Friday, May 28, 2010 ♥
本来是想用英文的，只是忽然想好久没用华文来写东西，应该练一练，反正现在我正在读一本华文书。那本书叫《摇滚青春》，顾名思义，是本关于少年青春时代和摇滚音乐的故事书。虽然我是过了青春的那个时代了，但是我想还是可以读的吧，况且书里的人物大概是介于十九和二十一岁左右，跟我差不多嘛。还没读完，因为还蛮难读的；它是旧版，所以字是竖着下来，从右边读到左，又是繁体字，所以得多花心思去读。
蛮好读的，从学生时代，讨论追求摇滚梦想和学业的问题，由一点感情来联系各个成长期，其中包括少年必定会烦恼的友情，和爱慕，当然还有亲情。
这个假期下来，已经读了两本书，进度其实还蛮慢，因为常常出门，没空坐下来读。那也好，如果天天就对着书，我这个半书呆子，会名副其实地完全变成一个不知时间变化的书呆子。忙什么呢？上个星期，约了几个人出来吃饭，后来本来要去k歌，结果却跑去射箭，然后本来一个还不错的一天，变成一个超级恐怖的一天。驾着车，被人撞了。车子撞得蛮惨的，至今，我想我还是心有余悸。本来要写的，后来又不想写在这里，结果现在过了一个星期，想想写也没关系了，想告诉的人也知道了，剩下的，有心的话，自然会知道，也不需要我来说。
这个星期，除了做一个又看电视、又看电脑、又读书的黑圆圈熊猫之外，又约了人吃饭，也有运动。 结果本来还没好的背，又给我搞得更痛了，还加上肩膀跟手。嗨呀！
另外两本书都是英文的，一个是朋友借的，让我一定读看，因为我对那本书的作家有一份对他不公平的反感。Jeffrey Archer 的 《Sons of Fortune》。很厚的一本书，超赞！读了很久，但的确，扣人心弦。关于两个自幼被人和命运分开的双胞胎兄弟，故事写的真的很不错，跟朋友谈起，结果又借了多两本他的书回来。
另外一本是比较轻松的。以前也读过这位作家写的其他书，Jane Heller 的《Some Nerve》。蛮平凡的，读过很多相似的故事，难免会有一些枯燥。选择放这一版面，因为我借到的那本的版面怪怪的，有一些莫名其妙。
至于看了哪部戏呢，除了跟妹到戏院看了叶问二，我就在网上看了一些韩戏，台湾戏和日本的。
叶问二，不错吧，没有超赞，虽然我妈是说比上一个好，我没这么认为。比较没新意，打的场面真的还是很好，但是难免会想起霍元甲，那就不太好。
看了两篇韩国连续剧，都是跳跳看，没有连贯地把他们看完整。
Oh My Lady!
前面跟后面都没看，只看了中间一些部分，欣赏Chae Rim 的演技，Si Won的朝气。可是后来，自个儿闷掉了，所以结果没要把它好好看完，只是在dramabeans上大概读了结局。
My Personal Taste
开始的时候，蛮兴趣的，前面蛮感动。可惜后来不知怎么的，似乎也看不下去，突然觉得他们的情情爱爱怎么这么闲。大概是因为半途杀出了程咬金 -
Nodame Cantabile
改编自一本漫画，关于古典音乐。是好久以前的，2006年，但也是今年有一位朋友介绍给我的。很特别吧，因为有日本戏的特点，就是风趣和搞笑，却又带着感人和罗曼蒂克的呈现方式。男女主角非常吸引人，其他配角演得也非常到位。跟韩国的Beethoven Virus,非常不同。Beethoven Virus激发给人的感触非常强烈，Nodame Cantabile则非常轻快。两个都很喜欢，从两者中得到的感想也不同，以后有机会和时间的话可能会写一些吧。
可惜的是，我错过了Nodame Cantabile的两部电影版本。网上也找不到 T.T
前天吧，刚刚看完Nodame Cantabile，因此就会上网查看关于它的一些资料。后来也就认识了接下来我会看的这篇连续剧 -
Love Shuffle
又是一个很特别的故事。看了三集了，超赞！加上精湛的演技，真的扣人心弦。
除了这些娱乐之外，有些时候，有想想真正面对的一些事。
很担心。很烦恼。有在逃避。但其中之一的原因，是真的不知所措，何去何从。
答案下个礼拜会揭晓把。
我们的世界可能会改变。
也可能只有我们会在乎，因为，这就只是我们的人生。
明天，我的两位朋友要出远门了，大概有半个月到一个月的时间才会回来。
有羡慕过，嫉妒过。
有一天，我们也有可能的吧。
希望我们的未来不是一片黑暗。
车子的事，也搞得我很焦虑。至少现在事成有一半吧。嗨。
♥reflected @ 12:55 PM
Thursday, May 20, 2010 ♥
i am so tired.
but at least (i hope) now. that cos i know it really is their fault, and that i should and will not feel guilty anymore for blaming them. Yes, i do feel sad. That i'll blame them and that I worry i might tell my children (if i do have any) that i blame them.
i am so tired. to have spent more than 1 hr listening to the entire argument; to be there..
i am so glad actually, now that i do know some stuffs and can understand a bit more about my bro. and that he was there to do his part.
i am so tired still. to have to realize that today (or yesterday) is to turn out bad.
to have to come home to this.
to be thrown into such a world.
to be packed with these burdens and confusions, these doubts and contradictions.
i was sad.
to have and to know no one will truly understand and stand by me.
i am glad and relieved.
to have my sister with me.
at least.
they taught me.
not to trust anyone.
not to be too easy with money.
not to believe in love.
although i truly wish, that i had the true chances to do the things that i really wanted to do, that i had the courage and perseverance to pursue things i wanted.
i know that in the very near future, there may be things i have to give up even before i consider if i really want or not. and i know that i will unfortunately, continue to blame them for it. even if in the end it could still be considered my decision, cos it will be one affected by them.
i will still try to become stronger and have more confidence and pride that i can live thr this however bad it is..
even tho.. i do know that many things can be a facade, and i can appear to be another way. even tho i may feel sad at times that i am this way. but i feel that it is for the better, as there will be no one who wants to see a glum me every day (since i was once like that) and there will also be no one who will truly understand.
i wish i could have used this post for the happier things that happen today.. but the bad is so big that it always tends to overwhelm the little joys i may have.
♥reflected @ 12:43 AM
Wednesday, May 12, 2010 ♥
hmm.
yikes!!!!!!
yr 3 sem 2 is over. OMG. WTH. When did that happen? goodness. damn. it just FLEW. time just zoomed past, yet again.
haiz.
i rmbr my fren was still asking me in march if we would want to attend the life science graduation dinner, and now it's already over last sunday.
i rmbr going through that sem feeling stressed many times, feeling upset and worried and frustrated and vexed and all.. and now the sem's over.. only to wait for the results to be announced.. which is also not too far away.. which is very.. scary.
i realise my language really sucks sometimes.
i really need to learn this more = 出污泥而不染 i get influenced damn easily, in terms of speech and music.
i need to read more books. i shall visit the library some day and borrow more books. But then this makes me unhealthy, cos its bad for my eyes and i'll lack exercise and stuffs etc. But then i should really improve my language since i'm teaching english tuition.
talking about that.. my work gets me really frustrated sometimes. because of myself, cos of the students, cos of my boss.. i've considered quitting before, but then it really doesn't help when pple come to my ear and tell me that hey you do need this job and $, yet at the same time can tell me go go quit quit!
i can't help but have these feelings of unhappiness and dislike and frustration and burdened when i want to blame them for everything we're all in today.
i dun want to feel them as a baggage to me, but they are.. and unfortunately, they were the ones who made me think that i was a baggage to them first.
i feel sad if i do have any characterisics, be it physically or personality wise, from them.
i really dun want to always feel irritated and yet guilty that i'm feeling so.. which kinda just really purely sux like hell.
let me stop at this unhappy stuffs and go to more cheerful news!
1st- life science dnd, in my opinion, was great!
2nd- i managed to put new music widget into my blog!
3rd- i am going to go sleep soon cos i'm really tired... and starting to doze already!
♥reflected @ 2:09 AM
Sunday, May 02, 2010 ♥
actually i had wanted to go and study immediately after i came home and bathe.. in the end.. haiz.
i've been slacking quite a lot i think. after mugging in schl, when i reach home and bathe, i'll be slacking at the comp, watching stuffs, play bejeweled etc.
haiz.
it sux. cos i dun really want me to be like that.
and i also sleep v late.
and as a result, wake up v late also.
i rmbr i used to wake up much earlier in previous sems. chams.
plus now... nobody wakes us up. which is kinda sad. and when my phone alarm rings, either I don't hear it, or my hand reaches for it and turn off the 3 alarms i set. and then when i wake up finally, i have to wake my sis up, yet she doesn't like me to wake her up, even tho its already damn late.
actually. i'm quite vexed why i am this way.
why i'm not like my bro or other pple whom i know, who sleep earlier, wakes up earlier, start studying earlier, and also study more. instead of what i'm doing. sleep late, wake up late, mug and slack at the same time. mug and fall asleep as i mug. mug and feel stressed why i mug so slow. mug and worry if i can finish mugging. mug and worry if sis can finish her mugging.
i suck. like shit.
T.T
人定胜天?天定胜人? It's like asking which comes first, the egg or the chicken? narrative finals, there was one question i wrote - "Write an essay on chance and fate". That got me thinking... I wrote that chance gives the opportunity for us to do things, but the results of those actions are up to fate. Then I argued that chance is controlled by fate too, cos it's probably in fate or in destiny that you'll get that chance and whatever happens is going to be fate also. That brings me to my discussion with my mum earlier tonight when i reached home.
I asked her if there was such thing - 命中注定. Is there such thing? I told myself i believe in fate. That I can only try my best and do watever I can at current. But then these days of studying got me a bit vexed about it. If it's fated is there any more point to try to mug very hard and still get stumped by fate? But that fate may change by your actions? But then again, is that fate then, that makes you change your actions? I once thought of this situation - if everything a person do/think is fated, can he try to twist it, by doing the opposite of what he thought of doing immediately?
Its... kinda silly... kinda vexing... kinda pointless also. Something like I thought a thought about the thought i thought ....
i'm kinda worried and sad and scared at the same time. about what would happen. I dun dare to face it when the time comes.
I know I should not think about it and just concentrate and studying for the remaining two exams only and try to do our best.
I always tell myself as long as I try my best, whatever is the turnout it will be. But.. i dunno what when where is my bestest best.
Can't always blame this and that, who and what, for the kind of situation we lie in. But at the same time, I dun want to keep scolding myself too.
haiz.
i should just. ya. concentrate on studying now.
i worry too much sometimes. so much so that i become scared. of losing things that i probably haven't gotten. and when i feel that happening, i know that i've started to develop a kind of dependency on tt thing, i feel that it's time i build a wall or a shield and stay away so that if i do lose it i won't feel as hurt. esp becos there is this word - uncertainty.
bcos of uncertainty.
which could be also a result of lacking trust or faith.
but if things can just change suddenly, the faith can't be very strong.
who really knows what is the future that lies ahead? no one. i believe...
of course, i would like to depend on smeone else and be lazy and let someone care for me, who would not? but firstly, there is none. secondly its not right to develop a dependency either ways cos it'll make you weak and tt's not good.
i do envy some of those girls sometimes. but if you can't be like them, then i guess, you really do need a nice proper armour for yourself to fend for yourself.
time to go back to mugging.. damn right. so late already. wth.
♥reflected @ 2:45 AM
