Thursday, June 28, 2007 ♥
i've been thinking for quite some time. what i wanted to write. yesterday i went down alone all the way to orchard for an interview, but i didn't get the job. yesterday i was sad the entire day, but not becos i didn't get the job, i could already feel and predict that i won't get the job, cos the interviewer? she didn't even ask me for my documents.
anyway. i really hope i can get a job soon.
i've been watching a korean show on youtube. as i said b4, spring waltz. i really like it. it's super nice, touching, silent yet exciting. hard to explain. but it's just so touching. it's a love story but it's not the simple cliche love stories.
i've been confused about family stuffs again. essentially abt my dad. i've been very vexed about studies again. essentially the school fees loans and everything. haven't managed to come to any conclusion yet.
so. yup. what i've planned to write.
i once missed a boat. even though it seemed so obvious that the boat was there for me to get on. but i was so blinded, i didn't see the boat. and the person on the boat, didn't ask me to get on either.
i once got onto another boat. but this boat's a different one. it changed course. but the person didn't ask me to get on either. i was also not supposed to get on. but becos it's different, it's changed course.
i once nearly stepped onto yet another boat. the person on this one, didn't ask me to get on, didn't look inviting. one foot was inside and the other was still on land. i didn't ask if i could get on. it was a boat, that gave me much confusion.
but time has passed. the tide has come. waves pushed on. the boats all have moved on. and went further, further away from me.
i have had so much thought of the first boat, it was only after more than a year i clearly felt the boat, but i've missed it, and it has gone so far away from me, such that not only has it gone further away, another has gotten onto it.i always wanted to ask directly, why? but i never did.
the previous night i had a sad dream. about all these boats. i was having a rough time, running and running. i was thirsty and tired, and the only thing i felt like doing, was to just lie down, sleep away and just let go. i kept stopping and wanting to lie down and sleep.
then i saw the last. he saw me but did he? cos he left without addressing me.
i saw the second. he came, ran with me, beside me, for just a short moment. that's why. i know that the boat has changed.
finally i saw the first. by then i was already lying on the ground. he was occupied with things regarding his fellow mate on board, but he came. he came and picked me up, settled me on my feet, told me keep running. and left.
these boats. all of them. they are far from me. the last being the furthest, yet sometimes not too far. the second for being different, the first being the one most regretful.
but i thank them. for being, for having been, part of my life. even though they've gone so far away.
that's all. long boring story i say.
the last thing. i think i'm moving on. with them or without them. thinking or not thinking about them. even if i'm not moving, i'll be floating.
life is so hard. but it goes on. because to end it, is even harder.
I wish my dad can understand that.
I wish i have my mum's strength.
I wish my family has all that strength.
btw. i've been thinking about the previous anonymous comment too- 'There's a saying..we do not falter because we are weak..but rather because we think we are strong'
if u're the person who left this comment, pls explain. cos i can't figure out what you really mean or what this saying really mean. thanks.
and lastly.
i really love spring waltz.
♥reflected @ 11:23 PM
