Saturday, May 20, 2006 ♥
hmm.
well. i was feeling a bit blue today.
anyway. it's a feeling. that sorta comes in. since yesterday night. jus feel sad and want to cry. but drained out kinda of thing. i guess that happens when ur mind starts wondering..
well. today i watched huo yuan jia. my bro rented the vcd. it was great. the movie's good. touching. but well. it's quite rushed in some parts. overall the story is brought out, and the final moral of the story is clearly pronounced.
yesterday's jewel in the palace made me felt like crying. like when u face the reality again. how many xiao li chang dao hypocrites there are in the world. how many backstabbing and stuff. reality. haiz.
today was njc's funfair, really thought of going but my sis woke up late cos yesterday she stayed out very late to do cip at ntu while jj haveing talent-time there. and she told me i still could have gone ahead myself.
maybe.
reminds me of the acs idol finals. i wanted to go see. but couldn't find someone to go with me cos my sis again has shooting competition that day. but then she told me that i could always go myself. then in the end i heard my class a few ppl going so i decided to go.
my sis dun understand.
i fear. i fear of having the feeling of dread and sadness. where i go somewhere myself and there are lotsa ppl with their own gang of frens and me alone.
i fear of facing that alone again.
even though, i have faced that quite a few times already. even though i told myself it's okay, and hide behind the calm and ok face, i feel upset at myself. i would.
but life's like that. i have learnt that. come to understand that. after a good talk with my mum. some will have more frens than others some will have less. and i have to learn to be stronger. and more independent. it's not easy for me to open my heart easily and thus make frens, cos this is me. i can try to change, but it's hard. i have to learn to live with that. cos tt's how life is.
and i gotta concentrate at wat i have at hand now. tt is my studies. even tho the doctor said that life is not just about studying when i went to see her cos of the flu.life for me now have to be just studies.
i think.
tho, i'm not very capable of applying that knowledge, even after setting my priorities.
enough talk abt tt.
by the way. dunno wat happen to ac this year. the ppl aren't doing very well in sports. they have aready lost netball, hockey, netball girls and rugby. haiz. but i think they did great, cos sports not just about winning, it's the whole team spirit kinda of thing, and i really look up to their strong and tight team spirit and brotherhood kinda of thing, which i feel, is lacking in guitar ensemble. but wat can i say, cos it's only my point of view. some others might think that no, guitar's doing great. but well. i feel that every monday i go for guitar, i dun feel as happy as i did last year. or maybe i never did. as lihao says i'm never happy. well. i've been happy. just that u ppl didn't get to see me happy. sabbie says it's monday blues. but watever.
anyway guitar's camp coming up during the june holidays. i can't stay overnight, but i dun want to go come back go come back tt kind of thing, so troublesome and waste of time. so i'll probably go like 1/2 or one day to see how it goes first. like if i'm happy to be there kinda etc. also cos like it doesn't matter if i'm there or not. dun really think it would make a diff.
like jc said, it doesn't make any point for me to be there. ie. if i quit, it won't make a diff to guit.
but i won't quit. cos i've got no where else to go. and all the while, i have given up a lot to be in guitar already.
i will stay even if it doesn't mean anything. furthermore it's just 1 or 2 months more.
ok.
it's getting late.
have a gd nite everybody.
♥reflected @ 11:01 PM
