Saturday, December 15, 2007 ♥
i'm always waiting.
and my patience is totally drying up, dying.
rarh.
this week has really been stressful. i'm still feeling so now. i dunno why. i keep feeling agitated, frustrated and impatient. i get irritated by every person.
it's just that i've been waiting and waiting and waiting. and i feel so impatient and stuffs.
and like.
everyone keep asking me for solutions to questions. that are so. repetitive? cos i have said so already? like. u keep repeating the same things when u feel upset, then get over then repeat again. i mean really. why can't u settle it once and for all? do smth? make some changes? even if like there can't be real changes to the things, at least change ur mind set la. like stop being so stubborn, stop thinking how others are better than you, how your life sucks, how you regret the choices, how you regret and wish everything can change etc.
these apply to like everybody? firstly to my sis. who always makes me worried, frustrated, anxious, irritated, cos she keep reminding of my students, she keep reminding me of how much dependence there is and stuff and stuff. wheres the confidence? even if u dun have confidence, have confidence in me? secondly to my dad. who makes me so want to give up, who made me lose my confidence in thinking that i could do smth, make some actions work. whom i just hope will get well and be independent. to my mum who is always unhappy cos tho i really understand how much she is burdened, i wish if she cldn't do smth tt will solve the prblem fully, at least changed her mindset and really eat.
everybody is living in their own bubble.
so am i, i realised.
climb out of it, burst it. please.
i'm hating myself already.
how i seem so sure of myself at times, how i falter at times, how i hate being strong yet weak. how rude i was these days cos of my impatience and edginess etc.
i think i just need smth that can really take me off all these probs. even if temporal. like a job. like read.
yup. i shld read.
and soon really set off to do sme all the stuffs that mum has been nagging at me to do. which is i do noe, really for my own gd and sis.
DO YOU KNOW? i am so worried. i am so worried for you, sis? we've finished our exams, but do u know that i am so worried for the results?
my new bosses.
have been giving me quite some trouble. reason why i say have been giving, is that i'm continuously stressed abt it too. like in future i'd be even more stressed.
the job starts in jan tho.
i hope the changes are gd. i hope if they aren't, i'll have enough bravery to tackle them.
i hate myself staying up late and waking up late.
yesterday or rather the day before, which is thursday, mum bought me a new watch and a wallet. altho i paid her back cash alr..
i'm sorry i was rude to her.
cos of my impatience. and my unhappiness.
agitated at her and sis.
being so jumpy..
cos i was feeling so tired and sick, and having a headache.
but they aren't accuses for my bad behaviour.
these wk bought more clothes.
really regret buying some tho. totally regret. but haiz.
i am just so.
tired or everything.
i guess.
i need to.... read.
but tt sux later. cos i'll be running away. but then it seems gd at some times too.
i miss some people.
who once helped me. but who has left me to my own already.
i've let go, i noe. i have stopped living in the past; only occassionally i'll think.
i guess. these bad feelings will pass.
i will walk them through eventually.
even if alone.
cos.
i think i have done that before.
♥reflected @ 1:53 AM
