Thursday, December 22, 2005 ♥
hahaa..ok..i was over-ambitious i guess..i shall change the music..haha
i wish i can post pictures here..but too bad..my comp is too lousy.can't send the pictures in my phone to the comp.yup.
Sabbie's in brunei..wonder when she's coming back...hmm..
i shall make this post special..
first of all...
cute right...snowman iceskating..
MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!!
hope everyone will have a fun and nice christmas..which i doubt i will have with so much homework not yet done..anyway enjoy christmas!!
i gave up e-learning. for econs, chem and maths. i decided to just study the text book and borrow sis's notes.
hmmm..yup..i was saying this post is going to be special..cos i'm going to review abt this year..since this year is ending soon..
so..actually all i can say about this year is that, it was ultra tough, hard, busy, unhappy, sad, stressful...hahaa..sound like it was really that bad..but yah. truthfully this year started off quite ok..
1st three months. when i first stepped into ac. i never thought that i would stay in tt school. first day was quite terrible. it was blur. didn't know wat was going on. only tt waited with some nan hua ppl who i don't noe..and then get to the hall listen to ppl talk and all..then there was the orientation. weird. didn't noe wat the ogls were doing..then get into grps and all..orientation wasn't fun for me, cos i was so..i didn't give in a lot of effort in trying to socialise..first time i met the class..wasn't very good also. it could have been better, if i tried to fit in. but i didn't, cos all the while i thought that this was temporary, that i won't be staying in ac. so throughout the first three months, i kept mostly to myself, and concentrated on studying.
the only thing in the first three months i enjoyed the most was guitar. it was really fun and great..even though i didn't make special frens in guitar yet, didn't noe everyone well yet, but i can remember that the first person i know from guitar, is sabrina. then followed by tania who is also from nanhua, then joanne. and a little bit about jonathan, who gave me quite a bad impression. hahaa..other pple i remember in first three months guitar is shin ying, darryl, gabriel, zhi li, jovita, and lots of many pple..can't remember their names liao..
first three months spent with the class was quite terrible. but i made two friends, kaamini and evy, who both aren't in sd3 after first 3 months anymore.
when the o level results came out. i was happy tt i did considerably well, but it wasn't statisfyingly well. cos i could really have done a lot better if last year there had not happened so much stuffs. then came the dilemma. whether i should stay in acjc or not. thr out the first three months, all my thoughts had been that, once the results come out, i would leave ac, and join the ppl i know in njc. joan, siyuan and many nanhuarians all decided to leave ac. but i stayed. until now, i cannot make up my mind whether i had made the correct decision, and several times, i have regretted tt decision, but nevertheless, i cannot turn back the hands of time.
the reasons i chose to stay in ac: 1) guitar ensemble. i learning to play the syf songs already, and i worry that if i go over to nj, i won't be able to get into a cca where i will enjoy myself as much. 2) studies. some ppl have told me that my o level results are quite good. but compared to other pple in nj, i won't be able to compare with them. 3) also studies. ppl in nj were learning diff stuffs in nj. i worry tt i will not be able to catch up with them. furthermore, i'm not as hardworking as the people down there, i worry that i won't be able to cope.
so i stayed in acjc.
we had a class outing during the first three months, yet again, i didn'nt make more friends in my class. after the 2nd intake came in, i hung around with kalpana and eunice sin. tt was one week. although i enjoyed being with them, somebody said something that changed me. in the end, i no longer hang about with anyone. i was with me, and myself.
guitar was still ok..we went for the syf and did our best, even though we really could have done even more better, we got ourselves silver! but we are happy with tt already. then we had a guitar outing. it was the
best outing i ever had. ever.
oh ya. some other news that changed me a lot too. one abt hawyi's dad, the other abt the ex.first aid president. and then some girl who had lukemia..then seowting's dad.
all gave me shocks of my life. and all brought up everything that happened last year. and all changed me a whole lot.
guitar ppl..there were new intake. and then concert. and then the committee changed. so everything changed. guitar was no longer the guitar i knew. many times, i had thought of quitting guitar, like sabbie, but in the end i stayed. cos simply, i had no where else i could go. in the beginning i was so proud of guitar, and i had a deep sense of belonging there..the concert added lots of unhappiness and stress to me.
So when someone chose to spite me and make me unhappy, I broke down very easily. Guitar during the days of practicing for concert was sad and unhappy. The concert was successful. but someone mistook my guitar. the night turned awful again. throughout these days, life was not easy. the stars refuse to shine...and the world was dark.
the only thing of guitar tt made me feel like staying for is gmg. but gmg also started to change when it was no longer gmg. when new ppl came in.
so this year was very very busy. and very very stressful. which i didn't realise myself until now. most of the time i was depressed and quiet. until pple thought i was a dao person. with additions of tests and exams..new topics that i dun understand..chinese speaking competition which i had very little support for..wow..hard year it is. even after the promos, there was pw..which created a lot of troubles. then i was worrying for my classmates..and also other frens like sabbie and yen nee, worrying whether they will get promoted..
overall..
i thank those who have been patient with me, understanding and tolerant. esp ppl in my class who do not understand wat was going me, and those who also became irritated because i was always unhappy. I also want to say this: I'm really Sorry..i didn't want to be like tt, and i'm really sorry to let you guys can't stand me. pls forgive me ..
i also want to thank those who gave me advice and support when i was hysterical and unhappy.
to those who are also stressed...dun underestimate stress. it is a powerful thing that can affect not only your emotional well-being, but also your physical well-being, studies and social life. when you feel down, try to find someone whom you trust, whether is your sibling or fren, and share ur thoughts with them. if you dun have someone, be strong. no matter how hard life is, even if you feel sad everyday, keep crying and all..remember that all this is going to pass. never let stress get to you and break down. many times i broke down, without knowing that i was under a lot of stress, but i never let it tore myself up. on the outside and the inside i wasn't tt strong, but at least in the mind, i feel that i have determination to go on. so i want to share this with all those who find life difficult to go on.
the person who could brighten me up was my sis. my twin sis. she was the one i hang out most with. she's my fren, my soulmate..In my class i don't really have a clique..so i turn to my sis :) but someone once told me tt i shld not be so dependent on her. but i feel tt, i'm not being dependent. i just feel tt. we are twins. like you ppl clique among yourselves. yup.
also, thank you to joei, tania and jc, li hao, xiu jun, adam and all other guitar members who cared for me in my bleakest moments. esp to xiu jun who shared with me her experience and gave me a lot of advice. joei: thnks for allowing me to tie your hair in the morning. it gave time to not think. tania: thnks for sitting there and showing concern during mother tongue periods when i look unhappy. jc: thnks for smsing me in chinese, making jokes to make me laugh. li hao: thnks for helping during the concert and showing care when i look down too. to tania and frens like khye and bryan and all: thank you for the blue bk. whenever i'm sad i well read it. :)
the last, most important person i want to thank is...SABRINA!!! sabbie:) if u are reading this...thank you for giving me support and caring for me. sorry it seems that i was always crying..but it was really great to hang out with you and your classmates:P. thank you for being my friend. you may have many frens, but i noe tt whenever i need help you will always be there. thanks. and i hope tt, whenever you need help, please noe that i'll always be here to help too :)
finally..i feel that i am a pessismistic introvert.
so..i shall improve on tt. and make next year better. yup.
tt's my new year's resolution. yup. haha. ok.
tt's all. wow..wat a long entry :)
♥reflected @ 12:35 PM
