Monday, July 26, 2010 ♥
i was going to doze off actually.. but i really wanted to blog first before i give up to sleep, and so here i am, typing my post while struggling to keep my eyes open.
anyways... today
i wasted 10 bucks on a machine in the arcade, those kinda 抓抓乐. i know it was stupid and damn wasteful.. but i still tried it. the actual reason for it was more than just wanting the soft toy inside, but cos i really wanted to try it. cos i haven't tried it before and didn't want to wait until i was really old. but then, indeed, 10 is a bit too much.
ok i'm really really tired cos i keep dozing off.
....and i just woke up..
so i'm slightly more awake after that few minutes of nap..
anyway work this week was quite horrid. first, i found out that i have to continue and repeat and restart the microscope thinggy. second, i realise that i have given too much of my heart to my students. third, i actually watched the kdrama.
which means,
i was totally drained, both emotionally and physically, perhaps, like how the boy who helped me wash my hair at the hairdresser's said. yes, i went back to get my hair trimmed - and that was yesterday after my lessons, when i was totally in my stressed up and really tight mode; plus i felt extra apologetic and nervous having to go back to get my hair trimmed by another hairdresser with the previous one just standing nearby.
oh wells...
life can be just so.. tiring sometimes.
along the week i've thought of learning piano.. but then i've been trying to learn very basic stuffs like how to read music etc.. on my own.. i hope i won't give up halfway.. my sis says i'm being too ambitious...?
anyway, here's a poem that i wrote.. during haha..one of the meetings i had, in order to keep myself awake. i tried to add in some of the stuffs i've taught the kids.
Life is hard and full of challenges
Of ups and downs limitless
For once you might think it's endless
Lift up your spirits and be courageous
Life is difficult when alone
Weariness and loneliness sets the tone
For once you might want to pick up the phone
Call anytime I'll give strength to your bones
Life is complete if you persist
Overcome the difficulties to clear the mist
For once you might clench your fist
Grit your teeth and you will see...
Life may be beautiful
Life may be wonderful
Be brave and strong
And face it - warts and all.
time to sleep! =)
♥reflected @ 1:01 AM
Sunday, July 18, 2010 ♥
i dunno if its bcos i have been staying in the lab for too long or being solo for too long, that i've become socially inept? what i mean is that i have been voicing out my opinions too freely, thinking that they really mean right and well for the listeners. only after coming home or sorts, then i realise i have been really stupid and immature. saying things that other people might not even care and not want to hear. or saying things as if i know it all.
take for example the incident at the hairdresser's. the boy (the reason i use boy is that he seems to be younger than i am..) asked me how i wanted my fringe cut, and i said, "hmm.. i don't want parting that's all". and so he replied, "oh, no parting means flat la". on hearing that, i was actually quite alarmed. at the moment i struggled if i should say or not, but eventually i did comment to him that i thought that it was not right for him to say that; just as saying that there's only black and white, and that as a hairdresser, he should be consistently looking for innovative creations and surprises etc.
and so on the way home, i thought that even though i meant my words well and i was urging them to continue upgrading themselves cos they deserve better, i have left a really bad impression of me - a bossy, irritating, kaypo? customer.
i feel sad. actually. that yesterdays events didn't go as well as hoped. not only the things that happened, the situation, but also the things that i did and said. i probably left with pple thinking of me as a bitchy person... the optimistic view would be that it is now different fr the common image that people seem to portray me as - nice, innocent and docile.
as a result, i feel like a dumbass. i feel as if i dunno wat's the real me and etc.
but i do not deny, i am very easily affected by my surroundings, and what people say of me.
i think i should stop here, cos i feel if i continue to ramble on my personal stuffs, i might go into more personal, which is bad in the cyberworld.
so transition to things i have been doing.
lab work seems to be endless. i'm getting a bit frustrated cos i can't seem to find the end.
i'm not looking forward to cors bidding and school starting.
i have read two books.
one is a nice and light-hearted one, by meg cabot : "boy meets girl".
its written in the form of journal entries, emails, im(instant messaging) messages, phone messages, receipts and such.
strong writing style and writing power. i like.
the other is by paulo coelho : "brida".
daring, philosophical and good. will be one of the books i like, out of all he has written
i have been watching two kdramas - the first one is Hometown legends (2009)
i found that i really like the stories. they are really meaningful and touching.
the second one is Bad Guy. i haven't really been watching it actually, cos i've only seen eps 10 and 11 - which means i dun even know how the characters met etc. reason being i have been struggling with deciding if i should watch a kdrama, as i keeping coming home and get totally knocked out by fatigue.
but these two eps have already caught my attention. good acting, i like. perhaps i will watch more.
me and sis watched Ip man: the legend is born, just as it was about to stop filming in theaters already.
nice. different story, different layout, better than i expected.
ok. i shall end the post here! hope it will be a good week ahead!
♥reflected @ 11:04 PM
Saturday, July 03, 2010 ♥
i realise it's been more than a month since my last post.
and so i've decided to update my blog, and the biggest driver was actually the following piece of news that made me really upset.. and, I am still upset about it.
http://www.dramabeans.com/2010/06/park-yong-ha-discovered-dead-at-home/
i was really shocked when i saw it on dramabeans. i cried for a v long time..
i have just been reading news about him and yoon eun hye going to act in a new drama, and thereby looking forward to watching it... and ..?
to know how he died.. was v shocking too.. to know how it could be due to... even more...
i have been thinking about it a lot, and feeling upset about it.. and still am ba. i just thought that.. there were really a lot more years to come for him, a bright future ahead, no matter how bad and tiring it might seem now..
天有不测之风云，人有旦夕祸福。
haiz. i can't help but keep thinking about it.. cos i still have his images in my phone.. i really liked on air and the slingshot.. he shouldn't be dead. all these came to mind as i did my work, talked to my mum, took the bus etc...
__________
actually i typed that yesterday.. but i fell asleep halfway, so i'm continuing the post today.
these days have been really tiring.. and i'm really not looking forward to august.
i was practically knocked out for almost all the weeknights after i came home, had my dinner, relaxed a bit and bathed. before i could do anything, check my emails etc, i just fell alseep. like my mechanism just decided to slow down and rest on its own. as a result, i actually got a bit angsty? or angry? nonetheless.. finally i'm awake at such a late timing.. to do stuffs.
one more week and it'll be one month for me at biopolis doing my internship.. another month later, will be the end of the internship, then i think life will be busy and crappy...
the only times i have free and am awake and active enough to do my own stuffs are sundays. and i only have 3 more? sundays to school starts, and already all 3 are booked.
this week's work was quite stressful and really draining for my brain and eyes - staring at the microscope, unblinking, turning the knob carefully, waiting for something to appear in the bright yellow circle... hours and then getting really anxious and frustrated when i still didn't manage to get anything..and then really upset and tired. and sad that i was alone and had to do this myself... i guess this internship is good in a way (i mean other than getting to know the lab, the techniques etc), as it pushes me back to solo-hood. eating lunches alone.. going out and home alone.. walking alone... thinking about things and doing stuffs alone.. i kinda like it i guess... sometimes.. it feels good to be able to just do your own things. sometimes it may become boring and tiring.. but then when i'm too comfortable alone, i'm scared that the environment there may change or sorts... etc. but then i do dread if i have to attend lectures and lessons alone, have lunches/dinners in school myself.. etc...
i realise.. i do preferential treatment to some of my students. or put in another way, i treat them all in different manners. i really like some of them, and hope they like me too. altho i always do have a line that is checked and not crossed, since i have experienced being very emotionally affected because of my lessons. at least my immunity has stepped up a bit? i guess...?
i have 8 students with me going for their O levels this yr.. and i'm still apprehensive about most of them.. today i scolded one of them again.. and still his attitude... haiz.. i was so angry that i trembled and took quite a long while to cool down. i wasn't targeting him.. but it is very worrying when there is only a few months left to the Os..
i do actually feel more relaxed and less drained while teaching the kids, than doing the work in the lab..
oh wells.
i'm glad to have done a number of things within the short holidays i had.. met up with some pple..
actually sat down and chat with my mum yesterday... and came to a conclusion that living is truly a bothersome thing.. 肚子饿要吃东西；生病了要看医生；为生活要做工；为做工要读书。 i'm getting tired hearing pple saying that 9 or probably 10 out of 10 pple are doing jobs they don't like.. i really do wish that when it's my turn, i do get to do something that i like or at least am okay about. i am realistic, as in i do know the dreams that i have are only dreams...
but yah. living is hard, complicated and troublesome. but since u have a life, even if you can't live it good, its necessary to just make best out of what you have right...?
♥reflected @ 4:02 AM
