Saturday, March 08, 2008 ♥
anger sadness disappointment regret upset hopeless
even if once in a long while. it still feels sick. feels confusing.
when all confidence is lost and you start doubting yourself. about everything. maturity. capabilities. ridiculous hopes and wishes. ownself. people around.
and afterwards.
life has to go on and it does go on.
walking down an endless path, trying to simply do the duties and work hard for them.
sometimes. it becomes. strange, meaningless, scary, lonely, until it almost feels as if independent yet indifferent or selfish.
but still it goes on.
does it really involve courage? or is it simply blindness.
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just had econs mid term test on thursday evening and after that i gave in to my sis and let her play bball.
more mid terms are on the way, genetics and biochem. then also have assignment 2 for chinese, position paper to start research (WHICH SUX), critiques and watever nots.
haiz.
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some things and some people. i don't want to give up. but some i already have to. some i'm already half there. some i keep hesitating.
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never make your own assumptions thinking you know all. because most of the time? they're more wrong than right.
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this week i watched more korean stuffs. the new show that will be coming up on tv. get karl oh soo young! (if i nvr rmbr wrongly), called qing wa wang zi bai jin nv. famous princesses, or seven princesses. i didn't watch every single episodes tho. just here and there. hanoi princess (which was last wk) only 2 eps w lee dong wook. i can't rmbr got wat else.
i'm so into korean now? korean shows? korean songs? almost half of the songs in my mp3 are korean songs. from osts, from rock band Loveholic, from rap/hip-hop singer JED. which made me day dreamed a few times about joining singing competitions/ forming a band/ sing in a band/ etc.
now i want to eat korean food. and a few days ago they actually had a newspaper article about korean foods. wow. i want to eat korean food.
i want to go korean uni for the student exchange prog. thought about it for days. day dreamed about it for days. but i did realise the impossibilities about it. money. results. work. studies. independence. language.
i want to learn korean.
facing the realities is one thing. being childish is one thing.
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i had a hair cut. not intentional.
and i got cheated.
that was when everything started. every unhappiness and every sadness. every stress and regret. snowballed for a few days. heaps and mountains. past and present.
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sometimes i feel as if i'm just beating myself up for these things that happened. sometimes i feel..
nevertheless. i'm always fine and ok. and moving on.
♥reflected @ 11:22 PM
