Sunday, February 07, 2010 ♥
smth's wrong with the house comp again =(
i was just flipping through some pages of my sec 4 chinese journal, cos my sis had borrowed it and let her student read it. and i realised some of the pieces that i wrote, as in really wrote, were quite grumbly and emo. oh no. i must have been vexed all the way since young... oh well.
anyways.
i realised that my work do affect me a lot.
like. for example, last year, i got very affected and upset after some of the tuition classes. not only that, i lost quite a lot of confidence in myself and my teaching. so much so that i felt very upset and guilty that i was still doing tuition for the sake of money and that i wasn't good enough for the students.
till now, i think i haven't gained back enough confidence yet either.
i understand what my sis mentioned to me before - that you can only try your best, and that you are just a tuition teacher.
but. ya. it still affected me a lot, and i think as a result, my own studies got affected too. altogether with my morale and so on.
this year i've got quite a number of new students. and again, i was affected by quite much, cos this sem is especially stressful. there is a possibility that i might graduate this sem, but if i'm able to, it'll be good to do honours. nevertheless, we've already started to look at what kind of jobs we can do. and that includes attending a moe talk organised by the math society and also the career fair.
after the moe talk, i thought that i had quite a bit of passion (do i?) to teach the sec schl level. but last saturday made me question myself again, cos i was upset by some of the students' behaviour that really drove me to the situation that i thought i just couldn't do or say anything. yet today (or yesterday), they seemed to have changed (or did they?) on their own accord that made me feel as if they were still ok. i mean they listened to me? i was surprised actually... i mean as compared to the havoc they created in a later class next door... i was kinda mystified. i thought i had sorta gained some kinda of 'ground' with them.
then later... i started to rethink about it again... have doubts here and there..
i think.. it's hard to believe in anything.. haiz.
anyways. work is getting tiring. cos now my work starts from 9.30 am and ends at 6.30 pm with a few breaks in between. and i worry for the one week (i hope there won't be... but oh well) that we have to work that hours for saturday and the same hours for the sunday, cos next week is cny and that means that there won't be lessons, but my boss says need to do make up lessons.. haiz.
throughout these few weeks of school..
there have been several things to think about...
lack of time...
and i worry for the coming weeks.
cos more labs are coming up.. more projects.. more reports.. more cas..
i worry for our health..
cos we're really not young anymore, but i can't seem to find time to go do some proper exercise. yet sis is right. we work so hard to earn money and also try to save the money that we earn, yet. there are times that we want to avoid and that is to spend money on our health cos we had worked ourselves so much and in the end cause our health to suffer instead. and then. yet again, it's not like we're doing particularly well in our studies as well, and instead it's the otherwise.
in that way, i guessed i haven't changed very much from secondary school... cos i still am vexed almost all the time by these many things, if not even more vexed. or maybe life is always full of troubles and stuffs to vex about, so it's not a matter of change or choice.
its really easy to say- oh you have a choice wat!
but do we really?
haiz.
♥reflected @ 2:08 AM
