Saturday, July 03, 2010 ♥
i realise it's been more than a month since my last post.
and so i've decided to update my blog, and the biggest driver was actually the following piece of news that made me really upset.. and, I am still upset about it.
http://www.dramabeans.com/2010/06/park-yong-ha-discovered-dead-at-home/
i was really shocked when i saw it on dramabeans. i cried for a v long time..
i have just been reading news about him and yoon eun hye going to act in a new drama, and thereby looking forward to watching it... and ..?
to know how he died.. was v shocking too.. to know how it could be due to... even more...
i have been thinking about it a lot, and feeling upset about it.. and still am ba. i just thought that.. there were really a lot more years to come for him, a bright future ahead, no matter how bad and tiring it might seem now..
天有不测之风云，人有旦夕祸福。
haiz. i can't help but keep thinking about it.. cos i still have his images in my phone.. i really liked on air and the slingshot.. he shouldn't be dead. all these came to mind as i did my work, talked to my mum, took the bus etc...
__________
actually i typed that yesterday.. but i fell asleep halfway, so i'm continuing the post today.
these days have been really tiring.. and i'm really not looking forward to august.
i was practically knocked out for almost all the weeknights after i came home, had my dinner, relaxed a bit and bathed. before i could do anything, check my emails etc, i just fell alseep. like my mechanism just decided to slow down and rest on its own. as a result, i actually got a bit angsty? or angry? nonetheless.. finally i'm awake at such a late timing.. to do stuffs.
one more week and it'll be one month for me at biopolis doing my internship.. another month later, will be the end of the internship, then i think life will be busy and crappy...
the only times i have free and am awake and active enough to do my own stuffs are sundays. and i only have 3 more? sundays to school starts, and already all 3 are booked.
this week's work was quite stressful and really draining for my brain and eyes - staring at the microscope, unblinking, turning the knob carefully, waiting for something to appear in the bright yellow circle... hours and then getting really anxious and frustrated when i still didn't manage to get anything..and then really upset and tired. and sad that i was alone and had to do this myself... i guess this internship is good in a way (i mean other than getting to know the lab, the techniques etc), as it pushes me back to solo-hood. eating lunches alone.. going out and home alone.. walking alone... thinking about things and doing stuffs alone.. i kinda like it i guess... sometimes.. it feels good to be able to just do your own things. sometimes it may become boring and tiring.. but then when i'm too comfortable alone, i'm scared that the environment there may change or sorts... etc. but then i do dread if i have to attend lectures and lessons alone, have lunches/dinners in school myself.. etc...
i realise.. i do preferential treatment to some of my students. or put in another way, i treat them all in different manners. i really like some of them, and hope they like me too. altho i always do have a line that is checked and not crossed, since i have experienced being very emotionally affected because of my lessons. at least my immunity has stepped up a bit? i guess...?
i have 8 students with me going for their O levels this yr.. and i'm still apprehensive about most of them.. today i scolded one of them again.. and still his attitude... haiz.. i was so angry that i trembled and took quite a long while to cool down. i wasn't targeting him.. but it is very worrying when there is only a few months left to the Os..
i do actually feel more relaxed and less drained while teaching the kids, than doing the work in the lab..
oh wells.
i'm glad to have done a number of things within the short holidays i had.. met up with some pple..
actually sat down and chat with my mum yesterday... and came to a conclusion that living is truly a bothersome thing.. 肚子饿要吃东西；生病了要看医生；为生活要做工；为做工要读书。 i'm getting tired hearing pple saying that 9 or probably 10 out of 10 pple are doing jobs they don't like.. i really do wish that when it's my turn, i do get to do something that i like or at least am okay about. i am realistic, as in i do know the dreams that i have are only dreams...
but yah. living is hard, complicated and troublesome. but since u have a life, even if you can't live it good, its necessary to just make best out of what you have right...?
♥reflected @ 4:02 AM
