Sunday, January 27, 2008 ♥
hello！
竟然可以用华文打字。神奇吧。其实也不是很神奇。神奇的是以前，必须要拥有什么软件才可以打华文字，现在只需要调整一下电脑的程式就可以了！
虽然有了华文字输入的管道，应该不会代表我会一直用华文写我的部落格，应为我毕竟已经习惯用英文了。况且因为工作和学校的需要，我必须把握好双语，所以不希望因为常只用英文或华文来写作而导致其中一个语言的水准降低。
yup. so.
becos i'm teaching english, and then taking an eng mod tt is so uni level GP called evaluating academic arguments which is kinda tough, and then at the same time, also taking a chinese mod, which is about chinese words, pronunciation, sentence structures and so on.. eg consonants vowels etc...hence. i really gotta take care of both my languages.
which i'm proud to say.. i'm quite ok. haha.
cos i'm have had a good mix. from nan hua and from ac. even though i started to be more of mandarin speaking... but oh well.
these days have been really slack, which is bad. becos had no lab on friday and then even though had to work on saturday (even tho i think i'm not going to get paid for yesterday cos i wasn't teaching just preparing materials)..and tomorrow no lab either. so i get to have a long weekend. which is left with only tomorrow anyway. spent a lot of time slacking.. online..outside..je jp market..pas malams..
cos CNY is nearing.
but. i got ten tons of stuffs to do and so many texts to read.
and i haven't started yet.
haiz. and i slacked off today too. i watched a lot of tv. dramas and xmen2. gosh. bad bad bad.
忽然间头脑一边空白，不懂要继续写什么...
been thinking a lot some times. as in i have not been doing a lot of thinking, but i have thought a lot for a while at certain point of time.
cny is coming. so is v-day. hmm.
sometimes i think. i'm kinda independent and strong. probably it's bcos i've grown up, probably bcos i've been thr quite a lot. or probably its an illusion.
but i'm quite sure no one likes to be always independent and strong. cos it feels kinda miserable at times.
i have cried and felt really crappy. not referring to the independent strong etc. but bcos of the same old feeling bitter kind. about lacking opportunities, about how terrible i look, how haggard i've become.
some pple think i look weak and tired. some pple think i look cold and independent. i guess i've always looked like that. i remember. a classmate. who asked me one day. at the void deck canteen while he was eating.
'why are you sad?'
i was surprised when i heard that. i replied, 'no, i'm not sad. maybe i'm just tired.'
i remember another classmate, who doesn't know me well. he said smth ard the lines of
'one day it will be good to see u with all ur burden carried on ur back lifted off'
yet that was in 2006, when the things in 2007 haven't occured yet.
i guess it's kinda most of the girls' wish to look slim and pretty and all. but i guess oh well. not every person gets to be like that. it's not really about accepting reality or what you are. i think its more about accepting your own life. its not easy to not look upon those with luck and plenty of opportunities, but bcos i seem to be good at evaluating both the pros and the cons, in the end, i still go on life as it is.
even tho sab got abit >:( bcos i sounded passive and tt she thinks that my life aint tt bad and that theres room for choices.. i'm still feeling abit helpless abt tt. cos most of the time i feel the other way, altho i can control better than my sis.
some of my students face probs like i do at times with procrastinating, with unable to follow plans or just simply studying hard to do hw and stuffs even though they really want to. sometimes, i really think about making life for everyone at home better, but eventually can't really do anything. sometimes i proudly say with confidence that i will do smth abt it but eventually i 半途而废and give up? sometimes i want so much to stay in touch with all my frens who used to be really good with me, but there isn't a chance too? when they have either forgotten about me or have other and enough people in their lives to care for...
这就是--心有余而力不足。
i miss listening to 183 club. their singing is actually better than a number of boy bands around, yet...
haiz.
jay chou's on the run. so good. the songs. diff genres. diff level of complexity and standards. how much he has progressed from 简单爱, from 安静. how poetic some of his songs are. 周杰伦and方文山.
his movie coming up. kung fu dunk. wow. hope its great and i get to watch! didn't get to watch his concert...haiz.
♥reflected @ 10:27 PM
