reflections

Sunday, December 30, 2007 ♥

hmm

1 more day left to 2008.

argh. which is bad news.

cos work will be starting very soon. before that bidding. then balloting. then lectures and tutorials. and also labs and reports. then tests and exams. very soon. omg.

haiz.

and the tv and pple outside are already starting to talk about chinese new year.

and guess wat. yesterday i went to run. 7 rounds. was very glad that i could still run. and then after that still played basketball with sis.
something that happen was that i actually.

forgot my age.

i thought i was one year younger than wat i am actually am. time just flies too fast for me to catch.

these days have had a lot of troubles and worries over uni. solved some but more still on the way.

on wednesday, went all the way to bukit merah, redhill e centre, to send the camera for repair. and shux i have to go back again probably 2 wks later to collect which is really sucky cos its really damn far away damn waste time and travel fees, and i could have not required to go back again if it wasn't for some fat woman who stepped in ka chiao and prevented the guy at the counter to help me. rarh.

on thursday, again went all the way to near bukit merah, but not so far; queensway. cos terence wanted to shop. the clothes there are all not bad but mostly guys, shoes got a lot too, esp sports stuffs. saw a shoe tt i liked, but in e end also nvr buy..wat else. oh ya. the place is small and kinda messy- as in u can keep walking straight, but its actually kinda like a circle and u will see shops until they repeat eh kinda..

on friday went to bugis. bought a new bag, cos sis wants the puma bag that i bought (altho i also still want it, but of course we can share...haha); sis bought a pair of shoes. bugis street is really a busy and crowded, and things there are really in trend kind.. but can't stop and buy stuffs. bugis junction.. didn't get to go around, only went seiyu so that mum can look for more clothes, but still she didn't buy anythin. then pple from home called to ka chiao, but luckily no need to rush home just yet. we set off the jp. finally mum was able to see smth she liked and bought, altho only just one skirt. then cabbed home. but i was already damn tired. and headache.

after bathing and popped a pill, decided not to use the comp, cos no idea wat to watch on youtube/crunchyroll anymore, so let my sis use.. watched last epi of ai qing mo fa shi on tv. thursday night, got to watch movie-love actually. was quite good. touching, sad and sweet. i cried a lot after tt, cos i was also feeling very upset tt night. but dun think love actually is a movie that i can watch another time, not like those i rented which i watched all at least twice cos they were really good.

today practised my guitar and singing.

going to watch more tv... and start reading a book i borrowed. better treasure these times which will disappear very quickly.

today. this post. shall have less reflections.. cos i'm not planning to over think too much today, think about life and the things and people of the future and the past. i'm just going to enjoy today cos bidding will start very soon....rarh.

nxt sunday have og bbq, but no idea if will be going, cos work starts nxt week, and with new boss..dunno wat will happen.

yup. think i shall end here. and go watch tv. hahaahaa

lol.

♥reflected @ 1:30 PM

Monday, December 24, 2007 ♥

12.54am. Monday, Christmas eve.
but i shall take this as yesterday. yup. cos i haven't slept yet. so its still today. yup.

today met up with 4/3 from nan hua. according to louis and siyuan 28 people turned up. which is a lot. wow. yup. jus dunno if more came after i left.

i was glad that i was late. very actually. cos even tho i was late, so i had less time to talk to them until the final decision to go up to eat, i already felt strange and worried when i ran out of stuffs to say.

actually.

today. okay before i narrate my feelings, i shld narrate wat happened first.

so we went to eat. a whole lot of us. spent quite a bit on lousy food already..then after tt. walked out to decide wat to do. took pictures. then they decide to go ktv. which i decided not to go along, cos i realised i dun want to end up with little to no money for the day.. and i already felt a bit lost alr. which comes to my feelings. yup.

after tt i went to find my mum and sis at chinatown.

and i keep feeling.
kinda sad. and bitter.

that. i was facing difficulties trying to communicate again and trust myself. that i dun really know anybody really well.that i am explaining that using the events that happen tt year.

i worry a lot. at times. but push away a lot too at times.

somethings seem like cannot be changed.
some things. that i will keep feeling bitter about. some things that my sis and mum will also keep feeling bitter about, yet dun want to voice it out, and when we do, we get really sad and bitter. but when we try to hide it away, we or maybe just i seem to get further away fr each other.

i'm glad to see almost all of 4/3 today.
it was a lot of people. and amazing. how we all came.
too bad i couldnt stay throut.
but how would have i felt if i did?
already not too long after i already have felt the loneliness the feeling of lost..
how long would i have lasted? pretending tt these feelings are just temporal or just my oversensitivity? or try to hide them away? probably i wld have ended even more sad than i now am.

i'm sorry. i keep feeling sorry. all throughout my years of schl to uni. i feel that i have lost so much. frenship frm ard me. maybe they still are. just further away and hard to feel. or just not close.

but things are just like wat it seems to be. unpredictable.

i can't believe 2007 has passed this way.

but it has.

anyway. heres some pictures.

3o3o3 20sept2003 at esplanade.

and 4o3o4 23dec2007 at orchard.

all of us have changed, yet nothing seems to have changed.

this week was busy again.

monday met up together with sis, with sab, tania and gabriel for lunch at sumo jap food, didn't take photos..haiz. then sab left. and we headed to jurong east to ice skate.
we skated for v long.
it felt kinda strange actually. ice skating. it felt v..
cos. it seemed v similar to myself rollerblading below my block alone the day before.

someone fell down. and had a cut on his face. it was terrible.

i think. i'm not going to ice skate for a very long time. not becos of the guy who fell down, but bcos it felt like rollerblading myself alone.

after tt we went to take neoprints. which was quite fun, and the stickers were really quite gd.

glad tt we eventually had this outing. it was a great experience.

tuesday started to have aches all over due to ice skate and falling down. but still went all the way down to ps to meet og members with my sis. which was disappointing cos we simply wasted a lot of time waiting for them to eat.. and after they finished eating sis decided to leave, and i decided to agree. on the train. we had a nonsense quarrel. and i really did realise it was my own fault.

on wednesday. went to get new phones. finally. mine's samsung. and sis's sony ericsson. wasted entire afternoon waiting at the shop. then went ard the mall, then ate dinner.

on thursday, finally got to stay home. but also can't rembered wat i did.

on friday, went to imm, cos i idiotly spoilt the camera. and ended up the fella said we had to go to redhill which is damn far, and i havent figured out wat to do nxt, but i plan to face the responsibility since i spoilt it. went ard imm trying to look for a pair of shoes, which annoyed mum and sis, cos i can't seem to like any. then came back jurong. was kinda forced to buy a pair of sandals cos of the bad salesperson's attitude.. but nvm. still likeable and wearable. i do like it.but not really wat i intended to buy..

on saturday, no unbeatables to watch.. sianed. went out to play bball with sis, even tho i originally didn't want to.. rented another show again..

yup. so today.

over the hols. have watched a number of good movies. spiderman 3 was really awesome. ratatouille was really cute and sweet. eye in the sky was really touching and exciting and unnerving. all the above i watched them twice. today watched confession of pain, shang chen. which was woa. good. i already wanted to watch it a long time ago, but some1 said it wasn't gd, so never. but mum said she heard it was gd, so rented it ytd, and watched it. which i thought was gd. the storyline was splendid. the filming and the actors. gd. sorta reminded me of jay chou's ye de di qi zhang mv. chim.

borrowed books to read.. but haven't really started on any. nvr had the mood to. haiz.

i worried. about uni.
as all i always am.

about life. about family. about work.

have been watching huang jin yi the serial. its quite gd.
hmm.

i think i shall end here.

i think..

i shall change my blogskin one day.

btw,
merry christmas.

i really hope this christmas can be happy.

i also hope nxt yr can be happy.

i hope. for courage. for the entire family. incl myself.
courage.

so tt we can face all.

and hang on.

i really do love them.

even tho i dun really show it.

omg.

i feel like.

crying.

♥reflected @ 12:18 AM

Saturday, December 15, 2007 ♥

i'm always waiting.

and my patience is totally drying up, dying.

rarh.

this week has really been stressful. i'm still feeling so now. i dunno why. i keep feeling agitated, frustrated and impatient. i get irritated by every person.

it's just that i've been waiting and waiting and waiting. and i feel so impatient and stuffs.

and like.

everyone keep asking me for solutions to questions. that are so. repetitive? cos i have said so already? like. u keep repeating the same things when u feel upset, then get over then repeat again. i mean really. why can't u settle it once and for all? do smth? make some changes? even if like there can't be real changes to the things, at least change ur mind set la. like stop being so stubborn, stop thinking how others are better than you, how your life sucks, how you regret the choices, how you regret and wish everything can change etc.

these apply to like everybody? firstly to my sis. who always makes me worried, frustrated, anxious, irritated, cos she keep reminding of my students, she keep reminding me of how much dependence there is and stuff and stuff. wheres the confidence? even if u dun have confidence, have confidence in me? secondly to my dad. who makes me so want to give up, who made me lose my confidence in thinking that i could do smth, make some actions work. whom i just hope will get well and be independent. to my mum who is always unhappy cos tho i really understand how much she is burdened, i wish if she cldn't do smth tt will solve the prblem fully, at least changed her mindset and really eat.

everybody is living in their own bubble.

so am i, i realised.

climb out of it, burst it. please.

i'm hating myself already.

how i seem so sure of myself at times, how i falter at times, how i hate being strong yet weak. how rude i was these days cos of my impatience and edginess etc.

i think i just need smth that can really take me off all these probs. even if temporal. like a job. like read.

yup. i shld read.

and soon really set off to do sme all the stuffs that mum has been nagging at me to do. which is i do noe, really for my own gd and sis.

DO YOU KNOW? i am so worried. i am so worried for you, sis? we've finished our exams, but do u know that i am so worried for the results?

my new bosses.

have been giving me quite some trouble. reason why i say have been giving, is that i'm continuously stressed abt it too. like in future i'd be even more stressed.

the job starts in jan tho.

i hope the changes are gd. i hope if they aren't, i'll have enough bravery to tackle them.

i hate myself staying up late and waking up late.

yesterday or rather the day before, which is thursday, mum bought me a new watch and a wallet. altho i paid her back cash alr..
i'm sorry i was rude to her.
cos of my impatience. and my unhappiness.

agitated at her and sis.

being so jumpy..

cos i was feeling so tired and sick, and having a headache.

but they aren't accuses for my bad behaviour.

these wk bought more clothes.

really regret buying some tho. totally regret. but haiz.

i am just so.

tired or everything.

i guess.

i need to.... read.
but tt sux later. cos i'll be running away. but then it seems gd at some times too.

i miss some people.

who once helped me. but who has left me to my own already.

i've let go, i noe. i have stopped living in the past; only occassionally i'll think.

i guess. these bad feelings will pass.

i will walk them through eventually.

even if alone.

cos.

i think i have done that before.

♥reflected @ 1:53 AM

Sunday, December 09, 2007 ♥

its more than one week into december already.

for this week.. hmm.

yup as i mentioned.. went to shop a bit, bought 4 tops. now lack bottoms.

yesterday went out to meet tania, joei and wacky at city hall, chat walk and eat ice cream.

other than that, was kinda stuck at home cos it was thunderstorming. and my sis wanted to play basketball and she couldn't and she got really pissed. and my mum and dad got pissed at each other yet again and in the end me and sis just went hideout at the void deck cos we cldn't go anywhere in the heavy rain.
wat else. oh yeah. i rewatched frogprince again, and wonder how amazing it is that i can keep rewatching it 6 times, 7 times and dunno how many times, i still laugh and feel touched haha. ming dao and qiao en are really good actors. esp ming dao. hahaa. shuai shuai shuai. ying ye 3 jia 1 is good too, but not as good i think.. frog prince is still my fav, even after watching so many taiwan idol dramas, and korean dramas. mingdao is still my fav guy even though there are wu zun, daniel henney etc and this cute guy i haven't found out his name yet from korean show witch you hee, in which he's called johnny. ah. HAHAHAH.

wat else.

yesh. my wood craft. haha. half of it my sis present to me. but i made it! haha
yeah!

yup. pictures.

the given image:

The wooden pieces still attached.

The instructions page:

With the pieces removed.

The final product!

=)

next! pictures from the mini gathering yesterday.

cool rite!

hah. ks. oh btw. wacky if u want the other 'wacky' pictures, msn me i'll send u k.

watch tv now. unbeatables I. nice haha. and i'm watching coffee prince at the same time too.

Oooo... zzzzZZZ.. feeling so tired.

yesterday watched coffee prince and jin ma jiang at the same time until very late.. and walked a lot.. and

haiz.

worried. i hope my job doesn't give more problems... and hopefully i still have the job even.

♥reflected @ 2:58 PM

Wednesday, December 05, 2007 ♥

exams are over!

=)

yep. happy. relaxed.

but not too happy. not tt kind of estatic.
cos.

there is going to be quite a number of things to do ba.

and not long later, it would be 2008, not long later, we will have to bid for modules again, ballot again.

sians.

this short holiday, besides wanting to meet a number of pple, thought of working, finding a temporary one month admin job or sorts.

but thought i would be too tired ba... dunno. i've worked so hard this year. but. dunno wat will happen ba. maybe i would still find a job soon, see how the hols go.. cos the current job now..has some changes, not some, almost completely. from an experienced to wat pple considered a newbie. sians. isn't nice, but wat to do? bcos of money, will continue ba. if really cannot withstand, will then probably quit ba, but if that really happen, should be very frustrated ba. bi jing, school fees, transport fees, food, own necessities all zhi ji kang xia le.

so.. started to relax a lot le. end of exams, didn't celebrate specially or lavishly, jus me and sis treated ourselves to sushi, then set off to buy some necessities.

know that i have been studying really hard. very hard. glad that i have managed to do so, even though there were occasional times that i would slack, read magazines, watch tv, read books,msn.. and even read almost 1/2 a book on the day before stats yesterday..(i even already borrowed a number of books prepared to read after my exams) but the times when i really sit down properly and stop slacking, i really did study very hard. so. yup.

i hope our results are all good.

missed reading.. but dunno if will read a lot ba. there are things to be done. shop for nxt yr, pack my materials and stuffs, go out, etc. but must find chance to exercise ba.

cos of studies, didn't have time to exercise. so think. grow fat le! eeks. hah. besides that, still want to practise guitar. monday bought a wooden diy guit and piano set, haven't started yet! =) soon! then i'll post the images of the finished product. haha. and really want to ba guitar da de hen hao. want to improve my '3 leg cat' skills. haha.

ks.. shall end here le.

later have to go out, travel quite a distance ba. will be tired.

hmm.

will try to keep happy ba.

♥reflected @ 9:52 AM