Saturday, August 13, 2011 ♥
wow...
i haven't posted for more than 2 months!
reason being.. i've already started working.. since july..and work has been busy and tiring.
the job is ok, anybody who asks, i'd tell them that the best thing i like about this job is that i don't have to worry about falling asleep while working; it's not a desk-bound job, and most of the time it's so busy that i don't even get a chance to sit down for a rest, needless to say fall asleep. the pay is quite low.. esp after cpf.. there's a lot to learn... but all in all it's still ok =)
i can't really believe that i'm already working, but then i'm really working.. and somehow, my life is really kinda all work now. haven't been doing anything else much; my slacking just involves watching tv/rented movies/following drama on dramabeans.. read 2 books minus my textbook.
yesterday while i was trying v hard to not fall asleep while i was bathing (i actually fell asleep while trying to watch a movie with my mum instead, i dozed off all the way.. until i couldn't take it at all, i just went to sleep, haha), i thought back about the days when i haven't started working - the path i walked till where i am now.
actually, i should, both my sis and i, should feel proud of ourselves. cos we worked hard, and became independent. previously, we were independent too, just not in mind and character.. and after the incident in 2007, after really beginning to work and study at the same time.. we became more on our own. unlike some who might have been doing that all the time since they were young, or unlike those who might have enjoyed the privilege of just studying and playing, we were thrown, suddenly, into the situation whereby we had to work and study at the same time. at first we couldn't really do it properly, we couldn't manage it well, trying to find a balance among work, play and study.. at first we were always tired, sad and angry why we had to do this.. then we just did it, simply grumbling at times, then feeling even more sad when we couldn't do very well in our studies.
i do remember very clearly, when we were in our year 3, thinking of quitting, and just concentrate on our studies, as a last ditch kinda to save our results, in hope to be able to continue our studies to do an honours year together. then struggling if we should work hard at all, and just graduate instead and go into the workforce, as our family sorta gives us pressure all the time. but in the end, we chose to study hard, and when the results came out, i was really upset, cos i didn't want to do honours year alone, but then.. i went ahead into honours year.
school without my sis by my side all the time was very different. having to attend lectures, print notes and eat lunch (if i ate), alone.. was very uncomfortable at first. doing group projects without my sis too..sighs. plus.. having to travel on my own to biopolis to do my fyp was tough too.. i rmbr too, that when my sis started working, it seemed like my sis was moving on without me, and i was at a loss, as if i was no longer the elder sis anymore, as if.. my sis was living her life now, without me. then i also rmbr i had a lot of frustration with the issue of driving the car; i felt really good now that i had become determined, and took a firm stand for my own sake. i decided not to drive at all. at first, it was hard, trying to go to school, and then going to lab, having to carry the heavy laptop all the way, bear the sun and sweat and squeeze with the crowd, waiting for bus 95 after lecture ended.
talking about fyp. i got an A+. yes. and A+. there were people who showed me a shock face, in disbelief, and asked me "what let you get an A+?"/"how come you can get A+" etc. well a lot of people probably thought that i would really do badly (i mean i myself thought that i couldn't get an A, maybe a B+ would be good already - and there i got and A with the Plus), and i really had a lot of problems during the project. first and foremost, i didn't have a mentor, like probably everyone else had one... i didn't have good results, i didn't have the most friendly lab mates or professor, i didn't have a lot of pages to my report, i didn't have the toughest lab technique (i had only one, maybe the simplest of them even)... But really, as i thought about the days i spent in lab. Right, i know that there might be others who might have worked harder than i have, dealt with really chim stuffs, while i could still go to lab, study, (+continue working in sem1), watch dramas.. and occasionally blog... but i did work hard too. i planned all my experiments carefully and ahead (like maybe a week of plans), there were days when i stayed till v late after midnight to do my labwork (all thanks to sis who came and fetch me at times if it was really late), there were days when i went to lab less on weekdays, but spent the whole of both my weekends at the lab for more than 12 hours..
There were times i took the bus crying, thinking that i suck, thinking that i will always be a loser, cos of my lousy character - being not careful enough, being not more conscientious enough to find out about all the techniques and properties and knowledge before setting out with procedures.. times when i went home crying after the day's experiment, having gotten another failed result..not knowing what when wrong, not knowing what is actually the problem even after many repeats and many possible changes after troubleshooting. there were times i was distraught when errors or problems appear from no where... times i cried after trying very hard to get the prof to understand me properly. times i cried because some pple refused to help me.. cried because i was such a lousy person crying.
and i found out that there were some really memorable moments. the two boys from poly, i'll nvr forget them.. for actually giving me something, on their last day at the lab (when i wasn't even there, and forgot that it was their last day). their first week at the lab, being so ambitious, only to realise that they couldn't manage at all, and i stayed longer with them till 11pm+ to help them with their samples.. their shock at the speed of how things have to be handled and frustration when they realised that they didn't prepare (or didn't know what is to be prepared actually). their hidden stashes of food which they shared with me hahah.. and i shared my cup noodles haha =P
the first lab meeting i attended, and there were two other poly students presenting, explaining the entire western blot procedure from gel making to the tank etc... and everyone was kinda... mystified.. hahahaa.. the girls who consoled me.. thank you...
at the end of the day, i think i do deserve the A+. it is of course, not all my credit. Firstly, although my prof was always busy and he had other things to think about hence may sometimes even forget which protein i'm trying to get, and ask me why i waste my time doing certain things when he was the one who asked me to.. he did help me. after all, it was a project set forth by him. he did help with my project, planned my report with me, vet through my writing and looked at my poster. so i would say the A could be credited to my prof and not to forget, all the hard work i put in. However, the PLUS, i have only one person to thank - my sis. She was the one who stepped in at the last moment, the day when i had my poster all printed out. I went all the way down to bugis myself to print it, all tired and sweating...Even though my sis was so tired too when she came home after work so late, she said "okay, let's hear from you what you've got". and then told me very straightforwardly and not so nicely, haha, that my poster made no sense - it was just info laid out there, with no real meaning. at the last moment, when i nearly gave up, when my prof already had.. she told me to redo. so i redid my poster. the whole of it. until 5am. and still 硬着头皮 sent it to my prof and asked him to help me look at it again. went to print it again with my mum, this time driving.. even went to repair the car in the afternoon (and slept while i waited for the car to finish it repairs).. prepare the script at night and repeat it over and over again.. till poster day the following day, brought my poster down, all nervous and ready. and i did a good job during the presentation. and it was all because i managed to see light. and my sis was the one who guided me to see the light. it was just that extra step i took to make me see the light.
writing the report was a tedious task. i remember printing many many journal papers, reading, reading and reading. trying to find out relevant stuffs... archiving them.. typing the report even during lectures..haha =P (and typing lecture notes at the same time), typing the report till late at night in school.. typing in this super duper uber cold room at s16 level 5... manually inserted citations... cos i couldn't figure out the citation program thinggy...
as for the other modules, genetic medicine gave me the most headache, but i studied very hard for it... antioxidants i studied even harder-- i wrote mindmaps and notes... clinical trials... i didn't really like the module, but wth i presented twice, representing our group that was made up of more than 10 people, but with less than 5 people who put words into action. i will always remember the faces of these selfish people, who were more concerned for their own fyp.. (even tho.. yeah.. that is all just human). so i was quite upset that i didn't do better for the other mods.. sighs. anyways, those are all over...
commencement ceremony has also been more than a month ago.. and i went down after my work, so i was really quite tired. but it was really a good event. cos i got to dine with my sis and mum before that. and even though i was quite jealous of some of my friends who had a lot of flowers, i was more glad i realised. cos i had flowers from whom i treasure the most, from whom i care the most - my sis and mum; and at the same time, i realised who were the ones who treasure me more too. it meant much more than receiving many flowers. and i realised that it made me know how to be grateful instead of those who may absently take for granted for what they have.
while i have started working like some of my frens, some of my other frens are going for further studies. one going to do post-med degree, one going to do masters in new york, another in australia. sighs. actually, i've already thought of doing masters... but definitely not in life science research. cos i have no interest in research at all, and i don't see myself as one who can persevere tt much and see failures many times.. repeat and repeat.. but i have thought of doing masters.. and i think the biggest reason why i decided against.. is money.. sighs.. but at least i told myself that if really want to do masters, i can still do when i am able to sponsor myself i guess. but probably by then.. i might just want to spend that money on a good holiday with sis, or save them..
as for job... i didn't really know what to do at first, thinking more of an admin or executive.. then teaching or smth to do with govt service... but then.. in the end.. i'm doing my current job, which probably doesn't pay as much.. but well, i kinda like my job, so it's ok. furthermore, these days, the economy seems like it's going to be quite bad.. so i'm quite fortunate that i've already gotten a job, so i'm not going to wish for too much..
currently, i think what i lack most... is probably exercise.. Hahhaa! i need to keep myself in better health i think. sighs.. cos there was a week, i went home with terrible backaches... and i was panting after just a short walk.. and.. yep.. so i do need to exercise more.
anyways.. as usual, some interesting things i have been watching recently. dong yi is coming to an end, but because of working, i missed several episodes. but then i've already watched the back part before..
1. 拜金女王
it's quite good actually... but i dunno how come.. maybe it's the acting.. i just dunno how come, i wasn't touched till tears fall kind.
2. Myung-wol the Spy
i never watch, just been following through dramabeans. the storyline is really quite funny and cute.. the actors.. i believe will deliver good acting.
3. Scent of a Woman
WELCOME back Lee Dong Wook!!!! hahaha if you haven't seen him and his chocolate abs.. hhaha here's one picture! haaha that's what NS do to a man? hahah woowwwww
he was very thin back then.. but now hiak hiak hiak hiak =P i think he can beat Cha Seung Won from best love haha. cos even tho cha seung won is more muscular, he is older, and.. married with kids. haha! ok. i really gotta stop this. hahaha
4. B+ 侦探
one really messy movie, not really my cup of tea.. furthermore, eh.. i dozed off while i was watching it at first. but then i was really tired after work.. so .. haha
5. Rango!
it was nice! i watched it in chinese though, haha.. which was kinda funny, cos it was done by taiwanese, so it was mixed with some hokkien. it was really quite fun to watch it. the plot was interesting, and i like the creativity of the people who made it. who could have thought of doing a movie on desert animals? (they did..haha)
6. 大赢家
directed by 李南星. it's quite good, just that it's a bit draggy at the front. overall i think it's quite good, just that i don't like how they added the religion factor in, although i do understand that it might be adapted from his own life, i just don't like any religion being injected into any media kinda, cos it feels like an advertisement i.e commercialised.
okieee...that's one good and v long post! took me one whole day to type it.. (even tho i watched 3 movies in between haha)
dunno when will be my next post.. maybe much longer later..
♥reflected @ 11:00 PM
