Saturday, May 26, 2012 ♥
my blog has sorta become my 'yoga journal' i think! haha which is a why not - since the book i read suggests that we keep an 'empowerment journal' to record down our the feelings we felt during each yoga session.. but for me, i guess it's more like cos my life is now just made up of work and yoga, so naturally i blog more abt them.
these two weeks have been kinda crazy for me.. been working overtime a lot; getting home late each day. and so this week i was really worn out - the stress, together with the lack of rest, i am now sick. sighs. the administrative stuffs tt i have to do outside daily duties.. packed me to the max - with new machines, influx of pts, my partners disappearing to al or mc.. i finally burned out. mc-ed for thursday.. sighs. so many things to do.. need to study..and now plus an extra group project to do.
this morning when i woke up i was super tired, lethargic and felt so sick it really took me quite a bit to crawl to work.. by the session ended, i was really tired and felt really sick - all stressed up and wondering if i can still do yoga. my nose was stuffy and still kinda runny, my eyes were tired, swollen and wanting to tear, while i felt totally blue and stressed. struggled thr the journey on train.
finally when i reached the studio, i realised i really needed to let all of that out. i didn't want to bring them into my yoga session; i wanted to be able to enjoy my lesson and go thr it well, neither did i want to let these emotions keep ruling me. so i went off to the toilet and cried. wallowed in my self-pity, acknowledging my stress, worries, sadness and pain i felt due to my work and my flu. i sort surrendered myself to these tears and then went back to yoga class.
it was.. quite amazing. during the class i managed to just focus on tt moment - doing yoga - just on my breath and the flow. and i enjoyed it thoroughly. the poses that were tough became easier.. i felt tt i was really in it. it was great. (altho i fell when i was practising my handstand. hahaa - poor me the instructor didn't come and support me =( hahaa) but it was really good.. i forgot about all the stress..about my work. i think the crying session really helped a lot too. haha
unfortunately, after the first class, my nose decided to play a fool.. and my breath got stuck everywhere - i felt that i couldn't breathe through and it was horrid. it sorta spoilt the mood for the second class, but i think it's better to rmbr the better emotions more.
my yoga helped me quite a bit i would think. especially now with my work, i need to bulk up my wrist and forearm, and my back strength, plus, learn how to stretch them. there's still a lot of things i need to do tho. i need to be more conscious of my emotions and thoughts so that i'm empowered, rather than feel like i'm grasping desperately, out of control and struggling to be in control. tt is smth i need to learn still.
yesterday i was in popular book store and it was having a sale.. and i was resisting the temptation to buy some books. sighs... but as always, becos i know i can save the money and borrow the book from the library, i didn't buy any. besides i have quite a many books on hand to read already.
okies... having said that, i should really go off and bury myself into work now!
i've booked my holiday! yepss! hopefully i'll be able to do some yoga by the beach...? tt'll be so fun =) haha
GANBATTE!
~and all that is difficult - is in the mind. breathe and it shall pass.
♥reflected @ 1:30 AM
Sunday, May 20, 2012 ♥
This week, i started my training for the new job scope. it's kinda tough, my trainer has high expectations of me, and the rate that she pushes me is actually quite fast.. and together with the other stuffs that i need to manage, it's kinda tough and i was a bit struggling.. she told me that i have to slowly move slightly out of tt area of in-charge...
the training itself.. it's kinda tough, after just doing one round, my arm was painful and my hand was trembling.. another girl is learning as well.. and i have this feeling that she and her trainer are kinda competitive.. tt gives me a little pressure, and i have been trying to just focus on myself and work on myself; not to be distracted by other people. there have been people asking after me - 'how's ur training' etc.. and yup. definitely i have a lot to study and remember..
the last weeks were kinda struggling.. emotionally and physically.. a lot of instability.. confusion.. and i realised there were some things, be it ideas/beliefs/activities that i try too hard to hold on to.. which stresses me out, stresses people out unknowingly. and a simple thing becomes harder than it seems.
yesterday.. somehow i found my way out.. kinda like enlightenment? not really, it just felt probably like my mind was clearer, my brain was more open, and i could actually really 'hear' what the yoga instructor was talking about - i really could understand what was going on, i felt my body, felt the asanas, felt my breath. it was like finally i was doing yoga. i was just breathing through my poses, just doing yoga.. there were moments definitely, that my thoughts would wonder away.. and then i catch myself and sorta coax myself back to emptiness and focus on the moment.
i think reading this book "Empowering your life with Yoga" really helped me a lot. i like it a lot. i like that it goes into the theory a bit, the practical a bit, teaching us how to do the postures, also sharing with us how it might feel.. his and his students' experiences, and also how to apply it into our life. it's a great book.. i wonder if it's sold anywhere so that i can own it though..
another book i read is 'Message in a Bottle' by Nicholas Sparks. Picked it up cos I watched the "Lucky One" previously, so i was looking for it in the library, wondering if the book version would be better. But there wasn't one, so borrowed 'Message in a Bottle" instead. It's alright.. still kinda "nicholas sparks" like.. not truly realistic.. and storyline is actually kinda similar to the "lucky one" and the ending was kinda... disappointing.. but overall still ok lar.
taking a week off in june, and hoping to be able to book a holiday...
but my sis sighs she's like not really interested and always delaying, which i can probably understand, cos everybody prefers to put their own stuffs as the first priority. but she really should know that in tt case, she can't blame it when it becomes too late for certain things.
sighs.
i'll consider - if i can't manage to book a holiday.. i'd probably cancel my leave... no point staying home stressing myself out.
we've signed up for the jurong lake run together.. a bit disappointed cos she said "let's go training" together.. in the end, she just went running herself.. but nvm.. i will just work on it my own then. sighs.
alright.. have to go and study really hard later!!!! ganbatte!
♥reflected @ 12:08 PM
