Sunday, April 15, 2007 ♥
this week i didn't go visit my dad, only went today, after work. so actually, this week was less tiring, and i even had chance to do some personal stuffs and relax. just that didn't really have the chance to go online.
i finished up my lesson plans for the coming week on friday itself, so that i have less to do. however still have quite a lot of stuffs. cos i found additional work, which just started today.
just hope that i won't have to do reflections again this week, cos don't really like to do extra stuffs like that. reason being, i don't really like to tell other people what i feel about what i am doing and my classes. if i really can't deal with anything and need help, i'll be sure to ask. but well. it's a must, so i will do it well and truthfully.
Today i actually wanted to catch The Last Samurai on tv, cos it's one of my favourite movies, but didn't get to do so, cos after work was about 3, came home for lunch, emailed some people, then went out to visit my dad. just got back home about 9.30. cos after dinner outside, i dragged my mum and sis to buy myself a shoe cos my shoe broke. i shouldn't have huh. cos mum was really unhappy. and then i really wanted to watch the movie. also, mum and sis kept asking me to buy some really pretty and sweet and so not for me to go to work shoes. anyways. i was really stressed just now, about having to buy shoes. cos in my mind, i just thought that i'm like super broke now..and they kept asking me to quicken up....etc etc.
anyway, i was super upset just now. even on the bus, i really felt like breaking down. i felt as if i'm working so hard, but not appreciated, or just not satisfying. yes, i do know that the much i'm earning is not enough for living expenses and everything, not to say about uni fees. but really. i'm working damn hard. the way to comfort me, it's not to tell me to quit. alright? cos if i do, i am just going to kill myself feeling so frustrated not only becos i have no money, but also other pple constantly telling me we have no money.
okay. i just let off some steam. the thing that some ppl misunderstand is that they think that i'm stressed from work. but seriously no. yes, at the beginning i admit, i was really really stressed. but now, no. i've gotten quite good at what i am doing, and i'm not that stressed already. what i am stressed about is not exactly work anymore.
sometimes, i really do feel a bit lost, not sure of which direction i am heading; and really, like hope for someone to just care for me. just like magically appear and care for me the very moment i'm breaking down.
and the sad thing is that i am so confident that magical person will never appear, and in the end, i always try to pull myself up. well. that's supposed to be good right. hmm.
i always think back and wonder what if. what if this and that.. of course, i do know what ifs don't exist.
guess what. i think i'm so tired i'm blabbering nonsense already. and my eyes are closing already.
hope everyone else's doing fine...
♥reflected @ 10:41 PM
