Wednesday, April 30, 2008 ♥
i should be studying now but i'm slacking, on the excuse that my next exam is next week. two more exams next week and it will be over. phew.
this sem.. studying didn't feel as hectic as last sem. hmm. i guess the reason besides the exam schedule this sem is organized such that the exams are far apart one another, is that i have been slacking a lot, watching a lot of stuffs online.
today. didn't touch the notes at all, which is bad becos i still have to work on saturday still, and somemore i found extra work to do too. but. haiz.
today's quite an emo day too.
must be because of the exams and the times in between studying when my thoughts drift off to nonsense stuffs. i kept being reminded of certain things and people. as a result i get sad like today. i always always when i look at surprised how i lived thr last yr, but.. it feels quite shitty to me, cos when i get these ... wat do you call them.. mind drifts? flash backs? i keep having this stuck feel. i keep feeling stuck. in memories of last year. and the previous and the previous year. i think of all those sad things and really still can't decide whether i have made the correct decisions. and so on. and i keep feeling sad, when i wonder if i have really lost some number of friends, or rather have they really not want to talk to me and so on. and so on.
but i realise that really time just keeps going, life just keeps moving on. i'm moving on too, just parts of my thoughts lagging behind. but i've managed cos life is moving on and with studies and work and the occasional youtubing etc, i dun have flashbacks often. but i do noe. those people have moved on, with or without me. and that everybody has their own lives. once while i was sitting at the mrt station, i was wondering, wow these are all strangers around me! and they all lead their own lives. and today while i was having my solo and emo walk, i thought.. again, everyone leads their own lives, be it repetitive or not..
i must be either pmsing... or just getting old. but i hate pple who just blame everything on pmsing. cos, it's ridiculous. and girls dun become irritating when they pms, its just that they need more care or some sorts.. watever i'm talking abt...
but today really got me frustrated, but there's really nothing much i can do. i'm not angry with my dad or mum, maybe i am, but i'm more angry at myself, for not being able to really do anything and really have enough courage to face consequences. bcos, i'm scared that i'll bcome hateful, which i have been stepping in and out of it at certain times. but like today the woman who gave me the extra job told me, sometimes, your life is bad, things like that happen, you can't blame anyone.. but you'll tell yourself, it's a different experience. and i always tell myself that. it's a diff experience, tho not good at all, i'll have to live it cos it's my life...
i guess i have become more independent.. but sometimes it feels sad.. like i always say. sometimes you'll feel alone instead. but i always remind myself, alone is better than facing a lot or problems and responsibilities; it's enough to be responsible for myself.
anyways.
before i decided to blog, i was watching this korean drama with lee da hae and jang hyuk (the guy acting with fann wong in the dance movie), called robbers. quite interesting.
these days i've been rewatching a bit of my girl, watching xman, a bit of h.i.t, a bit of the robbers show, a bit of taiwan fated to love you show. oh ya, before the exams came, i even watched this really slow movie with the L guy from death notes. (he's 23 years old, and he looks realy diff) and i realised..are jap movies all slow moving? but it was still ok i guess, even tho personally i didn't really like it.
i guess i shall stop here for now.
i'll blog after the exams end again. i guess..
here's a photo to commemorate the end of gem1008 which was more than 1 wk ago.. but not really cos still got results.
♥reflected @ 11:53 PM
