Thursday, May 20, 2010 ♥
i am so tired.
but at least (i hope) now. that cos i know it really is their fault, and that i should and will not feel guilty anymore for blaming them. Yes, i do feel sad. That i'll blame them and that I worry i might tell my children (if i do have any) that i blame them.
i am so tired. to have spent more than 1 hr listening to the entire argument; to be there..
i am so glad actually, now that i do know some stuffs and can understand a bit more about my bro. and that he was there to do his part.
i am so tired still. to have to realize that today (or yesterday) is to turn out bad.
to have to come home to this.
to be thrown into such a world.
to be packed with these burdens and confusions, these doubts and contradictions.
i was sad.
to have and to know no one will truly understand and stand by me.
i am glad and relieved.
to have my sister with me.
at least.
they taught me.
not to trust anyone.
not to be too easy with money.
not to believe in love.
although i truly wish, that i had the true chances to do the things that i really wanted to do, that i had the courage and perseverance to pursue things i wanted.
i know that in the very near future, there may be things i have to give up even before i consider if i really want or not. and i know that i will unfortunately, continue to blame them for it. even if in the end it could still be considered my decision, cos it will be one affected by them.
i will still try to become stronger and have more confidence and pride that i can live thr this however bad it is..
even tho.. i do know that many things can be a facade, and i can appear to be another way. even tho i may feel sad at times that i am this way. but i feel that it is for the better, as there will be no one who wants to see a glum me every day (since i was once like that) and there will also be no one who will truly understand.
i wish i could have used this post for the happier things that happen today.. but the bad is so big that it always tends to overwhelm the little joys i may have.
♥reflected @ 12:43 AM
