Sunday, December 08, 2013 ♥
Haven't blogged for quite some time..
Have a cousin's wedding to attend tomorrow.. which set me off thinking about how time has passed, things have changed.. the environment around me, the people.. and myself.
My birthday was spent half day at work (which I would never do again.. cos it drew some unhappy results which I don't quite think I might forget..) and the second half.. walking around bugis, shopping.. and having some bouts of diarrhea.
Luckily, there are some good memories too.. mum baked a cheesecake for us to celebrate our birthday.. A couple of people treated me to lunch and dinner.. my yoga teacher, and a colleague.
There was a time I was pretty sick.. down with flu, then gastritis, then diarrhea..was sick for about 3 consecutive weeks.. and lost a bit of weight (which I quickly gained back haha..) and there was a time I was a little hardworking and brought some work home to do, study a little and stuff? There was a time I was encouraged by a superior to pursue his dreams (I choose to write 'his' because, it didn't lasted as mine, didn't originate from myself either), to participate in an overseas competition...There was a time I thought I could be more than I was.. and forgot humility... There was a time I argued and fought against the system, and had the notion that this world seemed to be like the Matrix... haha..
Recently.. and now.. I have fallen into a comfort zone... Lack of motivation to study more, or want to move ahead or sorts at my job.. fallen into the conformity of the workplace - as a tool...hmms
A colleague asked me yesterday - the next appraisal, what will you want to do? And I gave her the answer I thought of at that moment - I don't know.. In the times when I had very bad back pain after a day's work - the only thoughts I had was 'I don't want to do this anymore', 'What am I going to do', 'Why am I doing this?'.. Other than those times... I'm just doing my job.. I guess, not many other thoughts anymore. My friends, colleagues talked about 'passion'... Passion for my job... hmms. I do like my job, and I do like what I do.. and I take pride in what I do too.. does that count as passion?
Knowing that I am getting a little too comfortable with what I am doing is a start I guess.. I need to move my ass and pull up my socks.. cos the one who stops at the same spot just gets left behind.. Darwin's theory of evolution - smth that my mum taught me since young.
After I quit pole about half a year ago.. cos my work is too tiring for pole.. and my back couldn't take it.. I have been treating my back.. with a lot of TCM.. now I'm doing some physiotherapy, learnt some exercises, but I would think it's probably less helpful than yoga.. cos yoga I do it every week, and sometimes more than once, while the exercises I learnt from physio, I do it occasionally.. but at least I do it every now and then, as much as I can, esp those that I can do seated down.
I am very grateful for my yoga teacher.. cos he is a friend, a teacher, a councilor and a guide to me. In this series of sessions, he incorporated some stuffs for building shoulders and upper back, which is especially helpful to me.
I have done yoga under him for about more than two years now. Till now, unlike how some who might think that I'm doing some ultraflexible and impossible poses etc, I'm still unable to overcome head stand and handstand.. and splits etc.. Especially after my back injury.. But I think my attitude has changed.. I'm doing more of thinking now.. during yoga.. like which body part i'm working on kinda? and less of how the pose looks like and i want to do that pose etc.. (altho occasionally my brain will still derail and think about other stuffs like work and colleagues etc...hahaa..)
like how I told my boss yesterday..
Yoga energizes me =)
I'm going to start hearing less of what people say.. and start hearing more of what I think now..
and yep another thing.. even in my little bubble, I should be more alert.. hmms.
Alrights.. going to end my post here.. till next time!
♥reflected @ 1:13 AM
