Wednesday, November 07, 2012 ♥
Choice.
Is my dilemma.
Lack of confidence.
Is my problem.
Faith.
Should be my solution.
Yet.
Doubt.
Is my distraction.
All in all, yes it's kinda true.. i live in a vicious cycle, called - me.
How funny it seems.. that i am constantly living in my own confusion. It is how my life seems to be.. I am in search of myself, and realise.. sometimes, myself is what i choose to be.. yet what i choose to be, seems to be dependent on what i want to be.. yet what i want to be.. depends on what i'd like to be.. and i guess that's where the unsurety comes in.. do i feel happy the way i am?
at least, a small improvement made... at least.. it is less of how i want others to view me, or how others affect me..
that's why a strong sense of faith is important to keep one going the direction he or she is heading. that's why sometimes religious pple tend to have a clear vision and mission or sense of life kinda.. i think?
the reason why i thought of this is, today my bubble got poked a bit. saw pple from my workplace leaving together.. probably going out together.. pple clique-ing together, eat and chat together...
I'm not an outgoing person to begin with (do I want to be outgoing?), i guess i'm kinda used to not being one outgoing person...and lately.. i have gotten quite used to, and comfortable in my little bubble.
of course, one cannot always just live in their own little bubble, cos living in society and in the world, you sorta need to participate in the working of the world, and need to venture out and talk to pple. unfortunately, i'm not tactful with words nor am i easy with words.. as a result, before i can catch myself, i tend to say the wrong things in the wrong manner... in the end, pple sorta misunderstand me, and i tend to decide to draw back to my little bubble so that i can prevent myself from saying wrong things again.
i guess, i have a lot to learn.
the art of living, the art of working, and the art of speaking in different situations.
i guess, i am still new to the working world.. still new to the adulthood, when i haven't really gotten to live my teenage hood or youth well..
that's why, i've been trying to find stuffs i want to try out and do, and dun let time pass away like that, yet i haven't really been very proactive either.
i keep saying that i want to work hard, study hard and do my part better, yet i always end up.. resting, or rather slacking. haha.
i think that's also probably part of the reason why, i have this kinda 'generation gap' or sorts.. with everyone. i think probably in others' eyes, it's probably like i've built a wall around me and i'm kinda living within in a fortress kinda... but in fact, i'm just trying hard to do my own stuffs well.
i was pretty upset last week.. esp last friday, when all the confusion, coupled with people at work.. i sorta felt very frustrated. mostly cos i lack confidence in me and my decisions.
hopefully one day, i'll be okay, and kinda find my path.. and then my life would be larger than just yoga and work. hopefully more things of the world, no longer just 'i'. and then, even the tone and content of my blog may change a little.
i think for now... i can only try and see how.
ganbatte!
♥reflected @ 12:26 AM
