Monday, August 06, 2012 ♥
I guess.. I am really still trying to learn..
to learn a lot of things.. to learn how to grow up, how to be mature.. how to face things steadily.. how not to react that big..
how to get over the heart-wrenching feelings i get whenever i get upset..
i know i'm making it hard for myself cos i'm kinda fighting myself sometimes.. like brain vs. heart.. somehow many times my heart seems to take control more..
how to not let my gut down and become the nonsense kid i can be... the childish vs. the stern act pro me.. i guess part of the reason why i can seem to have a lot of personalities at certain times.. is cause i let the events around me.. to affect my emotions and hence affect me and how i may react.. and present myself.
and of course.. i have to learn my job well.
i know that there are many times i simply just stress myself, beating myself over the things i don't do well... yet i still kinda procrastinate.. and don't really do much about it.. kinda like 纸上谈兵.. i hope it's more of 心有余而力不足, rather than lip service.. i know my life is kinda screwed up in a way.. cos every day i come home after work.. i just.. sleep. the next day.. work, come home and sleep. on weekends.. i just slack them out.. saturday is allocated to yoga and slack.. and sunday.. just slack. i only managed a bit of studying last week.. today was.. just slacking.. watching dvds, went out to eat dinner with my mum and back home.. slack somemore.
sighs.
i really have to organize myself better.. and sorta find back my balance in life.
and there are things i should really put down.. as in really put down. cos if i really want to let them go.. i really should. if i dun want to be affected by certain things or certain people anymore.. i should really learn to accept them as that way.. and then let them go.. and just concentrate on doing my own job well. when i say i want to forgive them for the way they treat me.. i should really let go and forget about them.
yoga.. has been quite tiring recently..i think cos i started gyming on friday nights.. and i had to work on these two saturdays, my energy level is taxed a bit.. plus last week i had diarrhoea and stomach cramps from my stress at work.. and this week i had diarrhoea from all the spicy foods i ate.. yep.. i was kinda 'physically challenged' with my gyming+work+yoga.. all that with my emotional instability.. PLUS the physical pains i get from my work... yep yoga has been quite tough for me recently - pain and discomfort and struggle whether to give up or keep pushing.. deciding whether i should listen to my body or listen to my brain.. haha sighs..
maybe it's time i start doing restorative yoga..
i have started to notice how my body is reacting to the work hazards i have at work.. i come home and wake up with backaches, arm and wrist pains, and stiff shoulders.. cracking joints...
and yet.. i have signed the bond.
i dunno.. i have long thought about the pros and cons.. these were the biggest cons.. and going thr the real training now.. already has me thinking about how i am going to live thr.. the worrying thing is that the speed they're going is kinda fast.. cos of the increase in workload.. we've just been dropped into the pool and rushed into learning how to wade.. and swim.
i think i really need to end this soon.. cos i'm starting to feel sleepiness creep in.. and i still got to pack my stuffs and hopefully do a bit of reading before i fall asleep.. and still have to wake up earlier for tmr's session.
ganbatte!
and..
namaste.
♥reflected @ 12:39 AM
