Saturday, June 16, 2007 ♥
i'm tired.
my work contract has ended. but i have more than a hundred scripts to mark. and it's going to take damn long cos firstly, i haven't really started and keep to marking consistently, and 2ndly, it's essay writing and responses stuffs like that. it takes damn long to read each piece of writing and decide how many marks you want to give.
and worse. i have a deadline. but i'm not progressing at all.
no work means no money. die.
i've not been doing much. but i have been staying up late for days and days. for no good reason, just cramp myself with all sorts of recre stuff. watch youtube talk to pple online. just not doing what i am supposed to be doing.
and how's my dad.. not very well. tt's all i can say.
and i've been burning big holes in my pocket not for recrea stuffs pls. i hate pple thinking i waste my money. cos i never. i hate shopping. i hate window shopping. i only like window shopping occasionally alone.
i'm very tired. emotionally tired too. i noe that's what a lot of pple say they feel. i just feel totally vexed. frustrated. confused. don't know what to do. i want to give up. i'm even on the way of giving up. but i feel damn guilty. cos i shouldn't.
why and how can some pple believe and put in total faith in smth? why and how can they find so many excuses for the failures/ and so on so on.
this is LIFE? don't joke with me.
i've changed. or have i? i changed back to my ownself maybe.. the me 2 years ago? or i. dunno.
the sad thing is. it's true. i never joke.
but i used to. quite a lot. even if other pple can't understand, i still used to make jokes.
but now. i think i don't. have i changed?
i know one thing though.
i'm never strong. i'm a coward. a damn coward who runs and hides away from the truth. i'm not going to live under an illusion that i'm strong cos i have so many things happening. i am coward. i have so little courage. so little courage to have faith and believe.
♥reflected @ 12:36 AM
