reflections

Monday, August 16, 2010 ♥

孟子说:“故天将大任于斯人也，必先苦其心志，劳其筋骨，饿其体肤，空乏其身，行拂乱其所为，所以动心忍行，增益其所不能。人恒过，然后能改。困于心，衡于虑，而后作。征于色，发于声，而后喻。入则无法家拂士，出则无敌国外患者，国恒亡。然后知生于忧患而死于安乐也。”

那是中二，杨老师教的吧，除非我记错了。

真的希望能苦尽甘来。但希望越大，失望也就有可能会越大 - 从小就知道了这个道理。

因此会感到有些无奈和担心。其实想想人生还蛮矛盾的，一会儿说是不因该杞人忧天，但是一定要未雨绸缪；不能好高骛远，要脚踏实地却又不可得过且过；不能当一天和尚，敲一天钟，但是常常计划好的半路就会杀出个程咬金。

曾经有一段时间，我觉得仿佛看不到亮光，而因此感到伤心绝望。不仅如此，有时也会感到懊恼，做起事来更是力不从心。那段时期仿佛过了且也没有彻底地销声匿迹。有时以为是自己强壮了，原来有时是胆怯，自暴自弃和懦弱代替了伤心变成了逃避。敞开心时，又觉得其实都一样，因为真的，想做的不一定能做，所谓的逃避，其实是真的因为环境和压力下不能完成的事。

中学时期，读过很多励志故事等，什么放手会更好啦等等的。可能到了一个年纪之后，就会看得比较清楚？可能...

什么都是空的。

这就是我 - 就是会想很多有的没的，倒不如去睡觉来补充我已缺乏到不行的睡眠。

yes. that's me.

thursday, went for a run with my friends. in the end, i ran really badly, cos my mind just started to jumble up with thoughts, even though i keep trying to tell it to focus at the job at hand - which was just to put my feet forward and run.

today was spent entirely at the lab. science research uses time and energy. i still can't understand how some pple at the age of 60+ are still dedicated to their research work; as i admire their perseverance, and passion. for till now, i seem to view it as an endless journey... no matter how many aims and objectives one assigns and set out to achieve..

yesterday after work, i set off to packet food and it started to thunderstorm. got drenched in the rain again, and clambered to the lab, wet and cold. again, another late night at the lab. my prof doesn't know that my tuition work means the entire day.. meaning till the evening. but just as i told my students, judges of the competition, examiners who mark your paper - they don't care whatever your situation is or whatever valid reasons, be it sick or sorts, you will still face the same judgment. no sympathy points.

that i understand very well - but it is still very tedious and tiring.

sometimes, having a shoulder to lean on, is really good.. and a luxury it may be.

but at the same time, it may become a weakness and vulnerability.

♥reflected @ 3:30 AM

Wednesday, August 11, 2010 ♥

movies watched
mw
ip man: the legend is born
nodame cantabile
street dance
(minus those rented or watched online)

dramas watched
oh! my lady
personal taste
nodame cantabile
love shuffle
hometown legends
bad guy

books read
my rock and roll 摇滚青春
sons of fortune
some nerve
boy meets girl
brida
the strange case of the composer and his judge

activities done
via ferreta
archery
k x 4
meet out for lunch/dinner x ?
concert
sentosa
slack

so... other than work, i have actually tried my best to fill up my hols as much as i can, together with the internship and tuition work...

although i think that there are still some things i wanted to do, yet can't or haven't had a chance/time to do so...

i know there were times that i pushed myself too hard...and overworked myself.. being so greedy

anyways.

street dance was good. better than what i expected. although i was a bit taken aback by their British accent when i first heard it. I had a bit of difficulty hearing them at first, then after we got used to it, we found we sorta like it. haha. watched it last friday, squeezing with all the secondary school students who got an earlier day off due to national day celebrations.

saturday's work was quite...ok.. just that the last lesson.. i made a mistake.. of showing my emotions. haiz. after work was horrid. the most terrible shopping experience: being forced into buying a top (which is really expensive) after being tortured for 1hr until 11pm. gosh. even more sad when my frens didn't think it looked that pricey amount. sad.

sunday went out to meet some friends, and got my wish fulfilled - we visited the helix bridge and the marina sands. unfortunately there was a lot of walking.. but it was kinda fun.. cos we missed the stop to marina mrt, we ended up in shenton way and opposite lau pa sat. asked 路人甲and 乙 for directions and saw a real life orange Lamborghini Diablo. Woots..!

yesterday was national day, but didn't get to really celebrate nor sing any national song (sad), plus missed the parade telecast entirely. even so, i had a great day out with sis =) <3

today = first day of school = tiring = climb plenty of stairs = rushing here and there = short mugging in the library with nice pple = ride to schl and back to home by sis and mum <3

horror = so fast have to do sdl, hand in report etc etc etc gosh

phew = i actually 'escaped' lab today

argh = lab + lab meeting tmr

haiz = schl is starting and its going to be hectic, scary and tiring

contrary to some others who view school starting as a very joyous thing...

oh wells.

watched the last episodes (16 and 17) of Bad Guy already! (albeit those plot holes and abruptness etc) I like the show and the acting. Although i so don't like the ending, I can't not admit that i cried my hearts out and felt so angered, and that i was so totally moved. Which means, even though the ending is such a disappointment, it is still good in terms of impact.

overall i still like the show and the pple in it.

sad that Kim Nam Gil is sent off to army, just when he was at a peak of his career. Having faced plenty of ups and downs, including being in an accident that caused him to be hospitalised for 6 months; being famous then forgotten for 3 times already - it is really scary to be put away again. but like the mc in the show said, since u've been forgotten so many times before, what's another one? don't be afraid!

which reminds me, i actually watched a tamil movie before i left for the mrt to meet my friends last sunday? hahahhaa it's called London Dreams. It is actually quite good. i was.. honestly moved. Not to the extent of tearing non-stop, but brought into the story. It is true, how God (be it which) seems to play with us sometimes..

facing so many setbacks before - what's another one?

but i'm still.... afraid.

♥reflected @ 1:20 AM

Sunday, August 01, 2010 ♥

work was tiring.. but okay. only that once again, i realised i had failed to draw a proper line across; bringing in too much feelings and sharing too much with them, and caring for them too much, making their problems mine...

at those moments.. i actually felt quite worried (right after i felt good that i could share things and stuffs with them).

actually. maybe its now.. or cos i'm tired... or its closer to school starting, i feel especially

apprehensive and scared.

i was very decisive and determined one moment during the week, that i'll find something else, something that i really want or at least am more interested to do. i started sending emails... and only started to falter when i reached home, worrying about how i am going to decide my immediate future. Then.. when i got no reply, i thought its a relief cos there are no more dilemma. Headed off to really continue and start the new project. Yet just when i did so, someone comes along with an invitation. haiz.

i realised also today...

that i can learn the theory, study it and all..
but can't do it in practical.

either i really need a lot of perseverance or talent.

i want to do quite a no. of things, but it seems like always, things won't go my way. i want to learn music and art. but i'm in science and nvr got a real chance to dot that.
maybe bcos how i was brought up, or maybe i'm just not good enough..

i want to do something nice today. and not cramp up at home watching tv or stoning.

any ideas?

school is starting soon. i am so not looking forward to it.

anyways

bad guy is damn nice. but its ending nxt wk already. i think i'll miss it.

♥reflected @ 1:55 AM