Saturday, August 26, 2006 ♥
two more papers to go to end of prelims
p1 for bio and p1 for chem
hmm.
i already started slacking. even tho it doesn't mean that i have already started slacking during prelims..
yesterday was watching tv..smallville was wierd..right after the bio paper went to library and borrowed books. and read a pict book, howl's moving castle. it's an amazing story..which is so like spirited away.
today was a bad day. a bad day spreaded from yesterday night. went out for lunch with family at hilltop, ate chicken chop. which i found it bad tasting, but now.. i'm wondering whether it was the chicken chop or it was just me feeling unhappy. after that went to je then imm to shop. didn't manage to get a new wallet, but mum finally found a shirt, and a pair of shoe she like.
and then came home quite late. and i was feeling really sad the whole day le. so i went to hide and started reading another book. the book was great. and it made me cheerful after reading.
ya. so.
tt's abt it. i finished narrating abt today.
_________________actually.
i have been wondering. who's me.
like for once i thought i was quite brave..and felt that i'm really tired of trying to be strong and being strong..
and i was thinking. no.
i'm just a coward. i have been running away, hiding from everything. always. so many times. it's like when it finally drills into me i would be overwhelmed, i would be upset and all. but still problem never solved.
i like reading. becos it's a hideout for me.
i just go with time and let everything pass by me, and live my life like a cycle..
i thought i can be independent, strong enough to stand on my own, but i dun think ppl actually noe that i'm not. i'm so dependent on others. there are times i really need someone there for me. there are times when i am really lost and i really need support. but whenever such things happen. it's like i look out i really can't see someone i can really throw all my heart out and talk to without any worry at all. in the end. it's back to running away.
but i dun really noe wat's me anymore. cos i have already lost me. i think..
it's so confusing.
and
it's so hard to trust.
i noe letting nature take its way is the way it is. but. i am too cowardly to face things. i never seem to really trust in the end.
but i noe. even after i typed finish this.
i will still go back to running. it's wat tt provides me strength to keep going on.
but pls dun need to criticise me anymore. i noe that once i post this online, i have to bear the risk of this being the internet, and i already felt the hurt when someone did things that were really nasty. i dun hope to feel that again.
♥reflected @ 10:48 PM
