reflections

Sunday, October 12, 2008 ♥

this week was yet another busy week.

open lab this week v stressful also. esp thursday, cos i ended up feeling damn depressed and disappointed and blue and down and demolarized.

friday slacked a lot. actually i slacked super a lot since after last week exams. but in a way i was stressed too.

like. hmm

last monday was biocom test, then during biocom pract, we had to start finding out abt this miniproj which is very computing in a bioinformatics way. the biocom test made me quite argh thr the day too.

then tuesday was stressed. super stressed. cos we decided to stay in school, or rather i wanted to stay in school to finish up the protocol for the first open lab, before wednesday so that i could keep wednesday clear for studying (but in the end i was super stressed again on wednesday, becos i didn't manage to clear what i wanted, ended up wasting the day doing and checking and emailing becos of the open lab.) back to tues. we stayed in schl until 9 and was forced to leave just as i completed typing the buffer recipes out, cos the lights were cut off. then it rained. nope. it started thunderSTORMING. rained super heavily. and so sis and i were debating if we shld take bus or try to wait for a cab. and so we waited. standing under an umbrella, waiting and waiting. and no cab came, it was either busy or on call. we felt damn demoralized, but refused to give up and just walked away to take the bus. then a schlmate saw us and suggested that we walk to nuh taxi stand. thinking tt it was a gd idea, we walked, with our jeans pulled up to the knees, wading through the water, to the 'taxi stand'. why ''? bcos we couldn't find the taxi stand. instead we found the passenger-alight pt, and the taxi driver refused to let us in after the passengers inside alighted. i was super super dejected. me and sis tried to encourage each other at first, but it was so damn depressing, i got really upset. and finally when we decided to just go take the bus, at 10.30pm when we're all wet, a taxi finally finally appeared. a nice big comfi taxi. with a overfriendly uncle. i started crying cos i felt damn argh. all the way home the uncle tried to cheer us up, (cos my sis started crying too). but it was all so kinda strange. in the end the uncle wanted to treat us dinner (we were like ah?) of course we declined, but. oh well, he still collected taxi fare from us (somemore he actually took a longer route) -.-'

and so wednesday was stressed. and thursday was the first day of open lab, when we get the rat livers. and it was super super stressful (at least for me), cos the buffers' pH values somehow altered. and we had to try to shift it up and down. and i was dejected, cos i had all the calculations and stuffs out; but there's still so much hassle. and the things to measure. and the instructions were super unclear (ok so it's supposed to be open lab and independent, but u just can't expect us to be know-it-all right) there's the ultracentrifuge tubes then we had to homogenize in, and we didn't know tt they were ultracentrifuge tubes, until i threw them into the bin, and said 'we ready for the ultracentrifuge now'. and so we had to dig the tubes out and pour the rat juice back into the two tubes, and omg weigh them to make sure tt they were equal weight cos someone said so. and guess wat, we actually didn't had to? cos when we went down to the centrifuge room, i asked the other guy there, did you weigh your tubes? and he said- ah no? i was like no need...? the ta said, oh you dun really have to. and i was like ah?! wth. so i blurted out 'stupid'. (i meant the someone and us who obediently followed orders and weighed so carefully)but the ta there and him and sis thought i meant tt guy. and they were shocked and the ta was like, erm i think there's a weighing balance ard here. i was like --ah. shux. oh well. roll my eyes- i didn't mean tt..aiya..y u pple interpret wrongly-- but i didnt voice tt out cos i was stressed up. i just said. 'no no, just continue, doesn't matter. (but when we returned home and sis and i talked abt it, it was crazy. i laughed 'stupidly' for my error. and my sis was like 'you still can laugh?!'

but last thursday night was super super crazy. we reached home like near 8. started studying and sleeping at the same time cos open lab drained our energy, but we had two tests on friday. hardly had any sleep. and friday was stressful bcos of the two tests.
then after the 2nd test, it was 6pm already, but we still decided to go imm to meet mum for dinner. and tt was another part of stress. it was a super disappointing night. food was bad, mum was unhappy, we were unhappy, couldn't get a cab, took the bus, and even more trouble happened. and so it was stressful, we all sorta stomped home, but i went off to the garden to let off some steam and cry a bit.

saturday was kinda stressed too, cos it's the official last day of work, and start day of jobless. it was a tired day. brought sis to have her haircut by the same guy. and i didn't cut my hair. and the other guy who cut my hair the previously, actually had his hair cut. (quite some time ago) but it was surprising, cos his hair was quite long. but his new hair cut's quite cool, cos it reminds me of gong yoo (or maybe everything i look at now sorta reminds me of gong yoo. haha. 0.0 oh wells. kim myung min's damn cool too. too bad he's married. but he's acting is damn good) sis's hairdresser dyed his hair to sis's hair colour (lol) cos he said the time when he dyed for sis, he liked the colour too, and so sis and i had a short debate abt whether red or brown suited him better. but oh wells, it was the more interesting stuffs. cos we were damn tired after work.

sunday was kinda stressed too. intended to wake up early, but failed to. but still managed to make my mooncakes (but oh wells, it turned out to be still another failed experiment, at least they looked nice). then rushed out to jp to eat lunch with terence. but it rained. oh wells. when i went home, it stopped, intended to study, but ended up watching tv- ai qing mo fa shi. LOL. it's repeating. like frog prince (repeated like 4 times?) and lv guang shen ling (3 times) and some fighting show with two members from 5566 (repeated like 3 times also). dun they have new shows? but oh wells, at least some of these shows are good. like frog prince. and hua yang. but didn't get to watch last times cos of work. didn't get to watch the golden path also.

monday slacked more, cos we stayed in schl after lessons to play table tennis.
tuesday decided to wear nicely, and styled our hair a bit more.. bought a new t and sis bought a new shirt from the sale at central forum..

wednesday's open lab was just precipitation - used up the entire day, cos half way me and sis had to leave for chinese tutorial, which got me quite stressed up, cos all in my mind was the lab. rushed back to science (and it rained) after that to complete protein determination- we were abt the last to leave. and so came thursday which was damn stressful. did HIC, and had a lot of trouble with protein determination procedures. cos of the microarray thing and the numbers of ppl who didn't help much. and so i was stressed cos i was trying so hard to try to figure it out myself. and in the end, it was still wrong and it was already 5.30. and those pple were already starting to pack up and shut off electricity etc. and we got back our test results too. which was really bad for me. so. very very dejecting and depressing.

friday. slacked the entire day. the cell bio lect ended earlier which was kinda O.o. cos the lecturer always went through super fast, yet he claimed it's too slow, cos he just wants to cover the entire syllabus which is damn irritating. after that we went to the cafe at md blocks to eat. and were disappointed at the food, cos we probably expected too much. tried to do the stats tutorial. after stats tutorial slacked all the way until the lect. then missed the biocom briefing; then went to meet mum at the market for dinner.

yesterday. went to plaza sing spotlight to check out some materials. and discovered that they are so expensive. ate some food there and dinner at je, checked out popular.

it's so hard to keep my strength going. so hard to perservere. so hard to try to keep morale higher. so hard to try to maintain the 'i want to do it, and i WILL do it.'
there's as if smth constantly holding onto onto my ankles, dragging me down, pulling me into mud.

there's really so much that i want to do.

but i dunno if i can really do it.

i'm not confident.. etc.

and wat some wld say

just try.

like the conductor's words: even if it's a dream, try to live it for a while.

oh ya. the show's really damn good. beethoven virus. so addictive. so much better than some of the shows here.

this's a v long post.

i guess, it'll take me v long to post again.

♥reflected @ 1:29 AM