reflections

Sunday, April 18, 2010 ♥

i always say...
let nature takes its course...

i guess this is one of the main reasons for my interview being not very good.

cos let nature takes its course means that there is uncertainty in front of me and i'm unsure of where to go, what to do.

i guess this makes the other reason - i just have no certain idea what i want/ want to do.

which is actually really quite sad and frustrating.

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its very strange, how really, a beautiful apple on the outside can suck in the inside. so i must remind myself that i should not judge people simply from their appearance or behaviour outside. and that even tho other pple do so, i should find no need to clarify them or correct them.

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it does take more than 1 hand to clap.

when my hands are tired and lazy, and other hands don't take the initiative to clap... it'll die out.
then i'll have to consider, if there's any more worth to gather more courage, strength and perserverence to clap, to keep it going, to make it last.

sometimes something may worth a lot to you, but the same thing worth less to others.

that's one of the main reasons that will pull me down and decrease my willingness and motivation.

i was once worried and scared that i'll lose what i thought was of much importance to me, yesterday it suddenly occurred to me.. why should i be worried? why should i be scared?

first of all, i have experienced that before. i struggled, i was sad, angry, confused. then i walked out of it, remember it but it no longer hurts. so having such an experience before, i should be and am mentally prepared to be able to handle smth like that again, or to forsee smth like that if there be, to happen again.

secondly, if its fate.. then there's nothing scary or sad anymore right. eventually if 道不同就会不相为谋. if there are differences, there will always be some kind of level of divide in between.

thirdly, if its true and reliable.. then there's nothing to be worried about. i think that comes along with a certain level of trust. i guess if its supposed to be good, no matter how long how far it will be there.

but then the prob is.

i can start developing the feeling of indifference to things, such that everything doesn't really matter anymore. is that apathetic? not really cos apathetic still has this part where you care for only things that involve you. does it?

but it'll be good in a way, cos it becomes a layer of protection kinda, such that anyone says something hurtful, it doesn't hurt anymore.

overall, i think it's still bad lar. cos if you don't care much, you don't put in much effort, you don't get much from it either.

种瓜得瓜，种豆得豆. I used to believe it very much, that you'll reap what you sow. until i learn that it's not very true, there isn't always retribution and it's not really always good for those who put in a lot of effort. but then, it is still what i tell my students. not v gd eh.

after thinking about all those stuffs so much, then it turned out that it really didn't matter in the end. cos after all those things had passed, i didn't think of them anymore longer. they didn't really matter anymore.

it's either i actually view them not as impt, or i view them as v impt, or i just don't bother at all, or i'm just too nice (LOL).

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final exams are here.

and i keep saying they're really important, i should study very hard.

i hope i will be able to do so.

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i once thought, why is my blog just filled with all my ramblings, it should be of more high level, it should contain more educational/ note-worthy stuffs instead of just me and my lousy ramblings, esp these are not important to anybody esle. i mean yeah, its my blog what, why do i have to care about what other pple want.

but oh wells.

in the end. does it really matter?

when pple don't care as much, i don't care, nothing matters anymore...?

funny this video was shown to us during one of our lessons for one module by our lecturer.
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i regret spending so much effort in attempting to find jobs or find profs.

cos nobody wants pple like me who is unsure with my future.

at least, i've tried?

hmm.

♥reflected @ 2:37 AM