Thursday, August 09, 2007 ♥
today's national day.
finally. i'm free at home one day. BUT. the moment i start sitting down and try to do my own stuff, people start yapping at me and telling me to do this and do that.
i feel damn shit now. argh.
ok. yeah. thanks. wat am i supposed to do? change? oh wow. if changing was so easy i won't still be the same rite. so i am crap. i am a crap person with a crap character. nobody will like me. i'm bad girl with bad mouth and bad personality. thanks. i appreciate it. and yea i know i need improvements and changes but. how do you change yourself. these kinda things are like in-born and subconscious? and they grew stronger cos the so little times at home are like so 'comforting and nice' such that i am 'supposed to understand mankind and fit into the 'reality' which does not actually have any 'real' substance by being one of this 'fake reality'? i can't smile when i'm sad, but i am sorry if i always bring my unhappiness unto others when i am sad/angry/unhappy/not happy/not feeling well/tired/not sporting/not supportive/not passionate/wat some call 'pms-ing', (maybe not too sorry cos eventually these 'unhappiness' that i bring to others come back to me in the end, cos pple will just decide that this girl is damn 'attitude/emo/pms-ive/irritating' and dislike/hate/ignore/ me, and me will end up damn sad/alone kinda, but no one will feel any bit of sorry for me cos they would think 'wat you bring unto others bring unto you' or smth like tt. understanding and caring, thinking of the reason of the person's sadness/unhappiness/watever --these DON'T happen. THESE, i repeat, DON'T happen in reality. Normally/usually/in fact/commonly people would just accept the things on the surface and love to do stereotyping and labelling of people. and this refers to all people. whether said or unsaid, it happens and a response is made following this 'impression'. kind alike the body's nervous system huh.
rarh. i hate always sounding so angsty on my blog. not that it matters.
anyway. back to 'life'.
i'm very sunburnt on my chest and shoulders, from yesterday's sentosa trip. our og was gd yesterday. we tied 2 games and won 4 other games. a large improvement from last week's not so active mood (which again, may be my fault). but anyway yesterday was actually me and my sis's last day at the sow cos we have work to do. but it doesn't make a diff cos it's not like tt was the graduation outing or smth. nxt monday is officially the first day of schl. haiz.
preallocation of modules and bidding, and balloting. all these kinda sucks.
HAIZ. damn sian.
when are things going to be better? or rather when are things going to seem better?
i should start learning from now eh, to be more silent and quiet. but then this contradicts the point that you need to...
rarh. forget it.
ok. so instead i should just keep reminding myself that i really should and have to think carefully before i open my mouth eh. hopefully i will be able to do that and that me the bad girl will improve and the world will like me more.
i should be less sarcastic too huh. haiz.
ok. tt's all now. here's some picts of my og.
this from the first day of the camp, with the entire full force.
this from the fic. again, i'm wearing the turtleneck.heez. we had to wear formal casual for the event so yup. i like turtlenecks..but only have this one.
k. yup. BYE.
♥reflected @ 1:21 PM
