Monday, January 28, 2013 ♥
Yesterday ended with worries in my mind.. and so I woke up with the same worries as I had the day before...
I hope I'm doing the 'you're thinking too much and the problem doesn't even exist' thing. But then perhaps... if I want to avoid carrying these burdens, I shld probably avoid them.. stay a good distance. At the end of the day, I really do need to keep my distance a bit, i guess - to protect myself.
Sighs.
A bit sad, cos it's not about me not trusting them or anything.. it's just.. they probably don't know that to me, it's like sharing a part of me, a part of my life to them.. and eventually it is still my problem. Cos... I'm not able to let go..
Once I heard this saying - "Imagine trying to hold water in your hand - the tighter you grasp, the less you'll have".
Indeed, because of my inability to see the nothingness in everything, but see too much in the everything - i fail to be able to let go and see things in emptiness.
And yes, I have high expectations. At least, I am consistently trying not to give others hell when I feel that they don't reach them.. and trying not to give myself hell either when I myself can't reach those expectations.
Nevertheless, I will try to keep a good balance - neither too near nor too far, neither too slack nor too tight.
Sometimes I do wonder why I use so much brain power to live.. haha. actually I don't and haven't really been. Instead, I have been trying to keep myself up at work, and the courses that I am taking.. trying to keep my energy level.. And cos really, it just simply happened - my brain suddenly listened to my heart and I just.. suddenly heard myself answering so clearly - what I wanted to do at that moment. And it was not a spur of the moment, it was more like a sudden bright light kinda. hahaa.. I hope that comes more often and I am more sure as I grow up..
Yep, so recently I have been really kinda tired, drained with work and training. Especially this week, my arm was a bit overused and strained.. it was really kinda painful. Hope that all these pain is worthwhile! Tomorrow is the last lesson of this series, cum showcase week. I have sorta come up with something, my sis has even sat down with me to discuss about it. I hope tmr I can do it well =)
I need to get myself more sleep and rest tho, no longer that young anymore, should really take care of my health! There was a few incidents this week I was so tired, I couldn't much focus on the echo and was struggling very much to keep awake, yet I was already running on auto mode. Bad! Hopefully my body gets stronger and fitter to take all that training and I can be more energetic and less tired. Furthermore I can really feel the effects as well. Just another cup of coffee I will have diarrhea.. twice I had that - so no choice I really have to get myself more sleep starting tmr perhaps, cos can't rely on coffee anymore.
Need to get back to my routine as well, have been missing my running =X.
Other than that, I think I need to get back to my books as well. No way I should let myself become complacent just because I passed my competency test. There are more things I haven't finished reading - Need to keep myself more read. Other than books for my job, friends have lent and some given me some other books which I have yet to sit down and finish.
When I am able to cope with all these, I still want to think about what other courses, if I still want to take...and such. One thing is, I know that I have to keep myself in check. One reason why I have been extra tired at work, was that there's hell lot of negativity around me and in me at times during work, and that totally affects how the entire work feels like to me. And what I have been doing, is to avoid drowning myself in work, by finding other stuffs to occupy my other time so that I do not live with the negativity even after work. But that makes it draining too. So i gotta rethink about, especially when work takes up so much time of my life already, and I can't possibly not do the work I am doing, definitely at least not within one more year cos I'm already tied, - perhaps the thing I can work on, is to monitor and better my attitude and perception of the things at work. Probably I can deal with those negativity more positively, or even change it. So! That will be smth to work on.
Yeah =)
Anyways, watched a movie with sis this week , "The Impossible". It was..... very real...
One thing I learnt was that it is really important to treasure what you have at every moment... smth not so easy nowadays, esp with the fast pace and everything, a lot of pple treat everything and everybody for granted. Sighs.
Alrighto! Very late liao! Must go sleep now! All the best for tomorrow and the week ahead! =)
Namaste~
♥reflected @ 2:03 AM
