Saturday, October 29, 2005 ♥
in reply to the anonymous person who advise me to buck up and grow up:
well if you have seen how ppl had used my tagboard to hurt ppl, if you have seen how mean and harsh those words that are used, you will understand.
besides, i'm fine with how i am.i do not require you to tell me that i shld grow up. and if i cannot accept critism, that will be my own business, not yours.
however, i do thank you for your kind words and advice. i trust that they were meant with gd intention.
i will not hesitate to remove the comment system too if someone with bad attitude tries to toy with it.
and the next thing you are going to tell me, i believe, is to don't blog since i'm not mature enough.well, i will tell those who are even more childish to stop going around and tamper with other ppl's stuffs.
♥reflected @ 4:25 PM
Friday, October 28, 2005 ♥
Last day of school today.
yesterday was a stupid day..rushing here and there to photocopy stuff for ppl, meet my sis then go home thinking that i had to go return the books..in the end..no need..
watched a very lame movie called talking cock..
today..is the last day of school..two periods of chinese which i dun need to go for, 1 period of gp then recess, bio then two periods of pw.and pw and gp, ms kaur isn't here. supposed to have chem and maths lecture too..but after bio, everyone's gone. only left me.
in the end went to find sabbie and hang ard with her classmates..felt sad cos some of them were to be retained..
after sab and her frens left to play smth dunno wat cs, i went to find joannie, jc and tania etc.joei and tania drawing cards for kiwi..
after a while..i left and sat at the bleachers to stone..i quite like stoning at the bleachers..cos it's quiet..and there's always some light wind...
ruggers were training and hockey ppl were leaving for match..
intended to sit there listen to jaychou and read..then yingling sophia and two other guys dunno/can't remember their names came to sit with me..they were deciding where to go, asked me what i am still doing in school.it's nice to sit there quietly among them and listen to them talk..i wish my class was like tt. everybody's so close, so like friends. they don't just hangout together. they are friends.real heartwarming friends.
they left and after some time..at abt 4.30+ i decided to go home..
watched wangzibianqingwa again today!!! haha..i like it so much!!!it so sweet nice and funny!! i want to continue watching next week..but i doubt i can..cos it's going to be changed to 7..then dad and mum wants to watch tong xing yuan and if bro's at home, they'll let him watch channel 5.so unfair. but wateva.
lucky today bro's out..i got to watch it..
sianz. today's last day of school was boring. for me. my class chairman and her gang went to ikea..well they dominate the class anyway..i guess they shld have had loads of fun..dun ask me why i didn't follow..
i dunno. it just didn't felt right. for me to go. cos it's already bad to not go for lect, worse to go out of school together led by chairperson..and furthermore..i would have felt..i dunno..wierd? like i'm not supposed to be there..cos i dun belong to their gang.
i guess i'll be ok with sitting alone. sometimes i like sitting alone quietly..either dun think of anything or spend time think through something..watch pple train for soccer or rugby at the field, trackers x-ppl run..sometimes jus with a friend or some friends..just listening to wind blowing at us..or bcos i'm sad/unhappy/angry/pissed at something/somebody/somebodies...jus sit there and jus grumble and whine..haha
sometimes i dun like to be alone too.haha.
everyone has times whereby you'll like to be alone, times whereby you jus want to go crazy with your frens.
hols are here.there's quite a lot of hw..and stuffs to work on..esp pw..
looking forward to 4/3 outing if there is.
waiting patiently for classchairwoman/someone to organize smth for sd3..cos i won't be doing it.at least i'm forcing myself to not to..i've sort of given up some time ago already.
i dun want to think abt next year just yet.
♥reflected @ 10:25 PM
Wednesday, October 26, 2005 ♥
Today we got our result slips, ie. our results after moderation.
I'm so relieved that my whole class gets to promote/advance. I am happy for all of them. I am relieved for yen nee and sabbie..
but i'm also sad for the 20 ppl of the j1s who are going to be retained, and also those who have to drop subjects.
i worry for the class. even though they all are intelligent, they just don't work hard enough. i wish everyone will buckle up, come to school and don't pon lessons..furthermore it's just 2 more days b4 hols...and those who are doing ao chinese paper next mon..pls study hard..
i am upset at myself for caring so much too.and worrying too much. because probably they already know what to do..and stuffs..and i am worrying for nothing.
watever.
watched crimewatch together with my parents.all these days i did nothing but watch tv and slack.can't wait for hols to come.other than working on op and i&r, i did absolutely nothing. the crimewatch was about hawyi's dad. yup. after that i continued watching the wang zi bian qing wa show..i like tt alot..it's so funny and 'romantic' haha..
econs we already had only 6 ppl..lucas has to drop.adelle wants to drop.and i heard hawyi appealed sucessfully to keep 4 subs.lucky him. to be able to promote and keep the 4 subs.
i am worried about the possibility of having to join another class for econs. esp if we join an arts class. tt will be terrible for me. in the first three months we had quite a lot of ppl taking econs..like abt 12..then after the first three months kaamini went to nj, the rest switched to lit, we ended up with 6. actually truthfully speaking first three months econs wasn't very good too.
so tt's abt it for today.
had a fun time talking to sabbie after school after guitar meeting, while i was wallking her to the mrt, originally intending to walk her only to the bus stop...
yup.
:)
♥reflected @ 8:42 PM
Tuesday, October 25, 2005 ♥
既然道不同不相為謀，你走你的陽光道，我走我的獨木橋吧！
所謂：“皇上不急太監急”，況且我是杞人憂天也是旁觀者，那么就算我想怎么不隔岸關火，想雪中送炭，也幫不了你；因為你根本不在乎。
I always knew..yet probably it was just coincidence..
well anyway.
i wash my hands off you.
:)
♥reflected @ 7:47 PM
Monday, October 24, 2005 ♥
You once asked me this question:
why do i care?
now let me tell you: cos i cared.
and now. i want to no longer care. i am going to force myself to not care anymore.
事有轻重缓急，关键在于懂得分辨其中之分别，不是盲目追遂自己的想法和要的，而逃避更不是办法。知错能改善莫大焉，知错不改就让人更加心寒！
i give up on you.
♥reflected @ 6:59 PM
Sunday, October 23, 2005 ♥
busy busy
yesterday had open house.
friday we got back all our promo paper results, handed up written report for the darn pw, and prepared for yesterday's open house.
thursday after school went to the library with sis, who at first was saying that maybe we go bowling or watch a movie together, but we still ended up going to te jurong east libary in the end. i bought you magazine so that i can read about the wang zi bian qing wa, cos i noe that i won't get to watch it. indeed. but ever since after school i was feeling quite blue already. at first i felt okay if i don't get to watch it bcos my parents want to watch tong xing yuan, but it ended up my dad letting my bro watching channel 5 which pissed me off. in the end i went up and hid myself and started crying again. for the whole week i cried nearly every day. so it's like the stupid tv was the catalyst this time, and made me think of so so many things i just kept crying..thinking of how hard it is to find just one person to sit with me and lend me a shoulder to cry on.how hard it is to find one person to talk to.these few days i mostly hanged out with sabbie and her friends..though most of the time i was just stoning..so i went to bed at about 9.30 on thurs.yet on fri morning when i woke up i was still so tired..my eyes felt so sore and tired.and when i reached school.i felt dark blue.haha.
so when xinyi called me and i went to sit with her at the bleachers..i just sat there and started crying again..and when i went back, joei told me i to tie her hair so that i cheer up but in the end i started tying and crying again instead..and joanne was shocked..haha..really sorry i was just not the mood tt day
maybe it was just pre-results stress..
so..we went to nl14 and waited for so so long for our results.i had to check wuijia's papers too..so shou mang jiao luan..haha.anyway..my results were all predictable..i didn't actually had to see them to noe how i did..i already xin zhi du ming after each paper. and i noe which teachers are especially disappointed in me..i am really sorry to them.i am disappointed in myself too.for chem and maths. i failed chem and passed maths with a 50.can tell that kayden lim is very disappointed and upset with me..
i don't really noe abt the other ppl in class, how they did, but i really hope tt everyone will get promoted or at least advanced.i do noe that there are many ppl who will have to drop 4th sub. there's only 6 ppl taking econs and only me, andrew and xiangning passed.ms wong is also very disappointed in us.lucas, adelle and i think hawyi too have to drop econs i think..but i hope they don't have to.cos i dun want to have only 3 ppl in class, plus i really believe that hawyi's gd at econs.
after getting back the results and handing in our wr, we went to the hall for briefing on open house then started preparing for open house.finally got everything in place.
yesterday open house was quite boring for me. went there at 9, brought my discman but the hall was so noisy couldn't hear a thing,if not i blasted my earphones so loud until my eardrums hurt.it was supposed to be my shift but then there were so many ppl there, i was extra.helped draw labels and went to see dance and drama performance.my brain was so disorientated cos of a wierd and confusing dream i had on fri night, i was sleeping and blur.walked sabbie out and hera in.then i was so sian i went to the bleachers with my discman sat there and listened to celine dion. nearly fell asleep then the vp walked past asked if i'm ok and told me not to sleep there. waited for a while, got my guitar and my sis came, handed over my guitar for dad and mum to bring it home. so i brought sis a walk around.let her see the shooting stuff- only thing she was interested in.went to cafe to eat and injured my finger. watched a bit of strings..went to bleachers again..cos open house was really boring so i watched ppl playing touch rug and my sis read while we listened to jay chou at the same time. had to fight the urge to run a rew rounds around the track, but sis said dun want to attract attention furthermore nobody's looking after our stuffs. she commented that the small grp performance by our guitar ensemble is as if guit only have tt few ppl.well..wat can i say?
then we left went to jp walked around and saw the very cute guitars of all shapes and sizes..ate dinner and brought sis to cut her hair. and haha cut my fringe too..but sis always look cooler than me..my fringe is like hers, but she looks cool, i look stupid.
i have so much stuff to do. i&r, chem file, alkenes, op...
haiz. i have to look over my papers too..
now..WATCH TV!!
♥reflected @ 10:07 AM
Wednesday, October 19, 2005 ♥
i HATE PW.
the worst thing ever is that you have to fight with your twin sister for the computer.
cos she's doing pw also. and come on all she wants to do is to amend the little changes for her op. and i haven't even had a chance tor ead the written report and i really need to redo my op.
damnation.
and when you have such a lousy comp.
no cd burner.no thumbdrive connection. pentium 1 only i think. and windows 98.
see. how laid back?
last time we didn't even have broadband. we only had it like from this year june onwards.
see.
and i'm damn pissed with ppl at school. at my class. guitar. teachers. and all.
i'm so worried about my results. worried for me and my class. but like my classmates care or even noe that i care so much for them? really.i've been thinking: why should i do so much stupid stuff for my class when they dun see, dun appreciate, dun understand?
why should i care so much for them when they don't?
it's not my job to do all those stuff too? so where is this responsible person?
i'm upset at this girl.who is supposed to be my friend.who has her so many other friends.who always neglect me. who always give so much excuses..who always overreact at stuff.
why is the world so full of pretence..so full of ppl with knives hidden behind their smiles?
i told sabbie i'm tired of being the kind-hearted, caring, responsible, trustworthy, reliable person..
but truly, am i actually one?
i tried hard to be cheerful in class...but nothing can be changed.they all in their own cliques. and i'm on my own. sometimes i try to just absorb tt fact and all, but really deep down inside, i dun like it. but no choice.
i was proud of guitar. and i stayed in ac for guitar.yet it disappointed me. xiujun disappointed me. joanne, jc and tania all disappointed me. but they themselves dun think so, they themselves dun noe. yes, they have done a lot, we appreciate all that, but they dun share. the workload, the fun of doing stuffs together. the meaning of ensemble is lost. so much for insisting the announcer to say guitar ensemble tt day the guys ran the relay. they can change it to guitar club.
sabbie and i both hoped that after the concert, things will change for the better. apparently not.i discovered i changed a lot too. in the first three months and before syf and all i was so cheerful and bright in guitar..but eversince the concert..i was unhappy.esp the times we 'had' 'practice' for concert..i practically cried almost everytime. but they will never understand.
sickening open house.
sickening fun-o-rama.
one day, you will just grow tired of everything. everything in the world.
i think it maybe is just because all these days after school i am so free me and my brain just linger so much..
friday we'll get back all the papers.
we can only hope for the best.
me in guitar is totally diff person from me in class.
i think wat made me me in class..which resulted in me only in class..is the existence of meixi on the first day i met sd3.the very first day.last day of orientation.
okay...
i will TRY to smile more..so tt i'll look less dao..
but i really think..that nothing will change.
♥reflected @ 11:14 PM
Friday, October 14, 2005 ♥
Even my mum says i look fierce
haha
Yesterday and today we had ac games.
and our class play one captain's ball and let another class walked over for both touch rugby and bridge. yesterday we played captain's ball first game.against sc2.we were lousy lar.truthfully.cos they were real good.i saw them play against another arts class which was quite gd today. which showed tt they really can play well.but their problem is that only the guys are moving the ball around the court. they neglect their own members.well actually all grps face that.haha
didn't feel bad abt not being able to play touch rug.cos we aren't gd anyway and most of us dunno how to play the game.
today only few ppl came.i spent time with sabbie's class.sb8.they are cao ji energectic. played almost everything.
saw andrew's blog. was impressed.amazed.abt his pw grp going out and have fun together. my grp? ..erm..well we work and never play. besides one of the reasons is that they each have their own cliques.
xian mu xian mu..
dinner..
♥reflected @ 4:51 PM
Tuesday, October 11, 2005 ♥
DON'T YOU DARE VANDALIZE MY BLOG
♥reflected @ 10:36 AM
Thursday, October 06, 2005 ♥
i went ard looking at other pple's blogs..and discover..well, truthfully i don't have much friends.
i dunno what to say about that.
it's scary to me sometimes..that someone you don't like likes you. it's kinda scary- random thought
i seem to 'know' many ppl around in school. it's true. i only 'know'. and sometimes..i'm happy about that.sometimes i'm sad about that.
everything is complex to me. the world is complicated. human minds are so unpredictable. yet those i noe well, and some i don't know well, i know wat they will say, think and do.or maybe i presume i do. or probably just coincidents.
friends to me..are sort of a huge responsibility.actually almost everything is a responsibility.and i feel respect for everything. or i presume i do.
well. I think too much.
bcos at this moment i have nothing to do..and don't wish to study..well i am going to sleep soon..
that will end my crapping for today.
this is my second post today..actually cos i was distracted when typing my previous one..
today had chem spa.
dunno why..the moment i reached school..i just felt gigglish. i couldn't stop grinning. everything seemed to be funny to me. probably it was just an unconscious act of lying to myself..to try to show pple that i am happy and trying to be optimistic..
maybe i was just feeling too slacked. cos i left only two papers.
today chem's spa was about making aspirin..in the beginning i totally freaked out. freaked out.nearly just gave up. stupid experiment so many water baths and filtration..make me so confused...but i kinda like the experiment..at first i wasn't sure if i had to boil the water bath..and for a moment i just heat the thing with the conical flask inside then i read the paper and it read 'water bath' not 'boiling water bath' making me totally confused.then i turned off the flame.then i saw the word 'heat' the thing in a water bath. then i turned on the flame again. i turned it down till very small and didn't realize that the flame was gone..ie.all the while i was writing..the gas was coming at my face..i didn't noe until i looked up and see no flame. i was so shocked...quickly i lighted it again. all in all the bunsen burner failed me twice...and then i could see some other ppl doing the experiment real fast..panicked..haiz.
after the spa..again felt lost again..but kept myself in good spirits decided to walk to the mrt and go je library..met jithra who went to the library with me..i nearly lost my wallet in the library..cos i was holding so many cookbooks in my hands with the wallet..i put it all down on the cupboard when i reached into my bag to take my dad's call..hurried off with the books and forgot about my wallet.
i was going to borrow the books, discovered i dun have my wallet..rushed back to find but it wasn't there..then an announcement came to tell me to go the the counter. i was SO damn relieved. my heart just popped out. i cant imagine what will happen if i....i lost my wallet once. and never got it back only my ezlink came back..i lost a jacket..i forgot my stuff...gosh..i'm getting so old..THANK YOU TO THE KIND LIBARIAN(or lady who works in the library) WHO FOUND MY WALLET AND HANDED IT TO THE COUNTER!!!!!!i am so grateful...tt she was there.but something that prevented me from freaking out breaking down was that the kind lady was even more flustered than me..thank you so much and so sorry for being so forgetful and making you so more worried for the irresponsible and forgetful owner..
thanks.
mum scolding me...gtg
♥reflected @ 10:02 PM
♥
Promos are here
and only bio spa and bio paper left for me on sat and monday respectively. i can't wait for them to come and end.
i dunno wat to say about exams. i sort of like them..in the sense that whenever i come home.. i simply sit at the table and read my stuff do my notes and...concentrate..and nothing else will bother me..i'll forget abt everything. like when i read my books...like i'm totally detached from the world and everyone..but the bad things about exams are that you worry. whether about or during the process, or the results..and they also play an important part in determining your future...and also..you will get tired of studying..
tomorrow a free day for me...i know i should be studying bio..but i just don't feel like it.. bored of studying..
i wonder how i will feel next monday after the paper..happy because exams are finally over...lost because i won't know what to do next..i will most probably come out of the exam hall..then stand down there at the sports complex look around for a while..try to think of what to do..then no choice..go home. then watch tv.stone. or read my books and...
see.
it's really all i will do.
hopefully i can: watch a movie.and i probably won't be even able to do that. i wish i can ice skate too...
maybe all i will hope for is jus a chance to be with me and myself and stone.
promos..i don't want to think of them now...
...i jus crapped!!! i jus crapped!!!
haha
exam stressed...(9.6)..haha
♥reflected @ 8:50 PM
