Friday, July 01, 2005 ♥
The term exams finally ended today.
I despise myself. i despise how i have changed.
and i wish i can revert back to the way i was in the first three months in ac, the way i lived my life, the person in nanhua secondary school.
I changed much. i feel the change. i can't stop it, i want to but, i ve no determination strong enough.
I was more hardworking than i am now. and i noe it. i want me to change for the better not the worse. i slack almost every single day now. during the term exams i nearly slack every time. i had a whole free day on tuesday, and yet i didn't make use of it. every night, i sleep at 1plus. becos i only start studying at nine. i dun understand y i just can't concentrate. i noe i should be studying. i noe i should be working hard. i noe. i noe wat i should do, and i should not be the way i am now. i noe it and i really want to change it. but i can't.
i have to have my own determination. i have to. cos noone's going to push me. no one's going to tell me that you are going to do this or going to do that. no one can command my brain wat to do except me.
So. i must step back into my conciousness. i must fix the system properly and not live my life like i am dreaming. i must be the commander. for i am the only sailor on top this ship on a long voyage to anywhere i decide to. ultimately, every thing will result because of my own decisions.
i have been dreaming my days off, totally letting other people beside to move forward so far ahead of me, while i have been following them so slowy, dragging me along.
..........
i just crapped. crapped every crap i have been thinking for quite some while.
TERMS OVER...
a new beginning for me shall come.
♥reflected @ 8:04 PM
