Sunday, April 10, 2005 ♥
I had knocked my head hard on the wall trying to decide which jc I shld go. Shld I go nj with so many pple I noe there, where there’s a real gd study environment? But I was scared of the stress I would face there, esp if I can’t catch up with the studies when I change school. Plus I have to wake up even earlier than I am now. If I had done a little better during prelims, and went to nj, I would be able to get stuck in nj and then go to nj after the three months. But I got stuck in ac in the end. I thought I could stay for guitar, but if I have to quit in the end, just becos I can’t pay the coach fees, I would hav nothing to stay for in ac. But catching up in a diff schl is really stressful unless your previous school did the same topics or did more. I have an og mate who went nj couldn’t catch up and cried when I called her…she told me couldn’t catch up with maths the ap gp thing. My dad asked me why not I go jj. Maybe I shld have, since it’s so near my house, but I don’t like the school…
Really busy these days. Got guitar everyday except Friday and Sunday. And yet I have to go for cls (Chinese language society) for the drama competition (30 april), while tied up in guitar syf 28 april. And I have to go for the drama thing, becos there is no one else they can choose, only four pple turned up for auditions, which include me who did it just for fun. So in the endm, cls is on Monday, Thursday and Saturday, all clashes with guitar….
Alamah!
A lot of tests are coming but by the time I reach home, I can’t do anything already…
My days in acjc, I do hope, is getting a bit better, because I can hang out with the two new girls, kalpana and Eunice. Real glad they’re here, if not I will be damn alone. Really alone. And I am also suffering an identity crisis. On the first day of school I was told to be the assistant class rep (the reason being I am early to arrive in school to mark attendance tt kind of stuff), then it turns out that everyone is unsure(including me) who eventually is the assistant class rep. And I do feel that some pple are not happy and some pple might be disliking me…so damn confused. Probably someone else wants to take the job…since no one is respecting me either because they don’t know/not sure/don’t care/don’t like me as the rep…I might as well do a disappearing act…
I told myself, after pri 6, that I rather live as a normal citizen and school pupil…
But for one, at least the ass. class rep needs do nothing.
I like to being in guitar than in class I guess… becos I realize that becos the sd3 first intake all have their own cliques and stay with them, I don’t, and though now I am with the two new girls fortunately, when I have to be with the rest of the class like let’s say grp work, or just sitting with them, I feel terrible, and miserable. I have nothing to comment, and I don’t know how to smile with them…
I do realize a terrible fact and am quite upset and sometimes angry, when pple just show tt they dun want to sit beside me, not becos they are scared I will eat them up (goodness me), but becos they want to sit with their friends. In other words, when Eunice and kalpana aren’t here, I feel I do not belong to sd3, my class.
A girl from first intake asked me to make a new contact list, I agreed but told her I need the class list. In the end, I just drew a table and told the class pple to fill it in as they pass it ard. But they either don’t care/can’t be bothered/ don’t want to/ or think who am I to tell them to do things/ or just don’t like me…they just pass it around without filling the paper. Some do make an effort, I am deeply grateful for that, but in the end, it was in such a pathetic state. I don’t even know where is it now, and even if someone pass it back to me, I don’t want it anymore.
Haiz.
To hell with everybody.
*Bleuh*
I can’t be bothered anymore.
I am used to being dejected due to rejection and neglect.
Don’t care anymore.
Miss Su Phei.
Miss 4o3o4.
MONS!! I miss you pple…
Miss nan hua, both the old and new buildings….and miss the classroom..the teaching…esp. mr teoh’s teaching…..
Haiz. Wish I can go back to the past and laugh at myself doing silly stuffs…or cry at myself …
Haiz.
♥reflected @ 11:19 AM
