Saturday, October 27, 2012 ♥
Sighs! no yoga lesson today! and i didn't know.. cos i didn't register for the course until today.. and so i was already at the door of the studio, waiting with another girl, wondering why all the rest are late... until i watsapped ppl and realised that there isn't class today. sighs. the people there are kinda messed up and confused on their own. the dates of starting etc are all wrong, and they are the least bothered. sighs. people nowadays.. almost everywhere i go, i see people working half-heartedly, which makes me miss that nice bus driver who greeted each and every passenger who boarded and alighted the bus 'good morning', and 'good bye'. either everyone's really tired with their work, or they belong to some other generation different from mine. luckily the guy still said sorry to me for messing things up.. at least the image wasn't all shattered and too bad.
and so i did some yoga on my own at home, cos i really needed it.. my mind was a bit too cluttered, with pple from work, with my own issues, mostly wondering how to deal with some people.. which was kinda ridiculous.. cos i was simply clouding my mind with my own thinking. haha. and so i really needed to do some yoga, and to help myself, cos my mind was really busy, i turned on some soothing music and did some poses and stuffs.
unfortunately, i bruised myself quite badly though doing the bow pose as shown below, on the left side of my pelvic bone - its quite a huge bump, and it's now all purple and ugly. sighs. haha. imagine in future i go for the tougher training! even more ugly bruises! haha..
however, i was sorta relieved after a while of grumbling, that there wasn't yoga, cos i was in sorta turmoil wondering whether I should ask certain things, whether I should say certain things.. so in a way, fate has advised me to lie low and rest.
so yep.
i do have some thinking to do. at first, i was quite reluctant and resistant, cos i didn't want to use my brain juice on thinking how i should react to certain things, thinking how i should reply to certain people. it's as if here someone is interrupting my nice little bubble, and breaking into my comfy rhythm. dislike that. but my sis kept reminding me that i should always rmbr to take things in a more positive manner. indeed, i have to keep reminding myself that in whatever kind of situation, no matter what circumstances, i have to have an open mind. draw myself back down to earth, calm myself to still waters, be quiet, so that i can hear, so that i can think clearly and do things properly, what a better version of me will do.
"Live like a lotus;
It lives in water,
But the water touches it not."
To be able to see more things clearly, it is always better to be the observer. (旁观者清) so i have to rmbr how to rotate myself and become the observer.
will be taking up more lessons, including skating -intermediate, hopefully i get to learn more things and become better at it. actually, quite a good sum of my salary is spent on taking lessons.. sighs.. but they are things i like to do, so i hope in a way, i am learning to live my own life.
work has been getting on okay, just that sighs, i seem to be separated with my shifu already. sians. i wish i have my shifu with me, so that things are easier, i can just do my job, she'll help me check, and then i don't have to communicate with other people. sighs.
haiz.
during the week, i discovered certain things, supposed to be normal cos it's the nature of things at work, yet i was still kinda surprised. the first was that a small issue (needless to say, involving me) was blown up and almost everyone knew about it, when for me, it was a very meaningless and minute issue. i was a little annoyed when i heard about it being unnecessarily talked about, and blown up. people actually could put themselves together and gossip about it. sighs.
the second thing was that, indeed there can be a lot of injustice around. it will be cliche if i say the world is always unfair.. but nevertheless, to hear about it, see it and experience it, it's like getting the truth hit your face kinda. that's why i realised, it's probably another reason why subconciously, i chose to do a lot of my things on my own, and not expect others to help anymore.
which is, another reason why (or even more reason why), I really need to be careful about what i do and what i say.
extra careful. now.
sighs.
i think i will more or less concentrate on my own work, and try to kinda hide from everyone now. heheees.
gees.
i'm kinda worried. cos i'm put to do portable one session next week. on my own somemore. god. NOOOOOO!!!! There is no way i can do that! I am not ready to be independent, i haven't done the test, noooo........... (x.x)
Sighs. which makes me kinda sians too. like... i want to do my job well, strive for the best in all i can do... but i also dun want to be deemed as good either... what a conflict i am.
like my sis says - i am a 1+1 = 1+1, never 2. lol. that's why it's so hard to find a balance, she was trying to tell me yesterday.
i need a break mans. a break from my work, a break from all people!
how i wish i can go do some travel yoga.. like in bali, or some nice place with beautiful scenery and relaxing atmosphere...
i really love my little bubble and inner peace. =)
okies, i am going to slack a little more, then go study, and then run in the evening and do a bit of planning. woots.
i can still live in my bubble, i realise. as long as i want to, i can always choose to =) no one can disrupt me. =)
♥reflected @ 11:30 PM
