Monday, November 05, 2007 ♥
boo!
hah.
okay. today i'm in an ok mood.
yesterday was stressed. so was the day before. the day before was really bad, cos i was super unhappy, angry and sad.
today someone really pissed me off, but i managed to shrug it off. I was really fuming... but. I shrugged it off! cos. this someone is sooooo lousy that I can't even bear my time and energy to fume over him. My sister was angry too. she was even more pissed than me, but yeah, we had each other to cool each other down.
anyways. yup.
still, there's a lot of things to be done, but because this week is more relaxing, cos there are no big assignments or reports to be handed in this week, and there's two free days, tomorrow and thursday, which is a public holiday- deepavali. on thurs, i planned to go out with my sis and mum to do some shopping, cos this month is our birthday month, we get discount as a member. yup. BUT. as i said, it's a plan, but doesn't mean it will work out. besides. there are really a lot of things to be done.
AND. final exams are starting very soon, at the end of this month to december. ( i can't wait for them to end)
hmm. yup. there's webcast lectures to watch, tutorials and lectures to catch up with. and there's lab on wednesday which means..
LAB REPORT. omg.
hah. okies. let's recap abt last wk. monday.. nth much? can't really rmbr.. oh yeah. i said hi to jiayi.
tuesday..had to do some extra work at night. which unfortunately included catching cockroaches, killing them, scrub the entire classroom and mop the floor of the entire place. HAH.. oh wow. i amaze my ownself. I should do these stuffs at home too. hmm.
wednesday. oh ya. was kinda shitty. cos wasted money and a lot of time trying to settle the it proj printout. then omg. together with my og mates, we ponned lect to study for stats test for the day after.
thurs. was shitty too. cos the test was bad. then shared dumpling soup and salad for lunch with sis. then help sis to replace her for one day of work. then came online till late.. wondered how i managed to stay awake.
fri. was busy.cos we had to go to arts to hand in assignment, then there was it tut. tt ta pissed me and sis off right at the beginning of the lesson by saying smth really ARGH. but again. haiz. then ZOOO. yup. practical at the zoo. HA. we went to look at all the animals. and damn. it was raining and we had to manage looking, listening and writing at the same time. it's like damn lot of stuffs. but it was fun. at certain times. we had fun. and e main reason is becos sis is always with me. (LOVE ya sis, LOTS) HA. and yup. oh ya. we stayed in schl till late for some real wierd event. strange. some singing and stuffs. which weren't gd...but. HA. by the time we reached home, it was real late abt 10pm+.. we had to heat up our dinner and I washed everything up after that.. and bathe.. and then I do my usual stuff- watch tv- magicians of love. 183 clubb..(haiz..even tho..they're breaking apart...)
sat... work again. not much happened. just tt was kinda sad cos it's really dwindling kinda. then sunday work again. saturday got really frustrated... worrying abt sis, angrying at not being able to follow plans, feeling really tired, wanting so much to give up.
now....feel okay.. for now. HA.
but seriously. those times. when they seem really blue. i really want so much.
so much. to just give up. to just give up on life.
how i amaze myself. i'm still alive and walking. HA...
yup. somehow i've decided.. to do smth.
and that is.
i'll be walking with my dad at the garden everyday (if i can). any when i can, i will walk with my dad.
i hope.
the effort i am putting in gives some good results. and somehow today, i feel confident abt it.
on saturday i had walked him too. and after that i didn't feel it, i simply felt more frustration and hopelessness. but somehow (FOR now), i think i do feel some, even if a little bit, of confidence.
maybe.
it's started. when my mum told me abt how the doctor had diagnosed my dad as serious depression that requires some special therapy involving electricity? which i am now convinced by my sis that isn't gd.
somehow. i told myself. i really have to do something now. i really have to. i don't want to regret not doing anything. and so i did. (even though i have thought of wanting to do smth. and kept talking abt it,and kept thinking that i can't do anything, at least now i AM doing something besides working hard for my own)
HOW. i really AMAZE myself. HAH. wow.
but seriously. it's bcos i'm in an okay mood now.
i hope i can last.
i hope. i am strong enough.
i hope. i won't really give up.
but i noe i can't give up. tt's a good start. ain't it?
anyways. CHECK OUT my newly added stuff!!! wow. imeem playlist. cool. yup. it's made out of osts of some shows tt i have and have not watched. korean and chinese..oh ya and jap too..
yesterday. me and sis were singing 'there you'll be' by faith hill from pearl harbour while we were trying to do our tutorials. can you imagine tt?! there you'll be! tt song was famous when we were in sec TWO. hah.
i miss. wat do i miss? i miss smth tt i dun think i ever truly had. a really close and close and close family full of love.
......
tt sounded really. bad. but.
maybe one day.
one day.
my opinion might change?
'you'll never know' -- that's wat a lot of pple say..
at least. for now. i really love my twin sis. she love me lots. and i'm really thankful, grateful for having her in my life, for being able to have around, and being around her.
'make do with what you have'--that's what a lot of pple also say...
even though, sometimes. i really really.
feel like giving up. wanting to give up. wanting to stop trying to be strong...
♥reflected @ 9:59 PM
