Sunday, March 14, 2010 ♥
hmms.
yesterday i was really quite upset. with myself and with things.
i was stressed, alarmed, sad, disappointed, dejected.
i'm fine now..
but i think it's going to be even more stressful for the days to come. cos. ya i'm sure everyone's sorta the same and everyone sorta knows, cos i've been repeating non-stop.
things to come:
1.neurobio exam
2.neurobio essay
3.narrative essay
4.global change ppt
5.global change report
6.nanoworld project
7.renal ca
all these in coming rest of march and early of april.
which means... soon it'll be finals also.
this is damn sians and stressful. and worrying. all these, this sem itself, is damn crucial.. cos its the determining sem to whether we are going to able to do honours, and also wat our future pay will be.
SUCKS. DAMN SUCKS.
if we really do graduate this sem. means. we really need to find jobs too. which is hmms. tsk. we're not ready to graduate at all.
there are things that i want to do, places where i want to go.. all before graduation.
like one of the reasons i went to guitar concert/ wanted to go band and co concert etc...: is that i'm still a nus student.
talking abt guitar concert. it was not bad. although there were parts that got me a bit confused.. and distracted. i was distracted too in the first place cos i was reminded of the hormones&health ca that i hadn't studied yet by xiujun. haha. hmms. but i liked the song from spirited away. the start of it was beautiful and it got my hair to stand. that was great, although it started to get a bit strange after a while.. a bit messy? yah.. other than that.. sad that my new shoe gave up on me (now it's repaired) only after wearing for two times only, which was very strange cos its a NEW shoe and it wasn't bought cheaply =(. then i was tired and i had headache and as i sat at the bus, strangely i decided to take out my i magazine and started to read and strangely i didn't reach home too late.
and so ya. i wanted to go to the band and co concerts actually. cos i haven't been to either one for very long. very long already. yet i can't. actually i can if i force some time out, but then firstly, i'll be very tired, secondly i doubt anyone wants to go with me le. which will be kinda sad if i had to go alone. so oh wells.
i'm not looking for next weekend.. cos saturday i have to work 9.30-6.30, sunday i have to work 10-5.30. but then the following week, we have to complete the essays and presentation during that week.
i must remind myself again, (cos i can forget that everyone of this real society wears a mask), that we are replaceable.
haiz.
i need more motivation to wake up earlier and move faster and go to school or work on time or better earlier.
haiz.
i always give this advice to others: let nature take its course.
but. if there's no proactive action, can there be change? can there be improvements? wat if no proactive action was done, you miss a chance and regret after that? but wat if ur proactiveness was not needed at all? if we don't do anything.. we're leaving all to fate? but even if we do smth, yet it is still fate that controls it?
a few moments this week; i was distracted. now i feel stupid to have been distracted. i feel stupid to be naive. stupid to have thought too highly of myself. stupid to have think too much. stupid to have poked my nose into others' business. i'm damn dumb. at this age somemore.
sometimes, i wish that people can just take their own initiatives. but then i realise it does take courage to do so. be it for whatever reason. cos you're uncertain of the outcome. uncertain if it was the right thing to do.
life is full of uncertainties. that sucks. a decision made may not lead to the desired results and so on. faith is very hard to keep if fate itself can't be a sure thing.
many times i feel myself simply walking and drifting with the flow, times i realise that cos of that smth is missing. some things can't be covered anymore cos time has passed.
i really don't want to be a senior. i want to stay young.
oh btw.
i feel really grateful and thankful. to this really nice person.
i was kinda sure that 路不拾遗 is already non-existent, until she proved me otherwise. thank you for being around in this world.
i need to go polish my armour again. if it's still around.
prepare for
war victory!
i must remind myself to stay optimistic too... ... .
♥reflected @ 5:56 PM
