching the last samurai again.
it's the best movie i ever watched.
♥reflected @ 10:09 AM
