Sunday, April 11, 2010 ♥
today i woke up feeling very frustrated and vexed and unhappy which go down to sadness.
i guess it's not v nice to have pple msging u early in the morning for things.
it got me thinking, so i decided to blog about it. on the notion of 'friends'.
i mentioned some time during this week that not everyone sees everyone the same way they do about each other.
there are a number of friends i have. the final conclusion i gather is that i should constantly remind myself that even though i may have only these friends, they may have many friends other than me.
you may treasure your friends v much, one or two maybe, but they may not view you the same cos they simply don't need you as much as you need them.
there are some friends you may wish to become better and closer friends with, but then there's this line you should learn not to cross cos once u crossed instead of better it'll only become worse. This I've tried once, and I'll always try to rmbr to not cross the line anymore.
it is unfortunate that there are some times you have to wonder if you need to further yourself, if you had put in too much heart and emotion into this friendship, cos you're worried it may go over that line. Then perhaps, that friendship is supposed to stay the way - not too close at all. It is a pity to you maybe, but remember it may not be to the other, which again is kinda sad.
there are some friends whom you think you're very close with, but they still can misunderstand you, or worse ask you to do many things, such that you start to wonder if you weren't very good friends actually, and that it was only a relationship built on '利益'. I remember cme lesson in sec 1, there was this page in the book that got us to write down what you think are the various reasons for 'friends'. One of the reason i wrote down (cos the tcher went thr and mentioned it), is that friends are to help you when you need help. Now i understand why previously a fren mentioned that he/she didn't want to be used by others. And to think that i used to be one back then, to always ask people for help, until i became more independent and when this fren became further away from a reason that i can only guess and will never know. I don't wish that this time, i am the one drawing away, but sometimes when it's overboard, i guess it really does throw this barrier right in between, no matter how long you know this friend.
i guess it is even sadder that you have to worry about how a friendship should be maintained. i used to think that really good relationships do not need maintenance. I guess its still true to a certain extent.
i guess its still right. that sometimes, you shouldn't think too much. cos it's just going to make u depressed and vexed.
my mum just came home.
and made me more angry.
why do i have to grow up thinking that i'm nothing but a baggage?
sometimes it makes me sad cos i wonder if its that i'm lousy. sometimes it makes me angry cos i wonder why i am made to doubt myself.
the same way when i look at some of my students' work.
anyways i've decided to find a way out.
please. dun come and affect me anymore. i dun want to change my mind. it's just only going to make me become vexed and frustrated and i will simply stay away.
i know that life is unfair, but dun make it more unfair for us already. its only just going to grow to more hate.
♥reflected @ 12:05 PM
