Sunday, August 26, 2012 ♥
think i'm kinda sick..
yesterday i woke up with fever and pains everywhere.. and didn't go to work as a result..pop a panadol and went back to sleep until 12pm+.
and today.. i still feel some phlegm stuck somewhere in my respiratory tract..
sighs.
dun like being sick.. cos it makes me feel weak and unable to do things..
work.. has been ok.. sort of.. i guess.. i think doing echo.. has sorta caused me to close up a bit.. cos the process is kinda quiet and solo.. and these days i have been spending my lunch time eating lunch with myself and resting.. most of the time packet food from the cafe below.. to save time and effort.
quite a number of people have left us.. sighs.. which was understandable.. cos there isn't much to keep ppl around i guess.. just high workload with more stress and less rest. i dunno how it'll be like for me in the future.. i figure i'd probably be staying longer.. tho it'll be definitely harder, cos currently i'm still 'protected' somewhat..
but time really flies very quickly.. it's so fast each day ends.. it's quite uncomfortable sometimes.. cos it's feels weird, as if you can't really grasp hold onto something.. and the day pass by unknowingly..
it is really kinda obvious that i keep holding these people who are able to pursue their dreams in awe... like my yoga teacher who is doing his yoga and other acobratic training stuffs with his wife.. and happy doing that.. like my sister who is trying very hard for her basketball.. like my fren who plays guitar really well..
i envy them to have the courage to keep chasing their dreams and believe in what they're doing.. i used to have dreams as well.. actually. but then i gave them up.. accepting the 'reality' of my situation... i mean. yep it's probably an excuse sometimes, for my lack of courage, and my own weakness.
but i'm kinda glad still, that at least.. i'm doing a job tt i am interested in (even tho it can be quite tiring sometimes)... i'm doing yoga.. and i've been adding in rollerblading and running.. =)
i'm grateful to be able to these already. =)
one thing i realised was the orbitals of my yoga teacher doesn't directly correspond with mine..not tt it really matters i guess.. just a bit 遗憾 ba.. but i cannot expect every one to be in same track as me... or can understand me.. just that sometimes i really wish i have more like-minded pple around me.. i guess most of pple wish tt as well.. cos to be in such a circle.. community.. is human .. and being able to vibrate with the same frequencies and talk the same talk.. is just amazing.. just blissful.. kinda like an acapella group or a football team kinda.. the chemistry.. is just 很难得吧!
we had a teachers' day dinner.. unfortunately it was a buffet.. and i'm not those kinda of pple who enjoys eating a lot.. so.. yup sighs.. but it was quite an enriching experience.. i'm the youngest amongst those people who were there..it was quite awkward thr out.. cos i dun really know what to talk to people or start conversations kinda..and i was sitted in the middle of the long table.. as a result i can hear the talk from my left half of the table.. and also the right half of my table... and i dun really know which side i belong too.. so i'm kinda like switching left and right occasionally.. and there was a time me and one of the uncles were chatting a bit too happily, agreeing about some thoughts we had about the way the yoga teacher teaches..LOL.. which unfortunately could have been thought as a bit of mediocre and amateur.. but from another perspective.. just realistic.
i think one thing i've learnt from yoga.. from the occasional chats with my various 'elders' - teachers and seniors etc.. from my readings.. and from experience.. is to always be open minded.. and dun conclude too easily.. about things and people..
i do realise that i used to always set off with a sorta image or expectations i have of people.. so it will inevitably affect how i interact or deal with people. i am still working on that.. how to avoid being judgemental.. and approach things with a fresh mind.
i admit that sometimes.. i seem to look like a pushover.. and at certain settings.. i do let people push me around.. or speak louder.. but i do think many people.. esp my old frens.. rmbr me otherwise.. they remember me as a fierce, independent and strong opinionated person. in fact.. i do have some very strong views at a certain times.. just that depending on circumstances and feelings.. they come out or not. i think.. in both scenes actually.. it was still me.. cos of my own lack of confidence sorta.. i either become pushy and persistent in my view points.. or become quiet and hidden.. which again.. i am trying to learn to balance.
it's great anyway.. that slowly.. i seem to be able to learn things on my own.. feel things on my own.. it takes time, continuous effort and intention.. that is one reason why i thought that it doesn't matter much now.. if others can feel me or understand me or see my change.. cos it's for me.
hahaa... =) writing these thoughts make me happy.. one of the reasons why my blog is still alive and kicking =)
anyways... i have been following a few korean dramas.. the first three via dramabeans.. and the last one by watching (cos no recaps.. but i'm finding it a bit physically tiring now..)
First: Arang and the Magistrate!
i'm glad Lee Junki is back! his first drama after his comeback from army! =) i'm also glad that he's picked such a choice.. cos indeed its genre and story is really interesting! it's about the mystical heavenly gods and ghosts.. i'm glad it's recapped on dramabeans.
Second: Heundae Lovers
The only reason i'm still reading this one is because of the main actor, Kim Kang Woo. I liked him in quite a no. of shows, one being The Slingshot aka Story of a Man. I tried watching a bit of the show, but it was in the dialect used in Heundae.. couldn't really get used to the way it sounds.. so.. plus didn't want to waste time watching shows like these...
Third: Faith
Kim Hee Sun! Wow.. haha yep she's back in dramaland.. I'm following this one cos i'm intrigued with the storyline, as well as the actor combination.. the story's quite mystical too.. the main actor Lee Min Ho travelling thr time and kidnaps modern day plastic surgeon, Kim Hee Sun, back to olden eras.
Last one: Golden Time
This one is a medical drama, set in more of the A&E department.. I am surprised to see Lee Sung Min taking the lead in this one. Like finally! He gets an opportunity to show off his acting skills, his charisma.. kinda like doing the Kim Kyung Min or Shin Ha Kyun thing.. haha. the thing is he acted as the Neurodepartment professor in 'Brain' with Shin Ha Kyun. The show's not bad.. just a bit tiring to follow cos have to watch it..
Another drama I have been watching a bit is Miss Rose, 螺丝小姐要出嫁. A taiwan show. Taiwan dramas seem to have taken a fall.. after a few good ones last year..
The storyline's a bit silly.. but still.. i guess i'm watching cos of it's sillyness.. hahaha i think sometimes i still require the olden teenage years kind of sillyness in my life? haha... 邱泽's acting's not bad either.. so yup. haha
Recently watched one movie: Total Recall
Mainly cos my sis wanted to watch it. it's not bad.. kinda reminded me of The Matrix.. but of course, Matrix is like the 始祖 - incomparable. =)
Have been reading a book as well..
taking my time to slowly read it.. other than becos work takes up most of my time.. i read as often as i can.. and it's not a fast reading material.. so yup. I still halfway there.. so maybe review nxt time!
Okiessss!! Time's up!
haha really have to go back to my study table, and hopefully study more!!
Namaste =)
♥reflected @ 4:23 PM
Sunday, August 12, 2012 ♥
yesterday's yoga was good =) was much better than last week.. in a way cos i was physically stronger and that helped me focus in my yoga better as well. ran less on friday during gyming session as well.. plus there was less work this week cos of the national day holiday and my one day's leave.
as a result, i was able to realise some things on my own as well.. what my body was feeling, with less pains and also realise some of my own imbalances.. and my yoga teacher was so pleasantly surprised.. so happy cos of my ability to feel things (like finally).. haha.. i was kinda amused at his glee. hahaa
i'm still working on it. haha. to think that when i told him last week (half-jokingly) that there were times during the session that i felt like quitting cos occasionally my brain could only think of the word 'pain' throughout.. and he actually told me i should if i really want to, and dun have to give him face tt kinda stuffs.. i was quite taken aback. hahaa. cos for one i didn't really mean it; for two i thought he would have told me that it is okay; yoga can actually help to strengthen me and stuff; for three i dun think i would ever quit yoga... i mean the source of my pain is not yoga.. so why should i quit yoga?! plus yoga is doing me really good.. so yep i was kinda shocked that he actually encouraged tt idea. he probably thought i was really in pain (which i really did.. especially the times when my work was crazy).
which reminds me.. that my worklife is going to be like super duper crazy.. very soon? like it's not crazy enough already? hahaa.. sighs. yep the workload is going to increase yet again.. we are kinda like driven to our max.. pushing ourselves like machines.. globbing our food in minutes, rushing to the next session quickly.. hoping work ends soon.. and the next thing.. the day's ended and everyone packs to leave.. while i start to put myself on slow mo.. recovery state..
i think it's bound to cause displeasure in some pple.. with no extra benefits to keep morale up.. and we're already kinda shorthanded..i hope that there's not going to be more pple leaving.. sighs.
i need to study more.. absorb more quickly.. and move faster and yet still do things right.. that is so like going to stress me up perhaps..
anyways.. last tuesday marks the end of the skating class i have been attending.. i'm glad to have learnt quite a no. of stuffs that i didn't get to learn when i was younger.. =)
coming week i have an admin session.. which is great.. so that i can do the things that i need to do without having to stay back =) yippe and also i have more time to rest my wrist and shoulders.
met some old friends during the national day holiday. i must really say that i respect my fren a lot.. for her independence, her strength and perseverance.. to live thr all the shit she's been through.. she told me.. she had no choice anyway.. and circumstances built the person.. but i believe, given another person in the same situation.. the person may come out different still. i think it's amazing she's doing quite well.
anyways.. i must share this! maroon 5 and jason mraz do yoga too! haha it's kinda cool to know that! haha i thought adam levine's body had to be from lots of crunches and stuff? lol. hahaa still... see! men doing yoga is not = gay alright! those pple around me really got to alter their mindsets! (altho.. lol..long time ago i had that misconception as well? but seriously, nooo way! haha)
alrights.. gotta end here.. need to go study and do some work! not much time already!
ganbatte for the week ahead!!
namaste~
♥reflected @ 7:58 PM
Monday, August 06, 2012 ♥
I guess.. I am really still trying to learn..
to learn a lot of things.. to learn how to grow up, how to be mature.. how to face things steadily.. how not to react that big..
how to get over the heart-wrenching feelings i get whenever i get upset..
i know i'm making it hard for myself cos i'm kinda fighting myself sometimes.. like brain vs. heart.. somehow many times my heart seems to take control more..
how to not let my gut down and become the nonsense kid i can be... the childish vs. the stern act pro me.. i guess part of the reason why i can seem to have a lot of personalities at certain times.. is cause i let the events around me.. to affect my emotions and hence affect me and how i may react.. and present myself.
and of course.. i have to learn my job well.
i know that there are many times i simply just stress myself, beating myself over the things i don't do well... yet i still kinda procrastinate.. and don't really do much about it.. kinda like 纸上谈兵.. i hope it's more of 心有余而力不足, rather than lip service.. i know my life is kinda screwed up in a way.. cos every day i come home after work.. i just.. sleep. the next day.. work, come home and sleep. on weekends.. i just slack them out.. saturday is allocated to yoga and slack.. and sunday.. just slack. i only managed a bit of studying last week.. today was.. just slacking.. watching dvds, went out to eat dinner with my mum and back home.. slack somemore.
sighs.
i really have to organize myself better.. and sorta find back my balance in life.
and there are things i should really put down.. as in really put down. cos if i really want to let them go.. i really should. if i dun want to be affected by certain things or certain people anymore.. i should really learn to accept them as that way.. and then let them go.. and just concentrate on doing my own job well. when i say i want to forgive them for the way they treat me.. i should really let go and forget about them.
yoga.. has been quite tiring recently..i think cos i started gyming on friday nights.. and i had to work on these two saturdays, my energy level is taxed a bit.. plus last week i had diarrhoea and stomach cramps from my stress at work.. and this week i had diarrhoea from all the spicy foods i ate.. yep.. i was kinda 'physically challenged' with my gyming+work+yoga.. all that with my emotional instability.. PLUS the physical pains i get from my work... yep yoga has been quite tough for me recently - pain and discomfort and struggle whether to give up or keep pushing.. deciding whether i should listen to my body or listen to my brain.. haha sighs..
maybe it's time i start doing restorative yoga..
i have started to notice how my body is reacting to the work hazards i have at work.. i come home and wake up with backaches, arm and wrist pains, and stiff shoulders.. cracking joints...
and yet.. i have signed the bond.
i dunno.. i have long thought about the pros and cons.. these were the biggest cons.. and going thr the real training now.. already has me thinking about how i am going to live thr.. the worrying thing is that the speed they're going is kinda fast.. cos of the increase in workload.. we've just been dropped into the pool and rushed into learning how to wade.. and swim.
i think i really need to end this soon.. cos i'm starting to feel sleepiness creep in.. and i still got to pack my stuffs and hopefully do a bit of reading before i fall asleep.. and still have to wake up earlier for tmr's session.
ganbatte!
and..
namaste.
♥reflected @ 12:39 AM
